068 - How Disappointment Can Be a Gateway for Blessing (with Ashley Clemons) [Unmedicated Birth, IUI, & God's Timing]

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It can be so incredibly difficult to understand God’s timing. He can see and understand so much more than we’ll ever be able to, and living in His will is truly the best place for us all, but will we trust Him in the waiting? Hear how Ashley and her husband had to do that as they patiently waited for God to give them their two babies, who were born over a decade a part.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Her head was not firmly applied to my cervix, so they were concerned about the potential for a prolapse cord.

So they wouldn't let me walk around or get in the tub.

They wouldn't let me use the tub because of the meconium either.

Oh man, all the red tape at the hospital.

Yes.

Yes.

So I remember talking with the nurses and they said, yeah, we've been watching you on the monitor.

Your contractions are really intense.

They're close together, but you're just not dilating.

Well, yeah, because you won't let me stand up.

Oh yeah.

We need that gravity.

Hi, I'm Kayla Heater, follower of Jesus, wife and mother of five children, Christian childbirth educator in Dula, and your host of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, where we share God-centered birth stories, evidence-based birth education, and our pursuit of surrendering our birth plans to God.

Let's get started.

Hey, everybody.

I hope your Christmas season is going well.

We are in full swing here at my house with all of the Christmas music and Christmas movies and decorations.

And this week, we even did our annual Christmas cookie baking.

We always do a like two-day marathon, which sometimes we try to do it in one day, but it takes so long, of 10 different batches of cookies that we make.

And we bake most of them.

And then we freeze some of the leftover dough in the freezer, so we can just pop them into the oven at any point through the season.

But I've always made a big display platter for my husband's co-workers at church.

And I know that's something that a few of the staff members enjoy and look forward to, because it's such a busy season for them, with so much going on at the church in December, and preparing for Christmas services, and all sorts of things.

So I always hope to have, you know, just a sweet treat for them in the midst of the season.

And then we also make plates and pass them out to our neighbors, and my kids really love doing that.

Like, we'll put all the plates together, and we'll put a variety of cookies on each plate, and then write a little note.

And then they love carrying the cookies over, and knocking on the door, and delivering them.

So they have a blast with that.

But I'm a little baked out for right now.

So I'll probably bake some more, you know, in the coming weeks.

But between that and Thanksgiving the week before, and, you know, weekly bread, and stuff like that, I'm like, whew, okay, I need a little bit of a break from all that.

As we look forward into 2025, we are in search of some more awesome birth stories.

So if you or anybody that you know has a birth story that you think would be a good fit for this podcast, I would love for you to click on the link in the episode show notes.

It's right there at the bottom of the description.

All you have to do is click on it and fill out a few simple highlights about your story, and it will send it straight to me, and I'll be able to get in touch with you.

So whether it's your story or whether you think somebody else would be great for that, you could send the link to them.

But we are looking for more stories for 2025.

So I really hope to hear back from some of you soon.

It would be great to have more of you on the show.

Now, let's get into this week's episode.

It can be so incredibly difficult to understand God's timing.

He can see and understand so much more than we'll ever be able to.

And living in His will is truly the best place for us all.

But will we trust Him in the waiting?

Hear how Ashley and her husband had to do that as they patiently waited for God to give them their two babies who were born over a decade apart.

Well, welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and I have Ashley with me today.

So, Ashley, take a second, introduce yourself, let us get to know you, tell us who you are so we know whose story we are listening to today.

Yeah, my name is Ashley.

My husband is Anthony.

We have two kids, a daughter named Marybeth and a son named Caleb.

Marybeth is 11 and Caleb is 13 months.

So, kind of a big age gap there, but it's wonderful.

She loves being a big sister, and she's so excited to have her little brother.

When we brought him home, the first thing she said was, I prayed for you for so long.

That is so sweet.

I mean, yeah, with that age gap, she's kind of like a little mama.

Yeah, she's not terribly hands-on.

She does say that he's the only baby she likes.

And even before he was born, she's like, I'm not sure that I want to have kids someday.

And then after he was born, she's like, I think I might.

It's so funny that she wanted a little brother or a sibling for so long.

And then she's like, yeah, but I want other people to have babies.

I don't want to have babies.

Well, hopefully, this experience has all shifted that a little bit.

Yes.

So when is his birthday?

Because I have an almost 13-month-old.

September 28th.

Oh, close, close, close, close.

Cool.

Mine's October 9th, but.

Okay.

So tell us about your first pregnancy.

What was the journey to that?

Like, how did that all happen?

So we tried for a few years to get pregnant.

Through that, we learned that I have PCOS.

So we had a hard time conceiving, had lots of tests done.

And then once we went to the fertility specialist, I got pregnant the first month.

It was incredible.

Yeah, I was so shocked that it happened that quickly.

But it was an incredible process.

A lot of heartache leading up to that.

But once that point got here, it was just amazing how just excited everybody was.

And I'd say the first trimester is hard for me.

I ended up losing about 20 pounds that first trimester because I was so sick.

But once the second trimester got here, it was just smooth sailing.

So that was really nice.

So what did they do in the fertility, like with the specialist so quickly?

Like, what were the interventions they did to help that work that fast?

They essentially just had to make me ovulate.

So I had to do some injections, lots of ultrasounds to track the growth of my follicles to see when I was ready to ovulate.

So we lived about an hour and a half-ish away from that doctor's office, and I would have to go multiple days in a row for ultrasounds.

I mean, there was a lot that went into that.

But yeah, they just said, all right, hey, you're ready, do your trigger shot.

And then we didn't have to have any other interventions, so we were able to be together to make that happen, which was nice.

It didn't get to happen that way the second time, but that's okay.

I remember it was so funny.

We were waiting on the news to find out if it had worked.

I intentionally did not take a home pregnancy test because I thought, what if it's too early?

If it's negative but too early, then I don't want to still have that hope that, like, oh, I just need to wait a couple more days.

I wanted certainty, so I made myself wait to take a test.

They did blood work, but the blood work was, they did it on Labor Day because with the fertility office, timing is everything, and they're open just about every day of the year.

So they did blood work that morning and said, we'll call you with the results.

In the meantime, we drove to see my parents, because we were already about halfway to their house.

So we went to visit them, and we had gone out to lunch, and I got the phone call from the doctor's office while we were in the middle of a restaurant, and they said, hey, you're pregnant.

It was just amazing because I had walked away from the table, and I just stopped in the middle of the restaurant and started crying.

And my husband came over to me, and he started crying, and my parents were just sitting there like, what is happening?

But that was such a wonderful moment to get to share with them.

They knew that we had struggled some, but they didn't know the full extent of everything that we were going to.

Because at that time, I was kind of private about a lot of that.

But I've learned that this is the story that God gave me for a reason, and that if I can help other people with my story, then that's part of the purpose.

So, it's really important to me to share that and let people know that God is amazing, and that He works in miraculous ways, and that even with using medication to be able to get my body to function the way that it should, it's able to do that because God created man's mind to develop these medications and to know how to monitor things.

And I look at it the same way as like, okay, if you get sick with streptococcus, you need an antibiotic, then that's there for a reason.

And the advances that we've made in medicine are all because of God.

So that was something that really helped me throughout my journey in like deciding what to do in this, that do we keep waiting?

And like, medicine's here for a reason.

It's okay to use it.

Yeah, I mean, our world is fallen and broken, and then not the perfect garden that he created it to be in the first place.

And after the fall, all sorts of stuff has gone down.

And so, yeah, so we've had to in our best way.

I mean, he gave us minds and brains and tools and stuff to figure out ways to do what he initially called us to do, which is, you know, to multiply.

So first trimester was yucky, and I can totally relate to that.

And second trimester was smooth.

Did you have to see, like, any sort of, like, special OBGYN because of the way you guys conceived or once you got past the first trimester, were you guys just sort of in the clear to kind of see whichever provider that you wanted?

Yeah, we were cleared at that point, so I didn't have to see a specialist.

They just released me back to my OBGYN, and everything was great from that point.

I knew that I wanted a natural birth.

I had done research about that and knew that anytime you have any intervention during birth, it can be a cascading effect to other interventions, and I did not want that.

But I also didn't realize what I needed to do to prepare for that.

That I guess I treated it like a choice, like, oh yeah, I'm going to choose not to get the epidural, not realizing that, okay, there's more than that.

There's positioning, there's thinking about your affirmations, there's different techniques that you can use to help get through that and to help your hormones during birth and labor to just remind yourself, like, okay, you don't have to be in fight or flight.

You want your adrenaline to stay low.

How can you stay calm?

Yeah.

I didn't know any of that.

And when I talked to my doctor about it, she kind of treated it the same way, too, that she's like, oh, yeah, you know, if you can do a natural birth, that's fine.

And that was really the extent of the conversation.

There was no recommendation on any classes to take or anything like that.

It was literally just a choice.

And the hospital that we chose said that they were very natural minded.

They had tubs for you to get in.

But then by the time I was ready to deliver, they're like, oh, you can labor in the tub, but you can't deliver in the tub.

And there were lots of different things, and people weren't certified to help with that.

At that time, we were in Alabama, and they didn't even license midwives.

So it never was a choice to have a midwife.

Which they do now, by the way.

Yes.

Hallelujah.

So there were just lots of things that I just didn't know.

And I didn't know that I didn't know those things.

So that made my second birth much different.

But I went to 40 weeks in one day, and my first pregnancy, I woke up around 4.30 that morning, and thought, I think I felt something different.

And I got up and went to the bathroom, and my water had broken.

So that was my first sign of labor.

I had not felt any contractions before that.

I woke my husband up and said, oh, hey, my water broke.

And he jumped up and started getting ready.

I'm like, I said, no, no, go back to sleep.

It's fine.

I'm going to take a shower.

And he kind of looked at me like I had three heads, like, no, we need to do something.

It's fine.

Just go back to sleep.

So I just had kind of a slow start to the morning.

But then within an hour, my contractions were already five minutes apart, lasting for about a minute.

So I felt like things were progressing pretty quickly.

We went to the hospital.

And when I got there, they determined that there was meconium in my water.

They were concerned about that.

I was only three centimeters dilated.

So I'm like, oh, wow, you know, we were expecting you to be more dilated than that.

Oh, come on.

First time, Ma.

It's only been a few hours.

Right.

Her head was not firmly applied to my cervix.

So they were concerned about the potential for a prolapse cord.

So they wouldn't let me walk around or get in the tub.

They wouldn't let me use the tub because of the meconium either.

Oh, man.

All the red tape at the hospital.

Yes.

Yes.

So I remember talking with the nurses, and they said, yeah, we've been watching you on the monitor.

Your contractions are really intense.

They're close together.

But you're just not dilating.

Well, yeah, because you won't let me stand up.

Oh, yeah.

We need that gravity.

Yes.

So knowing what I know now, I would have done things so much differently, and you had a doula to help advocate and to help me with positioning and just different things.

But of course, I just didn't know at that time.

But it was about 12 hours later, and I was still only at five centimeters.

And I did finally get an epidural because I felt like there was no end in sight.

And the doctor came in.

It wasn't my doctor.

It was the doctor on call.

I had met her before, but she was not my regular doctor.

And at that point, I was at six centimeters, and this was about 5 p.m.

And she said, all right, I'm going to come back in an hour.

And if you've not progressed anymore, we're going to talk about a C-section.

Wow.

What a clock.

Yes.

And I felt myself give up at that point.

I remember that feeling of just like, I have failed.

This was just too hard.

It's not going how we wanted it to.

And I resigned myself at that point that, okay, it's been 14 hours almost, and I'm normally at six centimeters.

I'm just not going to progress anymore within that hour.

So, they did shift change and I got a new nurse, and she came in and she did have me try some different positions in the bed.

She put some pillows between my legs and had me roll on each side a couple of times.

And I went from six centimeters to ten centimeters in an hour.

Look at that nurse.

I'm like, where have you been all day?

Yeah.

Well, even so, when you're saying, I'm like, 12 hours, 14 hours, that's really not a long time for a first labor.

It's not.

It sounds like that doctor may have been wanting to go home.

Right.

I think that there were some things behind the scenes that they didn't tell me about.

Because I remember them saying, talking about variables and come to find out the baby's heart rate was dropping and she was not recovering as well as they like to see.

But they didn't tell me that.

Yeah.

And I get that there was a fine line of, we want mom to stay calm and in the moment and not be worried, but at the same time, you owe it to me to tell me exactly what's happening.

So after the fact that was really frustrating.

But when she came back at six o'clock, she said, okay, well, you're ready to push, so I'm going to have you push with the nurse for a bit and when you're ready, they'll call me.

Did you feel like pushing?

I didn't feel anything.

Oh, okay.

So the nurse had me push once.

And then she said, okay, I want you to stop calling the doctor.

So, the doctor came back in, and they did tell me that because of the meconium, there were going to be a lot of people in the delivery room, a lot of respiratory therapists to make sure that everything was good and that baby didn't ingest anything during delivery.

And thankfully, she didn't.

Everything was fine on that front.

But yeah, three pushes and she was here.

Wow.

So super easy delivery.

Okay.

How big was she?

7'12.

Wow.

Way to go, mama.

First time epidural.

Look at that.

So how did breastfeeding go and how did postpartum go after that experience?

That was mostly great.

I was able to breastfeed with very few issues.

The one thing that I wish I had known about was the growth spurt that happens around 7-10 days, and the cluster feeding that happens with all of that.

Because I wasn't aware that that was a thing, and so I'm thinking, okay, do I not have enough supply?

And I remember being stressed about that because she was eating so frequently.

I know that was all completely normal, and she breastfed and gained weight like a champ.

Good.

I know it wasn't like the unmedicated labor you were going for necessarily, but it sounds like overall, it ended up going smoothly.

Yes, it did.

You know, fast forward to the second time around with the 10 years in between.

We did try fertility treatments again earlier in that process, and it was unsuccessful time after time.

We were in the middle of treatments, and my husband was in the military at the time.

We found out he was getting deployed.

So we said, okay, let's just stop.

This is not the right time.

And then for a long time, I thought, hey, is our family complete with one child, or does God want us to have more?

And that was something that I wrestled with a good bit, and just trying to trust his timing on things.

And then my daughter was asking questions and wanting to know, okay, why don't I have a sibling?

I'm not the only kid in my class that is an only child.

And I remember one night I was playing with her in bed, and she had asked me about another baby.

And I remember telling her that I had to take lots of shots to get her, that we had to have help from a doctor.

So she was aware that there was a lot involved and that it wasn't easy for us.

And she said, will you do shots and shots and shots again to have another baby?

And just she wanted that so badly.

So after lots of prayers and just time spent with God, thinking about it and praying, we decided, okay, yes, let's try this one more time.

So we saw a new doctor.

In the meantime, we had moved to Kentucky, where they do have midwives.

And that's pretty common here.

We saw the fertility specialist, and it took a while, this go-around.

From the first time that we saw him until I got pregnant, it was about two years.

And that was something that was also dis-partening.

And this gap was, okay, I got pregnant the first time with the fertility specialist with my daughter, and that's not happening again.

So it was hard to have those expectations and realize, okay, that's not the story this time.

Yeah.

In the meantime, we're 10 years older.

And my husband faced some challenges as well.

So we had to see someone for him, and just normal aging things.

But it was still something that we had to work through.

And it was very discouraging.

I had a lot more moments this time where it was, okay, God, why isn't this the time?

I trust that this is what's supposed to happen, but when is it going to happen?

And lots of heartbreak and seeing people that, okay, this was just so easy for them, and it's not easy for me.

And we have a warm, loving home that we want to invite another child into, and we can't.

And so, yeah, definitely, definitely a lot of time spent in prayer and in worship, and asking God to heal my heart, and to confirm that this is the story that he had for us.

So it was a lot more pain in the story this time.

But, as I said earlier, I know that God gave me that story for a reason, and that he wants me to help other women with that story.

And I'm so thankful that he's given me the opportunity to do that, and to walk with women and say, Yeah, this really hurts.

And it's hard to see people who have what you so desperately want and know that it's not time for you.

So, there's not much you can say to help heal that.

You can just walk with people through that and let them know that it's okay.

Like, I'm here, God hears your prayers, He hears your pain, and He is here with you, too.

I feel that on so many different levels, especially, I have a lot of friends who have really struggled to get pregnant or to stay pregnant.

Over the years, some who have just sort of given up and just said, okay, maybe it's not meant to be, others who have seeked every type of fertility treatment out there and IVF and everything.

So it breaks my heart, because I always feel like as somebody personally who's never experienced that personally, I realize they probably don't want to hear anything that I have to say.

And so I always just try to very tenderly like, I'm crushed for you and I'm praying for you, but there's nothing I feel like I can say to necessarily encourage them through it because I haven't personally gone through it myself.

Yeah, that was something that...

God is so gracious, and he allowed me the ability that even though I was hurting for myself, I could still be joyful for other people.

And there's a concept that I've heard that a compliment to one is not an offense to another.

So I can be happy for you.

I can share in your joy.

And in the midst of this, there were times that people from church would have babies, and I would take them dinner.

And it may have been hard to be around babies, but it's not their fault.

I want them to enjoy that moment.

This is their life.

Just because that's where they are in their story, and that's what God has for them, doesn't mean that my pain is not real, too.

And I was able to separate that in a way that I can be happy for you all, so being sad for me.

And I think that's something, too, that God has taught me through all of this, is that we all are at different places in our lives, and my story is not your story.

And you see the kids that come into broken homes, and I've said this to God several times, that why do they deserve a baby and I don't?

But it's not about what any of us deserve.

It's about that God has a plan for that person and that baby, and they were born at the right time, just like an Esther, such a time as this, that you're just resting in that, that God's timing is not my timing.

And that is amazing and beautiful and perfect, because if I got what I wanted when I wanted it, I would not have the life that I have, and I would not learn what he has for me.

That he is sovereign, and he has developed this plan for each of us, and I have to trust that his plan is good because he is good.

And I know that he wants what's best for us, just like what I want what's best for my kids.

And I know that sometimes that means that they have to deal with difficult things in order to get to the part that is best.

That if I just hand them what they want, the minute that they want, they're not going to learn.

They're not going to recognize the importance of trusting God and relying on Him.

So it's amazing to me how much being a mother has shifted my perspective on my relationship with God.

And I love the parallels between our relationship with Him and the parent-child relationship.

Because it's so fun to see all of that development and how my eyes have been opened.

That I'll have a moment with my kids, and then it's, oh, hey, that's what God's been trying to teach me.

So I just, I love that connection.

Yeah, me too.

I feel like maybe a small way that I can kind of relate to what you're talking about is, in my pregnancies, I get so incredibly ill.

It sounds dramatic, but I feel like I'm dying.

Especially, I remember my third pregnancy, I felt like this is what death feels like.

This must be what it feels like right before you meet the Lord.

I had body ache and chills, and I couldn't stop throwing up, and I couldn't eat anything, and just I couldn't move.

And if I move, I'm only moving to throw up, and that's it.

And then I hear other women who are like, I feel the best I've ever felt when I'm pregnant.

And pregnancy is amazing to me, and I just have all this energy, and I just feel like I'm glowing, and I have life growing inside of me, and it's such a miracle.

And I'm like, yes, that is great.

I feel like earlier on, I used to be, transparently, I used to be very jealous of women like that, who didn't experience the hardships of pregnancy that I experience.

And I'm like, wow, you just get to live your same normal life, and yet you're pregnant, but you don't feel any differently.

That is, that's amazing.

But now I really am.

I really do, like when somebody tells me that they didn't throw up at all, or they didn't feel sick at all, or that they had lots of energy, or they felt better when they were pregnant, like all that, I really am able to be like, I love that for you.

And that's great, because it also encourages me and gives me hope that like maybe that could happen, you know, one day, or encourages other people and other women to know that not every woman gets incredibly ill when they're pregnant.

You know, not every woman experiences like the intense nausea and vomiting and all that.

So, okay, so it's been a decade or more.

What ended up working, I guess, what ended up being the thing that worked for getting pregnant with your son?

This time we did have to do IUI, which is intrauterine insemination.

Can you explain to people what that is real quick, just in case people don't know?

I feel like a lot of people are familiar with IVF, but not as much with IUI.

So they still had to make me ovulate.

They still tracked it.

They did use a different medication this time.

It was an oral medication, not an injectable.

So they didn't have to monitor me quite as closely, because with the injection, there were more side effects that they had to pay attention for.

So not quite as many trips to the doctor while waiting for me to ovulate.

And then once I was ready, my husband and I both had to go to the office, and he had to make his deposit.

And then they were very particular about, okay, make sure this is his name, verifying all of the identity on there.

And then they had to insert that, and I had to hang out there in the syrups for about 20 minutes to let everything set, and then wait and do the two-week wait at that point.

Thanks for explaining that, because some people are like, what's the difference?

I thought it was the same thing.

So.

Yeah.

So it's a step further than what we had to do the first time, but not as invasive as IVF.

Right.

And there again, we were in the doctor's office on Christmas Eve.

So.

And there was a huge snowstorm.

We had to leave home super early to get there just because of how terrible the roads were.

There was ice.

It was crazy.

But it's one of those things.

The timing is important.

You have to do it.

Yeah.

So thankfully, everything worked out.

The morning that I found out I was pregnant, I did not sleep well that night at all.

And I got up around 2 o'clock in the morning, and I thought, okay, I'm going to go ahead and test because I can't sleep.

And it was a very faint line.

But I was like, is that really it?

Am I seeing things?

So I never could go back to bed.

And finally, at 5 o'clock, I went to the pharmacy to get a digital test.

And then I came home and I took that.

Just this office did it differently than my last office with the blood work.

They wanted you to test at home.

So I took that and the digital test confirmed it.

So of course, started crying, wake my husband up, and he starts crying.

My daughter woke up because she could hear us, and she's like, what's going on?

So I had had a shirt made for her about two years before this, that said only child, and it was crossed out, and then it said big sister.

So I was able to give that to her, and she worked to school that day, and it was just perfect.

I knew that I could not keep anything a secret from her because she had been asking for this for so long, and she would ask for updates because she knew we were going to the doctor.

Yeah.

So I thought there's no way I can keep this a secret from her.

She's been praying for this too, so she deserves to know as soon as we know.

So it was just a wonderful morning.

None of us can go back to sleep after that, of course.

So we just got up and started our day a little earlier than normal.

And she was so sweet throughout my whole pregnancy.

There was one morning that I did get sick, and I didn't quite make it all the way into the bathroom.

And so I cleaned all of that up, and she was keeping tabs on how much I was getting sick.

And she would ask me, did you get sick this morning?

I said, yeah, I did.

But I cleaned it up.

And she said, you should have woken me up.

I would have cleaned that up for you.

I said, I can't ask you to do that.

And she said, you would do it for me if I were sick.

You are the sweetest kid ever.

That is so sweet.

Wow.

You know, your kid loves you when she's willing to clean up your throw up.

Exactly, exactly.

And I remember during the pregnancy, I started having lots of feelings about, you know, there's such a big age gap.

How is that going to change my relationship with her once the baby's born?

Yeah.

How is she going to feel about the baby?

Like, just all of these doubts started creeping in about, did we really do the right thing?

And being so nervous about that, that, you know, I just felt those reassurances from God that, remember, it's my timing, this is my plan.

And everything has been amazing.

I have absolutely loved seeing her become a big sister and just how much she loves her little brother.

It's so sweet.

So this go-around, I saw a midwife instead of an OB, and that made a huge difference in my labor and delivery.

I debated about doing a home birth, but I had heard from people who have had them that in the event of a transfer, hospitals aren't terribly nice to people who choose a home birth and then have to be transferred, which is really disappointing.

Depending on who you get, that can be very true.

Yes.

So about an hour from our house, there is a birth center.

It's actually in another state.

They're not currently licensed in Kentucky, but I have lots of friends who will drive that far to see this particular practice to be able to use their birth center.

Is it in Ohio?

Indiana.

Oh, cool.

So I absolutely loved all the midwives there.

They were so kind.

I was concerned about, okay, are they going to treat me differently because of my age?

Do I have to jump through more hoops?

Because I was 37 at the time.

But they were like, oh no, no big deal.

Everything's fine.

So that was nice to have that reassurance that they were not concerned at all about any of the things that I feel like an OB would have been concerned with.

Yeah.

So it's nice to be treated as a person and not a statistic.

Mm-hmm.

Amen, girl.

So they do require that you go through a six-week natural birth course.

But this time, I also had done research on my own and just learned different things about acupressure and the different physicians to use and spinning babies and just lots of different things, the mile circuit, for instance, just different stuff to do, to try to change positions, to help baby and let gravity do its thing.

So with this one, my labor was almost identical to my last one.

My water broke at 5 a.m., which again was my first sign of labor.

I had not had any contractions before that.

So I again woke up, my husband said, oh, by the way, we're having a baby today.

My water just broke and I said, but it's okay, I'm going to go back to bed this time.

I laid back down and tried to sleep for a couple of hours.

I did talk to my midwife's office and let them know.

So they told me to just call them back with updates.

And probably a couple of hours later, I did get up and I sat on the exercise ball a little bit and just rolled around, rolled my hips.

I had seen a chiropractor throughout pregnancy to help.

So that was incredible too because I remember with my first, toward the end, I was done.

I'm ready to get this baby out of here.

I'm so over being pregnant.

But I didn't feel that this time.

My midwives would ask me how I was feeling.

Perfect.

I made it to 41 weeks in one day this time.

Wow.

So you were from further along and you felt really good.

Yes.

I tell people, a chiropractor can make or break the end of your experience.

Absolutely.

And I started seeing him around 17 weeks because I was having some sciatic pain.

That went completely away, but he just kept things open, which was incredible.

And he has a bit of a prankster personality.

And he would tell me toward the end of my pregnancy, he's like, you are not allowed to go into labor in this office.

Like if your water breaks, we're putting you in a wheelchair and getting you out the door.

It's not an emergency.

It's fine if that happens.

He's like, no, I don't do that.

I'm not that kind of doctor.

You were getting out of this office.

So we laughed about that.

Then when I was 39 weeks, I pretended that my water broke in his office.

I spilled some in the floor and like waited for him to come out from a room, and he saw it and he froze.

He's like, I don't know what to do.

It was so funny.

Oh my gosh.

We still laugh about that.

I saw him this morning and he made a joke about it.

So yeah, I labored at home for longer this time because there was no need to rush.

Not that I rushed last time because my contractions were super close together at that point.

But we just took our time getting to the birth center.

We got there around noon-ish.

The only time that they checked to see how far dilated I was when I got there and they never checked again.

And I was at five centimeters at that point, but they were just asking how I was feeling.

And I remember my husband, he said, I think she might be in transition now.

And it was so funny because I'm like, okay, he actually paid attention in the classes that we had to go to.

Which honestly, like, the classes were great, but I felt like they helped him so much more than helped me, just because he got to see the things that are normal and see, like, oh, hey, this is how this is supposed to happen.

This is how I can best support you.

And, oh, hey, remember, do you want to do that, that position?

Or, you know, do you want pressure on your back?

Just different things.

So that was really helpful for him to have gone through that, to be able to support me.

That's great.

I did have some acupressure balls that I bought from Amazon, $6.

And every time I would have a contraction, I would just squeeze those.

And it's kind of like the comb method that people do.

And I think that was a game changer for me, because it was incredible.

I got to get in a tub this time.

And one thing about the tub, though, I felt like it did slow things down a little bit for me.

Yeah, it can, depending on where you are in labor.

But it probably felt great.

It did feel good.

But I was like, okay, you know, I've had a nice little break, a nice little relaxation in here, but it's time to get out.

So movement was key.

I wanted to walk around, rolled my hips on the ball, just different things.

But labor just regressed.

Timeline was around the same as my first.

She was born at 635 and he was born at 438.

So roughly close to the same length of time with labor.

But it was so funny because they were refilling the tub for me.

And I said, okay, I need to poop.

And I always knew whenever mom says she needs to poop, it means baby's about to be here.

But I thought, no, enough time hasn't passed yet.

I'm not in as much pain as I think I should be to be at that point.

Like I really think I just need to go to the bathroom.

And they had a student midwife who was in there with me.

And she's like, okay, you go ahead and sit there for a minute while I fill the tub.

But I'm going to call them in the midwife.

So she knew what was up.

She did.

I did get back in the tub.

I'm a really tall person.

I'm about 5'10, and I just could not get into a position that I liked that was comfortable in the tub, so I got back out of there and did end up back on the bed.

But it was the same story as before, just a few pushes, and he was here.

Wow.

And how big was he?

He was 9'12.

Oh, and just a few pushes.

Look at you, you're a good pusher.

Yeah, I've always heard bigger babies are easier because of gravity.

So maybe that helped, but...

I would say it all depends on the size of their head and the position that you're pushing in.

But yeah, I mean, but yeah, I had, my last baby was 9'2, and I was like almost standing.

I was sort of like leaned over.

I was standing up, but I was leaned over on something, and it felt kind of like he fell out of me.

Yeah.

So both of their heads were the exact same size.

I think she was actually longer.

He was just bigger.

Yeah.

Well, second baby, boy, that doesn't surprise me in the least.

So how did your experience differ than being at a birth center that time in the right after the baby was born part, than the hospital?

So at the birth center, I feel like our time after he was born went by so quickly.

They require that you stay there for four hours.

You can stay longer than that if you want.

But as long as everything is good, they can let you go home at that point.

So that's kind of about how we did it.

Because I knew everybody was waiting, like my parents were at our house with Marybeth.

So I wanted to get back home to them.

So we really didn't stay that long.

We stayed there for four hours and then came home.

But that whole four hours, part of that was delivering the placenta.

And I did have a small postpartum hemorrhage.

So they did have to give me Pitocin to help stop that.

And then they also gave me cytotech.

But they were talking to me the whole time.

And she said they have three medications that they can give.

And then if they give in the third one, and you're still bleeding more than what they like to see, you'd have to be transferred at that point.

So there was a small concern about that.

But initially, she told me I could wait a few minutes before making a decision about the Pitocin, and if they do like to do it as an act of management of that third stage of labor.

But she's like, you don't have to do it.

We can wait and see how things go.

So it was nice to be in control and to have those conversations, which didn't happen in the hospital because they just did things.

Like at the end of my labor of that one, around the last 15 to 20 minutes, they did give me Pitocin, and they didn't tell me that they were doing it.

So that's just one of the things that made me so happy with the birth center having those conversations and being informed and knowing that ultimately it was my choice to go ahead and do the Pitocin and being able to talk about, okay, well, what if we don't do it?

And the risk of doing it versus not doing it and actually being informed.

That was really important for me.

But yeah, once he was born, we just, they have a queen size bed in each room.

So it's not a hospital bed.

So it was nice as a family.

We just got to cuddle there together and snuggle our sweet little baby and just not have to constantly having people in and out of the room checking this and checking that.

They made sure we were okay, and we just got to relax and enjoy our baby.

I had two birth center babies, so I totally, totally get that.

Love a good birth center.

Yes.

So then how did your breastfeeding postpartum spirits go with him?

Also amazing.

He just took to it like a champ.

We didn't have any real issues there.

Postpartum was great.

It was a different transition a little bit with him because I didn't have postpartum depression with him, but I do remember having some feelings that, okay, there's just a lot going on and making myself stop.

Because I think it was the time of the year that, okay, during that postpartum time where we're coming up on the holiday season, and things were just busier.

So I struggled some with that of trying to do everything and having to remind myself, you know what, I have a newborn.

It is okay.

We are not going all the places for holidays.

We can say no.

Mm-hmm.

That's right.

Well, and that's good to admit that too.

I've had a November baby, and I can totally, totally relate to that being like, well, this year, we'll maybe go to church on Christmas Eve, and that's about the extent of our holiday participation.

So do you have anything that you want to share as we close in terms of like maybe what God taught you through these experiences?

I know you touched on that before with your first experience, but what he taught you or any advice that you have or other parents out there?

Yeah, I think, as I mentioned before, that his timing is key, that we have to remember that things happen in his time, not our time.

And I remember before I got pregnant the second time, I was at church, and one of the songs I was playing was Do It Again, and it's I Know You'll Do It Again.

And just that resolve and that faith that I've seen you do it, you move mountains, and I know you're going to do it again.

And just remembering that he is in control and he is sovereign.

And a beautiful part of that story is we sang that song.

I remember it in January of 2022.

I was not yet pregnant.

I got pregnant in December of that year.

But I had just had a negative test and was heartbroken, and remembering, like, okay, God, I have this faith.

I know I'm going to see you do this again.

It really hurts right now.

And there were tears streaming down my face during church.

And then the first Sunday that we went back to church after he was born, in October of 2023, we sang that song again.

And I emailed the worship pastor.

I was like, I have to tell you this story.

But, you know, just seeing God's promises fulfilled, and, you know, like, okay, I had the faith then that you would move the mountain and you have moved the mountain.

And you don't just do that in these instances.

You do it every day throughout the rest of our lives.

And just having that reminder of that faith to, you know, just always rely on him.

And as I was preparing for today, I was talking to my husband and I asked him, hey, you know, what did you learn throughout that?

And he kind of said the same thing that, you know, we can't rely on ourselves.

We have to rely on God, that he is the one who sustains us.

He has that power to move mountains.

Just always remember that.

Thank you for sharing that story about church.

Like, I had goosebumps when you said it, just like God was clearly speaking to you and showing to you, like, see?

I did it.

You had the faith, and here it was.

Well, thank you, Ashley.

Thank you for sharing.

I really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to do this.

That means a lot to me.

Thank you so much.

I love the ministry that you have and all the women that you help through sharing their stories and just connecting with other women to talk about.

It's not just a birth story.

It's God's story and how He works in our lives.

And it's just so beautiful.

Thank you for what you do.

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram, or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

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We hope you have a great week, and remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans and then leave it in God's hands.

We are replacing the flooring in our basement, so I'm getting prepared for all that.

Oh, you're so lucky, because you live up north, so you have a basement.

We, okay, so I'm from Ohio, and then originally West Virginia, and we always had basements.

Every house had a basement.

That's just part of having a house, is having a basement.

Moving down to North Carolina, there are not basements here, and I didn't realize that.

I remember, like when I was in college, and I came here, walking to someone's house, I was like, hey, cool, where's your basement?

And they were like, what?

And I'm like opening all these random doors, like closet doors and bathroom doors.

They're like, we don't have, like what?