059 - How Positivity Can Pay Off (with Kathryn King)

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SHOW NOTES:

Does pregnancy have to be miserable? Does childbirth have to be painful? Does postpartum have to be awful? No! No! No! Not one bit! Kathryn discovered there is a different way to experience these seasons than what our society has told us. Discover how her positive mindset going into pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum impacted all of those experiences first hand, and how it all began with making the decision to trust the Lord, and to surrender her plans to Him.

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TRANSCRIPT:

Not everybody hates childbirth.

Not everybody feels like they're dying.

Not everybody dreads the newborn stage.

Not everybody, you know, is in this excruciating pain.

And I was like, wow, like, the movies and people in my life talk about how painful this is and how awful pregnancy is, all the swelling and all the, you know, tiredness and all the aching and blah, blah, blah.

You hear a lot of negative stuff around pregnancy and childbirth.

This book is the total opposite.

Hi, I'm Kayla Heater, follower of Jesus, wife and mother of five children, Christian childbirth educator in Dula, and your host of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, where we share God-centered birth stories and evidence-based birth education and our pursuit of surrendering our birth plans to God.

Let's get started.

Hey, everyone.

Welcome.

I hope that your week is off to a good start.

In all transparency, I try to be very authentic here.

I can't do fakeness.

It's just not for me.

I just have to be myself at all times or I'm very uncomfortable.

But it has been a hard and heavy week here at the Heater household.

My son, my oldest son, had his tonsils and adenoids removed, along with tubes put in his ears.

And I really at first didn't think I would get that emotional about it.

And then, of course, they wheeled him back to surgery and we had to walk away.

And then I started crying and, you know, and of course, everything went fine.

It's smooth and he's had so many issues for years and years that have gotten really severe, that we know this is going to help with and because we tried all sorts of other things that didn't help.

And so we know this is going to be ultimately good for him, but the recovery process has been rough, a lot rougher than I anticipated.

It's just hard to see your kid in pain and for them to be like, you know, moaning and crying like all the time.

It's just, it's hard, and it's hard on my heart, and it's hard for his siblings to understand because they don't really know, at least the younger ones don't really know what he went through.

And so they're not really being that sensitive to it.

And also they're wondering why they can't have popsicles all day.

So that's definitely been a battle for our three year old.

But anyways, it's just been hard.

And I think we're about halfway through recovery.

I just kind of in my mind thought it would only be a few days of hardness and then it would get better and better.

But we're about a weekend and things are still pretty rough.

So that has been on the forefront this week, just being with Milo all day every day and trying to help take care of him and through the night too.

And then of course, everything that is happening to the western part of our state in North Carolina, from the hurricane, from the...

I mean, the things that are happening over there have just completely shattered and broken my heart.

And of course, I'm here with my son, trying to take care of him post-op, and I can't physically be there and do anything.

But I just feel like I've been praying constantly.

And through the advice of my husband, I took social media off of my phone this week and this weekend and everything because I just, I can't look at it anymore.

And I'm not like turning a blind eye to it.

I'm very much aware of what's going on.

And my heart is just crying out to Jesus for those people.

And for everybody involved, I just can't look at it anymore for my own emotional stability so that I can be a strong mom for my kids right now.

because I noticed the more I was taking in of what was happening in Western North Carolina, the less I was able to be a good mom, because I just emotionally could not be present with them.

And so I just took it off for the weekend.

And, you know, it's hard because in this day and age, to run a business or a podcast, it's like you have to have a social media, because there's no other way, you know, to get people to hear your message or see anything.

And so that's always been difficult to me, because I think sometimes I'm like, gosh, I just wish social media didn't exist.

And then other times, I'm like, yes, but this is how we're spreading the word, and I've learned so many things through it.

So, you know, anyways, I will be back on social media to post our podcast stuff for the week, but took a much needed break, and we'll probably continue to be taking a break other than to make those posts.

So it's just been hard.

It's just been a heavy week.

We also had some news for our family that, just personal news that's just been really hard emotionally for me to process, and it just felt like stacking one thing after another after another, and all just really, really heavy stuff.

And so, it's, it's, there's just been a lot of praying, a lot of praying happening.

And thankfully, though, I will say, I think the Lord timed this episode so beautifully because this week's story is so positive.

And I love that because I feel like everything that's happening right now is so negative.

So, I'm very grateful for the timing and God's orchestration of this episode being today or being this week because I think we could all use a little positivity right now.

Does pregnancy have to be miserable?

Does childbirth have to be painful?

Does postpartum have to be awful?

No, not one bit.

Kathryn discovered there is a different way to experience these seasons than what our society has told us.

Discover how her positive mindset going into pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum impacted all of those experiences firsthand and how it all began with making the decision to trust the Lord and to surrender her plans to Him.

Well, welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and I have Kathryn with me today.

So, Kathryn, I'm just going to have you introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about you and who you are, and give us a glimpse into your life so that we know who we're talking to today.

Yeah, I'm so excited, Kayla, and just really honored to get to speak about childbirth and everything.

I'm very passionate about this subject.

So, I'm Kathryn.

I'm 27.

I'm a wife.

I'm a mom as of July 4th to my daughter, Ella, and I'm obsessed with her.

So, it's just been a very sweet season.

I'm a stay-at-home mom and never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom.

I was definitely on the path to chasing a career and really climbing the corporate ladder.

I was in pharmaceutical recruiting and doing really well and making a lot of money.

And so, the Lord really spoke to me just to take a leap of faith back in 2021.

And after my husband Brock and I got married in April of 2022, I think it was like two or three months later as newlyweds, I quit my career in recruiting and knew I would be a stay-at-home mom once we had kids and started working on a devotional, and that's still a project I'm working on.

But that was why I quit my job and I knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.

So now, it's 2024, we're here, and I'm at home with her, and it's been a little over a month, and I love it.

So I'm blessed, and thankful I get to stay at home with her.

Wow.

I didn't realize your daughter was so young.

So when we were talking about recording this, I didn't realize how old she was.

So you are fresh.

You were like in the postpartum right now.

Very fresh.

We had her on July 4th, so it's only been a little over a month.

But it's been great.

So I've had a great experience.

Well, you look fabulous.

I would have never known you're in your postpartum time.

I know some women don't have the best experiences, but I did, and postpartum has been good so far.

So I'm thankful.

Wow.

Well, I'm excited to hear about it.

So let's start from the beginning, though.

Let's start with getting pregnant.

So I guess that would have been sometime last year.

So what was that like?

Give us a story leading up to that.

Yeah.

So in June of last year, I lost my grandfather, my dad's dad, and we called him Pawball, and I was very, very close with him.

That was super hard and kind of like put things in to perspective for me.

And so Brock and I were, isn't it funny how sometimes we think we have the plan and we can orchestrate it, and it's the Lord that determines the steps for us.

But we had had a plan that we would start trying in October of 23, and we lost Pawball in June of 23.

So several months before October.

When he passed away, it was obviously devastating.

And like I said, really put things into perspective for me.

And so we were actually at him and my grandmother's house, sitting on the back of his pickup truck.

And it was just Brock and I, and I was very emotional.

And I said to him, I don't want to wait till October.

I want to start trying now.

Like life is so short.

We don't know.

And the Bible talks about that, that life is but a vapor.

And so I shared that with my husband, just like, I don't want to wait.

And we were on the same page.

He was like, yeah, we don't need to wait.

Like, let's just go for it.

Now, my history is that I have been on birth control since I was, let's see, maybe 19, 18 or 19.

And I started getting into like the holistic lifestyle in 2021.

And so once Brock and I got married, I got off of birth control.

And we decided we were going to do natural family planning.

And so I would do the temperature method.

Just, you know, every morning would take my temperature and would be able to see when I ovulate and track all of that.

We started doing that when I got married.

And then we decided in the month of June, you know, we would start trying.

And I would, you know, look on my Natural Cycles app and see when I was ovulating and all of that.

Well, I was hearing from everyone around me.

Like, it was like every time I went on Instagram or Facebook, someone was announcing they were pregnant.

Friends were sharing with me, oh, it only took us one try.

Like, we got pregnant on the first try.

Or, oh, it only took us, you know, two months.

And not that people mean anything by that.

It's just that can be hard for someone who's in a season where it's taking them longer.

Yeah.

And so I truly thought we would get pregnant, like, the first try.

And that was not our story.

It took us five months, which that is not long.

And I'm so grateful.

There are people who are really wanting to get pregnant, and it's taking them years.

So I am not complaining about that.

I am very grateful.

But it was super difficult for me emotionally.

I didn't understand why it wasn't happening as quickly for us as it seemed that it was for other people.

And I was taking beef liver.

I was eating raw carrot salad and taking my normal supplements and I have a very healthy lifestyle.

So it just wasn't making sense to me.

And I remember it was actually July 4th of last year, which that's awesome because Ella was born on July 4th.

But we were going to see fireworks with our friends, lauren and Justin, and I told lauren, I'm a little discouraged about this.

I'm worried about my cycle, my luteal phase.

There were things I was just stressing about.

My faith was really tested.

Like during this time of trying, and she just looked at me and she was like, you need to put that book away, and you need to trust the Lord.

Like this is not who you are to be so like worried about this and putting your faith like in your supplements and this like natural cycles app.

Like that's not who you are.

And she just kind of like brought me back to reality, and I'm so thankful for her friendship.

And then my husband really second that and was like, you need to put that book away.

It's causing you a lot of stress.

And the world will say knowledge is power, but the Bible teaches that, you know, we have to be careful with knowledge that it puffs us up.

And so it can be dangerous in certain aspects and lead to anxiety and stuff like that.

And so I decided, you know, I'm going to stop reading this book that talks about fertility and everything.

I'm going to stop reading this.

And I just started praying, like really trying to ask the Lord to help me just trust him and like, not be so worried.

And I think a lot of times women can get so focused on trying to get pregnant and they stop enjoying intimacy with their husband.

It's like, oh my gosh, like I'm ovulating, like, let's go.

And it becomes kind of like work instead of enjoying intimacy.

And so that was something the Lord really taught me.

And so one day I was in just like deep prayer and I just really felt the Lord telling me like, just stop all of it.

And that was so scary for me because I was like, what?

Like I need to take these supplements.

Like I need to track my ovulation.

Then I had another friend tell me like, the Lord knows when you ovulate.

Like He created you.

He knows your ovulation date.

Like you don't need to be so obsessed about this.

And so it took me two months from hearing that.

Like I have it in my journal that I felt Him speak that to me.

Two months later, I was in my time with the Lord and I felt that again.

And I felt a deep conviction that I didn't listen.

And so I told my husband, like I heard the Lord say this two months ago, and I didn't, I wasn't obedient.

And now I'm feeling really convicted, and I'm feeling like I need to put my trust in the Lord and like stop taking all these supplements, and I need to just stop looking at the app because it's stressing me out.

My husband was like, yeah, like if you feel like the Lord said that, like do it, you know, He's God.

Like we're going to get pregnant when it's the right time.

We don't need to, you know, be putting our trust in the supplements and in the app and stuff.

So I did that.

I stopped all of that.

And maybe like a week later, I started getting like stressed out again.

And I think it was like it was our fourth month of trying.

And I remember I was crying and I actually got a sperm kit for to check my husband.

because I was like, why aren't we getting pregnant?

Like, I feel like I'm good.

You know, I got a hair tissue mineral analysis done.

And I was, you know, good for the most part.

So I started stressing again.

And I drove to Greensboro.

And this was the level of anxiety I had.

Like I pull in the parking garage and I hit a car.

So my day was already off to just like a terrible start.

And I called Brock crying.

And I was like, I just hit this car.

Like, what do I do?

I don't know who this person is.

So I had to like leave a note on their car.

I go into this lab and get his sperm kit.

I get back in the car.

I'm sobbing.

And I had like the most honest moment with the Lord on the drive home.

And it was so raw and so honest.

I was like heavy sobbing.

And I just was like, Lord, I did what you said.

I got off the supplements.

I'm not looking at my app.

Like, why aren't we getting pregnant?

Like, I'm having to go home and give my husband this sperm kit.

Like, this isn't what I thought it was going to be.

This was like the second week of October, I believe.

So I have this raw moment.

I'm just breaking down.

I get home, and the kit just sits on the counter.

Like, my husband didn't even touch it.

And we go to sleep.

Well, the next morning was October 31st.

I guess this was later in October.

It wasn't the second week.

I may be getting some of the dates wrong, but I do know it was October 31st, and I woke up that morning, and I hadn't started my period.

And I was like, okay, and didn't really think much of it, because I wasn't looking at my app, so I didn't know when I was going to start my period.

I think I was supposed to, you know, maybe like a couple of days later or something.

I don't really remember.

So I was waking up, and first thing I would do was go to the bathroom and check, and I hadn't started my period.

So I went downstairs and started making breakfast.

Well, I was at my kitchen sink, and I shared this with like a few close friends.

I was at my kitchen sink and just kind of talking to the Lord, and just like trying to practice gratitude, just being grateful for another day, stuff like that.

And so clearly, like this has probably happened maybe three or four times in my walk with Jesus.

So clearly, I heard, you are pregnant, go take a pregnancy test.

Like that sentence came in my head.

And I journal a lot, so I still have this in my journal.

And I just immediately started sobbing.

And so that's how I knew it was the Lord, because that wasn't my fault.

Like, I was struggling.

I wasn't thinking I was pregnant, you know?

And verbatim, I heard in my head, like, you are pregnant, go take a pregnancy test.

So I go to the bathroom, I'm sobbing, I'm shaking.

I take the pregnancy test.

And I knew, like, I was pregnant.

And I looked down, and it was positive.

And I was freaking out, because my husband was not him.

So I was, like, jumping around the living room, like, sobbing, freaking out.

He was at Panera.

So I texted him and was like, can you please come home?

And I didn't want to give it away.

So I was like, can you please come home?

We're out of toilet paper.

Can you stop and get some toilet paper and bring it home?

I was standing at our front window.

He saw me standing there when he pulled up, and he was like, gosh, I guess she really needs some toilet paper.

He didn't know what was going on.

And he walked in the door.

I was just beaming, and I was like, come to the bathroom.

And he was like, okay.

And he saw the two lines, and he goes, oh, you're ovulating.

And I just was sobbing, and I was like, no, I'm pregnant.

And he could not believe it.

He was like, oh my gosh, are you serious?

And we just, you know, like, embraced each other and just, like, enjoyed that moment of knowing, like, the Lord was so faithful and, like, answered our prayers.

And of course, in his timing, not in ours, it was such a special moment.

We just were so overjoyed.

And we kept it to ourselves for probably four weeks, which was also really sweet because it was just so fun, like, being at home or being out and about and knowing that we were pregnant and nobody else knowing, and just kind of dreaming about, like, oh, are we going to have a boy or a girl?

Like, you know, starting to talk about all those things.

So it was fun for us to keep it in our hearts, like, for a little bit and just between the two of us.

And then we decided to share, you know, with family and friends.

And of course, everyone was excited.

So that's a little bit about the pregnancy story of how we got pregnant.

And I'm just, I love telling it because God's hand was just, like, so in the process.

And it was truly his perfect timing.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love everything you just shared and the transparency of it and the realness and rawness of it.

because the reality is, when we get fixated on something, we want it to happen yesterday.

Like, we don't want to have to wait for it.

We don't want to have to do it in someone else's timetable.

But ultimately, in hindsight, or however many years down the road, or whenever, if God ever reveals to us the reason, we can see why he chose the timing that he chose, or that it may not even have been that his timing of four months later or five months later was for a specific reason other than to get you to trust him, and to get you to surrender to him, and to get your faith increased by that experience instead of your faith in yourself, you know?

Right.

And I think that's probably my biggest struggle as a believer, is, do I really trust God, or am I doing this myself?

And that is something I'm continuously seeing, and God is like working that out in my life, because I've always been very self-sufficient and independent.

And so my pregnancy story, honestly, was one of the biggest times in my life where I was like, okay, I can't do anything.

I can, you know, do the physical things that are required to get pregnant, but it's not working.

And so it was like a huge revelation for me of like, I'm doing everything, eating healthy, you know, having sex when I'm ovulating, taking supplements to support my hormones.

I'm doing everything.

I'm controlling everything.

So you would think I would have gotten pregnant, you know, right away.

And so it was just a huge like eye opener for me of like, I am not in control as much as I think that I am.

And I can't do it.

Like, I need the Lord for everything.

But I mean, that was the biggest moment so far in my life where I was like, wow, like I really need him.

And he is the one that's gonna see me through this.

Like I have no answer and I can't do this.

And isn't it so much less of a burden when we let go of that control?

Yeah.

When we really do just hand it over to him and realize that like, it should have been, we should have given it to him in the first place.

And we wouldn't have had to walk through all that stress and all that anxiety over something so divine and supernatural.

Like, because honestly, and I say this to people all the time, we can be like the healthiest person on the planet, and we can know exactly when we're ovulating and have sex and time it perfectly and all the things and never get pregnant, right?

Or we can be the most unhealthy person on the planet and do all the things to prevent getting pregnant, like using condoms and being on birth control and all the things.

And if the Lord wills there to be a baby, like he's going to make a baby.

Absolutely.

So it really is to me, birth and pregnancy and just like the entire process is just, it's so supernatural and so miraculous.

And like the Lord is so intertwined in every detail of every person's story.

100%.

And like my background, which I've been very open about this, is that I was sexually active before being married.

And I can't tell you how many times I was praying to not be pregnant, which like, praise God that he has redeemed my story in my life.

But that was another piece in pregnancy that made me so emotional was, I was like, wow, I remember the days where I was not walking with the Lord, and I was praying the opposite of what I'm praying now.

Yeah.

Like I was literally like, please God, don't let me be pregnant.

And now, you know, so many years later, I'm married and in this like covenant marriage, and I'm praying the complete opposite.

Lord, please give me a baby.

Like, please open my womb.

Like, I'm ready to be pregnant, you know?

So that was a crazy experience for me as well, of just like, wow, how the Lord has changed my life and like redeemed me.

And that was so cool to, that's cool for me to look back on now and see just like priorities and like things that change when you are following the Lord.

Yeah.

Well, let's talk about the pregnancy then.

How was it?

Were you sick?

Were you nauseous?

Was it smooth sailing?

How did it go?

Well, I had a friend.

I went to grab coffee one morning at Sanctuary Coffee.

And I'm going to send this to Cassidy, so hopefully she'll listen and hear this.

But I was going to my cousin's baby shower.

So I was not pregnant, and I was going to her baby shower, and I was emotional that morning, because I was like, well, I want to be pregnant.

I want to be having a baby shower.

Cassidy had no idea we were trying, and I walked into the coffee shop and got a coffee.

And we hadn't seen each other in a while, and she just looked at me, and she said, you know, we caught up for a second, and she goes, I don't know where you and Brock are at, but I just read this really great book called Supernatural Childbirth.

You should read it.

And she has no idea, but like I get in the car and I'm just sobbing because she has no clue that we're trying, and that we haven't gotten pregnant yet, and the struggle emotionally that I had been having.

So that I tell that story because I read that book before we even got pregnant.

And I'm telling you, it completely flipped my mind upside down.

And I think that that is what prepared me for the pregnancy experience I had and the birth that I had.

And so reading that book, I realized like not everybody hates childbirth.

Not everybody feels like they're dying.

Not everybody dreads the newborn stage.

Not everybody is in this excruciating pain.

And I was like, wow, like the movies and people in my life talk about how painful this is and how awful pregnancy is, all the swelling and all the, you know, tiredness and all the aching and blah, blah, blah.

You hear a lot of negative stuff around pregnancy and childbirth.

This book is the total opposite.

And I had never read that.

I had never been, you know, opened to this idea that childbirth could be beautiful and that you could feel the Lord throughout your pregnancy and childbirth.

So I read that book.

And honestly, like, I just, you know, would pray a lot to be pregnant.

But I would also pray a lot to have a supernatural childbirth.

Those would be my exact words.

And I would also pray to have a beautiful pregnancy.

I would I would just be honest with the Lord and I would tell him, like, you created pregnancy, you created my body to be able to carry a baby.

I want to enjoy it.

I don't want to dread it.

I don't want to speak negatively about what you created.

So those would be my prayers.

And I had an amazing pregnancy.

I did not have a single complication.

I swelled some, you know, late in my third trimester, and it wasn't even that bad.

In the summer.

Right, in the summer, it was June.

We were on our family beach trip, and I was hot, and my fingers were swelling some, and my feet.

But, you know, and I'll be honest, of course, I was like, oh, this sucks.

But I was not miserable.

I was just like, man, I'm hot.

Like, I just can't stay out on the beach as long as I used to.

And so I stayed by the pool in a float, you know?

Like, I figured it out.

But my pregnancy, I...

I just honestly couldn't believe it because I had heard so much negativity around pregnancy.

But I was just so joyful.

And like, I did not have anything negative or bad happen.

I had some really intense pelvic pain.

And I was kind of like, okay, what is this?

because obviously this was my first pregnancy.

And I just kind of ignored it for several weeks.

And then I finally told my midwife.

And she was like, okay, it's probably like a little bit of pubic symphysis pain.

Let's start doing pelvic floor therapy.

I'm going to like, you know, recommend you to go to this pelvic floor therapist, and that should really help you.

So, you know, I did that.

And that helped tremendously.

And I think that's why I didn't have bad tearing.

So that was awesome, you know, like, so that would probably be my biggest complaint was, you know, having that pelvic pain.

But I went to a pelvic floor therapist, and that helped me tremendously.

And I was able to still walk, you know, and exercise and not have excruciating pain.

So, I mean, that, my pregnancy was beautiful, and I felt the Lord throughout the whole nine months.

And there was a lot of moments of fear, which I did not expect that, because I'm usually a very, like, I love life, go with the flow.

Like, I don't really fear.

And for me, like, once I started seeing a bump and, like, feeling her kick, I would begin to have fears when I didn't feel her, you know, move quite as much or, oh, you know, maybe this steak wasn't cooked as well done as it should have been.

I would, like, go to the worst place in my mind and be like, something's gonna happen or, like, oh, she's not kicking as much, like, is something wrong?

So, again, this was another opportunity to really trust in the Lord.

And I would just pray all the time, literally constantly in my head of, like, just keep me focused on you.

You have got this.

You have got me.

You gave me this baby.

You're going to protect me.

You're going to protect her.

So that's kind of how I made it through some of those fears.

And then early in the third trimester, I did have a really big scare where I felt like I wasn't feeling her as much.

So I didn't sleep for like two nights.

And finally, I was like, Brock, we need to go see the midwife.

Like, I'm, I'm scaring myself.

So they did like a stress test and everything was totally fine.

It's just later in your pregnancy, the movements kind of can be a little different.

And it's not as many like spastic jabs.

It's kind of more of like feeling like a role for me.

And so I just was honest with my husband and we went to the midwife and then I felt so much better and I could sleep, you know?

So that was the one big like scare, but yeah, I mean, I had a great pregnancy and I didn't have morning sickness, which that was something I prayed about before we even got pregnant.

I prayed for a supernatural childbirth.

I prayed for the ability to enjoy pregnancy and like be grateful.

And then I prayed that I would not have morning sickness.

And the Lord was faithful with all of that.

And I never once threw up.

So, I'm very thankful for that.

I had moments where I was like, like kind of nausea with certain foods.

I still cannot eat ground turkey or even look at it.

And that was like the biggest one.

But yeah, I mean, I never had morning sickness or anything that like affected me negatively during pregnancy.

Well, that's incredible.

And I think based on what you said, I think the biggest factor in that was your positive outlook and your positive expectations too.

Like praying to the Lord about it, but also like putting on that mentality of positivity.

because you're right.

Like when you expect pregnancy to be horrible, oftentimes it's horrible.

And I'm guilty of that myself because my pregnancies have not been so great.

And to me, pregnancy is the harder part and like the childbirth and the baby phase is the easy part.

Not that it's easy.

I would just say easier than for me personally, the pregnancy, but I am guilty of that.

And I have to check myself and I have to remember like, this is a gift and this is a blessing.

And so many women would do anything to be pregnant who aren't pregnant right now.

And I need to appreciate what the Lord has given me regardless of how it makes me feel physically, not to downplay how sick I've gotten, because that in and of itself is extremely difficult too.

But it's encouraging for me to hear somebody else say that they didn't get sick and that they did feel good, because that shows me it's possible, and that it's possible for other women too.

So I'm glad, I'm really glad that you had like a good feeling, healthy pregnancy, so that other women know that that is also a possibility.

It is possible, yes.

And I remember my husband and I, somebody telling us at an event, she said, I just hate being pregnant.

It is miserable.

I'm just ready for this baby to come out.

And she was like laughing, you know, like, I get it, you know, I get it.

And it, I know that she was saying, you know, I'm just in pain and I've had all this morning sickness.

Like, I just, I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore.

I'm ready to have this baby.

Like that's what she was meaning.

But I just made every effort to like not say those things.

And there would be times where my mom, you know, would ask me how I'm feeling.

And I would say, mom, like, I am so tired.

Or like today has just not been a good day.

I have zero energy, and I feel like I like have been so lazy.

That was a big thing for me.

Like, I love being really active, and I was doing a lot of weightlifting before I became pregnant.

And I just couldn't do it during pregnancy.

Like, I thought I would still work out a lot.

No, I worked out for maybe the first month or two of pregnancy.

And then I did not work out the whole rest of my pregnancy.

I only walked around my neighborhood.

Like, I just listened to my body, which was telling me, I don't want to lift weights, I don't want to do this.

So I would just walk, and that felt good to me, you know?

But I remember having some of those moments where I was like, today has been so hard.

I'm so tired.

I have no energy to cook.

Or like, I would have days where I would eat like trash, which is not typically how I eat.

And I would feel bad about that.

But it's like, you just have to survive.

When you're pregnant, it's survival, you know?

Like, you're just, if you're having a craving, you just go for it.

And if you don't want to work out that day, like, it's OK.

And I learned that in my pregnancy.

Like, just listen to my body.

And I made it a big thing to not speak negatively about being pregnant or anything like that, because I was so thankful I was.

And like you said, there are so many people who are begging God for a baby or, you know, going through IVF or whatever.

And it's like, I always tried to remember that on those, like, really hard days.

Yeah.

OK.

I heard you mention that you had a midwife.

So tell us about how you went about choosing your care and who was going to be your care provider and stuff.

So everyone in my family had hospital births with doctors.

And like I shared earlier, I started kind of getting into the natural, like, holistic lifestyle in 2021.

And so I started learning about, like, doulas and midwives probably, like, just a few months before I got pregnant.

Like, I just I feel like that's really taken off, like, right now is just more of the natural stuff and midwives and doulas.

And so I would just see that content a lot on Instagram.

And so we were seeing an OB, and I really loved him.

He's awesome.

He's delivered, like, thousands of babies.

But once I did get pregnant, we went and had, like, the lab test done to confirm.

And then I had to, like, call to make my first appointment, and they said, do you want to see an OB or a midwife?

And I remember being like, I need to, like, pray about this because I don't know.

And I shared with my husband.

I was like, I think I want to go the midwife doula water birth route.

Is that OK with you?

And he was like, yes, it's whatever, like, you're comfortable with.

His only thing was that he did not want me to have a home birth for our first baby because his sister passed away right before her second birthday.

And he just wanted to be in a hospital setting, like in case something happened or, you know, whatever.

So I totally respected that.

So that's how we chose, like, let's go the midwife route.

We knew we wanted to do a doula.

I knew I needed to have, like, an emotional support person that was a believer that could help me stay grounded and offer, like, help with positions and, you know, stuff like that.

So we kind of just knew pretty early on.

And so I said, yeah, I want to do the midwife route.

And that's how it started.

And we had a wonderful midwife.

I mean, couldn't say anything negative at all about her.

She is phenomenal.

And our doula was incredible.

So I'm so pleased we went that route.

And for us, that was what was right.

And that was what I needed.

That's great.

How did you go about finding your doula?

So there is a coffee shop in Burlington that my husband and I go to a lot.

And it was November 1st.

So it was the day after we found out we were pregnant.

He went to go get his morning coffee, and he saw this card on the bar at the coffee shop that said Holistic Heritage.

And it said doula services or something.

And he didn't know much about doulas at this point, but he was like, I know my wife wants a doula.

So he picked up the card and he brought it back home, and I looked them up and was just like, oh my gosh, they seem awesome.

And then I had a friend use them who said amazing things about them.

So then we just did like a consultation call, and I was like, yep, this is the perfect fit.

And so that's like how we chose that.

But I mean, I didn't have to do a lot of research.

I didn't have to do a lot of thinking.

Like it literally just fell into his hands, and I looked them up and we had the consultation call, and we both were like, yes, they're perfect.

Like we need to work with them.

That's great.

That's like the Lord just set that all up for y'all.

I know.

I know.

So that was amazing, and I could not recommend them more.

And so I was really happy that we had a doula, and I had that support during my birth.

So let's talk about your birth then.

So how far along were you when you went into labor?

What was that like?

How did it all start?

This is my favorite topic, so I'm excited.

So I was 39 weeks and five days.

My due date was July 6th.

But my dad literally, since the second or third month of my pregnancy, was like, she's going to be born on July 4th.

She's going to be a firecracker baby.

She's going to be July 4th.

And we would just kind of laugh and be like, whatever, dad, you know.

And so we had gone to the pool.

It was July 3rd.

We went to the pool.

And that whole week, I had been swimming laps in the pool, trying to get labor going.

And also it was so dang hot that it just felt good to be in the pool.

And I would like swim laps and float around, you know, whatever.

And so we came back from the pool.

It was a very casual night.

My husband's like, what do you want to do tomorrow on July 4th?

Like, do you want to go back to the pool?

Like, do you want to hang out with our friends?

Like, what do you want to do?

And I was like, I don't know.

And he goes, well, it all depends if we're still home.

Like, you may have this baby.

And I was like, no, I think I'm going to go to 40 weeks, maybe 41, you know?

And so I just was kind of like whatever.

And I had been messaging with a friend, and she told me that she did the mile circuit and that she went into labor like that night, or maybe it was like the next morning.

I don't really remember, but I knew a lot about the mile circuit.

Something during my pregnancy that I did was watch a YouTuber named Bridget Tyler, and she has something called Built to Birth, and she is phenomenal.

I feel like she's one of the reasons I was so prepared and knew things.

And so she talked about the mile circuit some, and I watched some other YouTuber.

And so I was like, I'm going to give it a go.

I'm going to do it.

And at this point, I felt very ready to have her.

I was so excited.

So I was like, let me just do the mile circuit and see if that does anything.

So let's take a second, I was going to say, and explain what the mile circuit is for somebody who may not know what the mile circuit is.

Okay.

So the mile circuit was like developed by a midwife, you know, whatever year it was, and a long time ago, and it's really supposed to encourage like optimal positioning for the baby, which is, you know, head down engaged in the pelvis.

But like some people say it induces labor.

So it's three 30 minute positions.

So it takes 90 minutes total.

And it's not just like this thing where you're relaxing.

Like it is very difficult when you're that pregnant.

The first position is for me, that was the most uncomfortable.

It's like basically.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

What is that yoga position called?

Child's pose.

It's basically that.

But like your butt is up in the air and your chest is down on the ground.

Right.

And you're just sitting in this inclined position with your chest down and your butt like super high up for 30 minutes.

It is not comfortable at all.

And my knees hurt really bad.

I did it on my bed.

I was going to say, I always recommend doing it on your bed.

Yes.

And still for me, like it's just hard to hold that for 30 minutes.

Yeah.

So you do that position.

The second position is like a side laying position where you lay on your left side and you bring your right knee kind of as high up as you can get it, and you drape it over some pillows, and you hold that for 30 minutes.

That was the most comfortable one for me.

I listened to my Christian Hypno-Birthing app and just like relaxed during that one.

The third one is lunges.

That one was super hard as well.

And for me, I just stood on a step, and then like put my right leg up on a higher step and did, you know, the lunges.

That's supposed to help as well.

So, yeah, the third step, you can just, as long as your hips are like alternating up and down.

So some people will go like up and down the stairs sideways, or they'll like walk a curb outside with one foot on the curb and one foot off.

But regardless, in the third one, you are active and moving.

Absolutely.

And I did some curb walking on and off for like a week or two, and I did not like that.

I hated that.

But so it's those three positions for 90 minutes, and some people repeat it, do it multiple times, whatever.

I just did it one time, 90 minutes, those three positions, and we ate dinner.

We went to bed, and I was not thinking anything.

I was just like, okay, cool.

Like, I don't really feel anything.

I had had some Braxton Hicks throughout my pregnancy, but nothing like I never had Padrema Labor or anything like that.

I wasn't experiencing contractions yet or anything.

And so we go to bed at 2:08 a.m.

Just several hours later, my water breaks.

I wake up to go pee like I normally would, and I hear, like, and I was so still, like, asleep.

And one of my tactics for labor, I learned from Lisa, a blogger.

Her name is Farmhouse on Boone, and she talks about, like, being in denial.

She has, like, eight kids or nine kids.

She talks about how her labor tactic is to just stay in denial for as long as possible.

And I remember the first time I heard that, I was like, that's laughable.

Like, how can you do that?

But that is what I did.

Like, I didn't even tell Brock that my water broke.

I was just like, I'm just going to go back to sleep.

That was just an air bubble.

Like, I'm going back to sleep.

So I go back in the bed.

And again, this is my first pregnancy.

So part of me really was like, was that my water?

because I was on the toilet, like I was peeing.

So it was hard to know.

And I just convinced myself, like, it wasn't.

So I go back to sleep for an hour, and I wake up in a puddle.

So it had, like, broken and was trickling some, but then, like, a lot came out.

And I woke up, you know, in a puddle, and I went to the bathroom, and I could feel myself starting to get a little bit nervous.

And I was just like, it's time.

Like, I'm going to be okay.

And I just repeated, like, scripture in my head, like, do not fear, the Lord is with me.

Like, I just kept myself, like, centered, and I called our doula.

And she said, yes, it sounds like your water has broken.

And I had seen some bloody show, which is another indicator, you know, that you're going into labor.

Like, it's starting.

So I call her, I tell her everything.

And she's like, yes, I do believe your water is broken.

I do believe that is bloody show, because I sent her a picture.

And she said, remember, stay calm and do not go to the hospital.

For us, the tactic was be in denial for as long as possible and wait to go to the hospital for as long as possible.

Some women are not comfortable with this, and everybody to each their own, like you need to do what you're comfortable with.

But I did not want to be in the hospital for long.

I didn't want people all up in my face.

I just did not want that.

And so I woke Brock up.

I told him that my water had broken.

This was now 3:30 a.m.

My doula said, let me know when you start having contractions.

So Brock and I stayed up in the bed, like so excited and just kind of like, oh my gosh, till 5:30 a.m.

He went and got us to Biscuitville because I was like starving.

We were watching a movie, just trying to keep my mind off of things.

He went and got us to Biscuitville.

He got back.

At this point, it's like 6.15, I start having contractions.

And I remember telling my sister and friends, I was like, how am I going to know when I'm having contractions?

Like, I don't know what that feels like.

This is my first pregnancy.

And that's like a typical first time pregnancy question.

Like, what do contractions feel like?

How am I going to know it's a contraction?

And you know, like you will know.

For me, I was feeling back pain.

So that's how I knew this is a contraction.

It was like just this feeling all over my belly, but also back pain.

And so I was like, okay, yep, yep, I'm having contractions.

So I called the doula and she's like, all right, time them out, keep me updated.

So it progressed so quickly for me.

My contractions were like 10 minutes apart, eight minutes apart, seven minutes apart, six minutes apart.

Then all of a sudden, like an hour later, we were at four minutes apart, three minutes apart, and then boom, it was two minutes consistently.

And I was like, oh shoot, I should not have waited this long because my midwife did say, like, let's try to follow the 4-1-1 rule or maybe the 3-1-1, which is basically just like the timing of the contractions, four minutes apart, lasting for a minute consistently for an hour.

And so I was at 2-1-1 basically.

And so I was like, I remember I was on my knees with my arms, like, draped over the bed and my head resting on the bed, kind of swaying my hips back and forth to kind of get through the surges.

And I looked at Brock and said, we need to go right now.

And what time was that?

This was, okay, so he got back with Biscuitville like 6-15.

This was like an hour later, so probably 7-15.

Okay, so it just like in that hour, it just progressed very quickly.

Very quickly.

And so we already had the hospital bags packed.

There were just a few things we needed to get together.

So Brock was doing that, just kind of like running around the house, getting those last few things together.

So we get in the car.

We delivered at Women's in Greensboro, which is 20 minutes from our house.

So for me, honestly, the worst part was having contractions in the car.

Oh, yeah.

It was not fun hitting bumps in the road and not really having any...

You're just sitting up in the seat.

You can't be on a workout ball.

You can't be draped over.

It was so uncomfortable.

We get to the hospital.

At this point, it's close to eight.

And I remember in the waiting room, my contractions were intense.

And there was two other couples in there that were very calm.

And I was standing up and swaying.

And swaying.

And they were looking at me.

It was funny.

They were probably there for an induction.

Yes.

They were so calm.

I was like, what's wrong?

And they get me a wheelchair.

And I'm like, when are they going to call me back?

because I think we only waited for like five minutes, but it felt like an eternity.

They called me back.

And a little God wink was during my pregnancy, I watched Reba on Netflix because I just wanted to watch a feel good, positive show.

And in the waiting room, Reba was on.

And my husband was like, look, Reba is on.

And so that was just like a fun, like, oh my gosh, little moment.

So we go back and my midwife was there, which immediately was like super comforting for me.

And she was like, all right, let's check you.

And I was 100% effaced and four centimeters dilated.

So my cervix was completely thinned out.

That's for some people who may not know, like what effacement is.

My cervix was completely thinned out and I was four centimeters dilated.

I could not believe it.

I was like, man, that's why these contractions are so intense.

So she said to me, I think this is going to be pretty quick.

And so I think they had to like draw some blood.

I don't really remember.

I was literally like, my eyes were closed 90% of my labor.

I was not thinking about anyone else and I hardly opened my eyes.

I was in the zone, just remembering like my breathing and like reciting Bible verses in my head.

So she, I think they had to draw some blood, whatever.

And then they got me into the labor and delivery room at 830.

It was 830.

That's quick.

And I threw up two or three times in the wheelchair on the way to the labor and delivery room, which I did not expect that.

Like I didn't think I was going to throw up, but I guess I just was dealing with some nausea.

Just perfectly normal in labor.

Right.

So they got me back there and they started to fill up the birth tub.

So while they were filling up the tub, they did a port.

I had a birth plan that they all had.

In my birth plan was to have an unmedicated birth, vaginally, you know, no limited interventions.

I had, you know, certain things outlined, lights dimmed, music on, calm tones, not people speaking loudly.

I had all these things outlined.

And I did say I would be okay with having an IV port just in case I needed, you know, something.

So they were getting me getting that hooked up while the tub was filling up.

And my contractions, you know, it's so uncomfortable when you're getting poked with needles while you're having contractions.

Like, so I was just breathing, focusing through that.

The tub gets filled up and I get in the tub.

Was your doula there yet?

She got there when I got in the tub.

Okay.

And I was like, oh, thank God, because I was needing her.

My husband got the worship playlist started.

I was, you know, starting to be calm.

I got in the tub and the contractions got more intense in the tub.

For some people, the tub is so relaxing that it can like actually kind of like halt their progress.

But it was the opposite for me.

I was so comfortable to the point where my body was like, okay, we're ready because I was able to, you know, be in a good head space and my body was able to do what it needed to do.

So I labored in the tub for an hour and I just was kind of on my knees, like knees inverted, legs out, kind of draped over the edge of the tub.

My doula had, you know, cold cloth on my neck and she was doing hip squeezes, which really helped me.

And I started to throw up again.

So they offered me nausea medicine.

I didn't want that.

So my doula just did some peppermint essential oil and quickly I was much better.

I didn't throw up again, the rest of the labor.

So I'm in the tub for an hour.

Then they put me on some like seat in the tub, which that is what really got things moving.

That's, I don't know what that seat was, but it was the real intense contractions, if not the most intense of my labor.

And then my midwife was like, let's get you out.

I want you to go pee, and I want to check and see where you're at.

So I put my gown on and I went to go pee.

And when she checked me, I was eight centimeters dilated.

So in an hour, I went from four to eight.

Ooh, now you're in transition.

You're getting there.

Exactly.

So I didn't even think twice about this.

I was planning a water birth, but I labored for an hour in the water, which I'm so thankful I got to do that.

But I wasn't even thinking about anything.

She just said, let's get you in this sideline position with the peanut ball, so we can like encourage her positioning and like get this really moving.

And I wasn't thinking about anything.

My eyes were closed.

They were moving me.

I mean, I was just trying to stay in my zone.

So they flipped me over on my right side, and my right leg is, you know, laid out straight, and my left leg was up in the air with the peanut ball in between my two legs.

And that was the most intense part of my whole birth.

Those contractions were so intense.

I mean, it literally felt like her head was like going like, I mean, it was so intense.

So I knew it was about to come.

About five minutes later, in my head, I was like, I don't think I can do this.

Like I need some type of medication, if not an epidural.

I'm thinking this in my head, but I did not say this out loud.

And immediately I remembered what my friend Carly told me.

And she was like, each contraction, each surge, think about climbing up a mountain and like, okay, I'm ascending.

I'm going up the mountain.

Okay, I'm here.

I can breathe for a second.

I can go back down.

And then the next contraction comes, okay, I just have to make it to the top of the mountain.

Okay, I can breathe and come back down.

That's what I kept reminding myself.

And then Amanda, the midwife, says, Kathryn, it's time to push.

And I could not believe it.

I was like, oh my gosh, there's no turning back now.

Now, how did she know it was time to push?

I think she checked me again after I was in that side-lying position for a while.

I think I was in that for maybe like 30 minutes.

I think she checked me again and said, okay, it's time to push.

And do you felt pushy at all yet?

The contractions were so intense, and I felt her head, like it literally felt like her head was going like this.

So I was starting to feel that, and that's when my head was going to, I don't think I can do this.

I need medicine, which was an indicator to me.

Like it's probably about time to push.

Yeah.

So yeah, I do think I like rolled back over, and she checked me, and that's when she said, it's time to push.

I couldn't believe it.

I was like, oh my gosh, I was expecting to have a longer labor since this was my first baby.

Yeah.

And so I just couldn't believe it.

And I remember I said, already?

Like, I'm not ready.

And she was like, you can do this.

And honestly, for me, I just kicked it into gear.

I was like, if I start freaking out right now, and if I start crying and saying I need medicine, this is going to be miserable.

Like, something just, it was so the Lord.

Like, I just was overtaken with, like, this urge to just fight and, like, push through and have her naturally like I wanted to.

And so I was just super determined.

And so she did such a great job, my midwife, just coaching me through the pushing.

A big thing for her was, like, try not to be super loud.

Use your energy to push downward instead of using your energy to, like, screen.

Exactly.

Which some women are like, what do you mean?

Like, how do you do that?

I don't know.

Like, it just, when you're in that moment, like, your body just takes over.

And so I was, like, pulling up on these two little, like, rings each time a contractured would come to push.

And I was just focusing on what I had learned in pelvic floor therapy and just, like, putting that energy downward and trying not to scream.

Well, I think it was, like, on my fourth push, I was screaming.

I mean, it was not this, like, ugh, it was screaming.

And she was like, okay, we're so close.

We're so close.

Like, on this next push, I really want you to try not to make noise.

Like, just grunt and just bear down.

And I was in my head, I'm like, how am I supposed to do that?

But I did, and that was when I experienced the ring of fire.

No one can prepare you for that.

I mean, that is, like, unlike anything I've ever felt.

And when I've shared my story with people who have asked, I truly can say that my experience was not painful.

It was, I was experiencing so much intense pressure.

Like, for me, I was not in this excruciating pain.

Oh, I'm gonna die.

Oh, this is the worst thing ever.

I was experiencing tremendous pressure.

And just this urge to, like, get it out.

And it kind of, for me, was feeling like I needed to poop.

Like, even, I was like, oh my God, is this baby gonna come out of my butt?

Like, the feeling that I was having.

So, that ring of fire was unlike anything I've ever felt.

But it's so brief, and it's just that burning, like, feeling.

And then, just a few seconds later, her head was born.

And then, I just had to push one more time, and Amanda, you know, got her out.

And it was just the best feeling ever.

It was like, immediately, when she came out, you just have this, like...

Sigh of relief.

Yeah.

Sigh of relief, and you're not feeling the contractions anymore.

I felt that.

I felt such a deep, like, sigh of relief.

And one thing I wanted to share that I'm remembering now is when I had that moment of, like, I don't know if I can do this.

I need, like, pain medicine.

I had my eyes closed, like I've said, 90% of my labor.

And I felt the Lord's presence so strongly.

I told my husband this.

My husband was to the right of me, holding my hand and just kind of speaking scripture and being encouraging, and not talking a ton, because once, for me, once I was that close, I was like, shush, like, don't talk.

But I had my eyes closed and I was starting to struggle a little bit, and I experienced the Lord's presence so strongly.

I literally had this vision.

So my eyes were closed, and I was seeing the Lord, like Jesus, beside my husband, holding my hand, saying, you can do this, keep going.

And that was like the picture I had in my head in that really hard moment, and it was the most beautiful thing ever.

Like, I never want to forget that.

And when I close my eyes, even now, I can see it.

Like, it was just beautiful, and it truly felt like he was right there beside Brock holding my hand, like giving me the strength to get Ella out.

Like, it was the most miraculous thing I have ever experienced.

And that was part of that prayer of like, Lord, I want to have a supernatural childbirth.

Like, that was that experience.

And I mean, the moment we got in the hospital room, I was like, Lord, you are welcome here.

Like, I need your presence.

Like, I need to fill you here so I can have your strength and not be relying on my strength.

So that was just the most beautiful moment of my whole birthing experience.

And then she was born, and I immediately did an hour of skin-to-skin.

The Venex, is that the word?

Yeah, that was still on her for a majority of July 4th when she was born.

She didn't get a bath until early July 5th.

So we kept the Venex on her because we had heard so much about it being such a good conditioner for their skin and like all that.

So she was on my chest, and we did like delayed cord clamping.

So that moment when they brought her and put her on my chest was just like the most rewarding and beautiful moment of my entire life.

Like my husband was crying.

We were looking at each other like, oh my gosh, she just came out of me.

Like this is amazing.

And so I just enjoyed that hour with her.

And I was so thankful that she was crying and she was healthy.

And then I delivered the placenta.

And that's when I lost a ton of blood, a lot of blood.

And my midwife had to leave because the woman beside me was pushing.

So she was like, I got to go deliver this other baby.

So a doctor came in and helped with the placenta delivery and she looked at me and she said, Kathryn, you're losing a lot of blood.

And so of course, I started to panic a little bit and she said-

Was the bleeding happening before or after the placenta came out?

After the placenta came out.

Okay.

And she said, it's borderline a hemorrhage.

Like I need to give you a shot of pitocin and we need to hook up something to the IV port.

It was some other medication.

I can't remember what the name of it was.

And I remember for two seconds, I was like, I don't want any medicine.

I don't want the pitocin.

And she looked at me and she was like, you're losing a lot of blood.

You need this.

And I was like, okay.

So they gave me the pitocin.

They gave me the medicine through the IV.

I can't remember the name of it.

And everything was fine.

Praise the Lord.

I didn't have any hemorrhaging or anything like that, but it was getting there because I was losing so much.

So I did have to have the pitocin after I delivered Ella and that other medicine.

I can't remember what it was.

And then I had to take like an iron pill for a little bit to just make sure everything was good with the blood and stuff.

So that was one like complication after I had Ella.

And then everything was fine.

I had two mild like second degree tears.

I'm so grateful.

I mean, I did not.

I recovered very quickly.

I was walking around our neighborhood like five days after I had Ella.

So, I mean, I'm super grateful that I didn't have a ton of pain.

And I just took it really slow.

Like I would just walk to the mailbox and back.

And then maybe like a couple of days later, I would walk half a loop and back.

I just took it very slow and listened to my body.

And so now I'm a month and a few days out from having Ella, and my bleeding has stopped.

So I am thankful for that.

But yeah, and so then we went back to our room, and the first night was very, very hard.

I am not afraid to be honest about that.

That was the hardest part so far of my entire, you know, pregnancy, birth, postpartum.

I was so exhausted, and I was very lightheaded because I lost so much blood.

And I just didn't have a lot of like energy or strength, and I was just very emotional.

I was so tired.

My butt bone was in excruciating pain.

And I dropped that for that night, and then for two more weeks.

It hurt so bad.

And I don't know why.

I mean, thank God it's gone away, but it just hurt.

Like it felt like I broke my tailbone, which, I mean, who knows?

I may have, but it just hurt terribly.

And so I'm in this hospital bed, trying to care for this baby that I just had.

I'm a first-time mom.

I have no clue what I'm doing.

And my butt hurts so bad.

And I just got stitches, you know, getting in and out of the bed is super hard.

And for me, I just was like, ugh, I just need to go home.

Like, I just hate being here.

This is awful.

We had a really bad night nurse that was just super rude, and it was not good.

So we got an early discharge, and we left that next, we left on July 5th, like that afternoon.

And they had to press on my belly a lot since I had so much bleeding, and that was also super uncomfortable for me.

And I was not able to get any rest because they would come in every, you know, two hours to press my belly.

And then every hour or they started every, you know, like 15 minutes, every 30 minutes, every hour, every two hours, every four hours.

And there was no sleep.

I'm learning how to breastfeed.

That was hard.

Ella is getting checked on, you know, every so often.

So there was no sleep.

And then the next day on July 5th, you know, I'm just exhausted and ready to go home and everything.

So, I mean, for me, that hospital, the first night with her was so hard.

I remember sobbing and looking at my mom and saying, I can't do this.

I'm so tired.

I was sobbing.

And she was in the hospital bathroom with me.

And I was like, Mom, I'm so tired.

I cannot do this.

Like, I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm so exhausted.

I just, I can't do this.

And I'm just so thankful for her because she helped me so much.

Well, a lot of times some people will say like, they have less of a problem with the hospital labor and more of a problem with the hospital stay afterwards.

100%.

It's like, well, you know, I can still, I think I can pull off like doing a natural labor at the hospital, sure.

But it's that stay because you cannot rest.

You can't rest because everybody is in your room all the time, messing with you and your baby through all hours of the night when like biologically speaking, you should be sleeping in your bed with your baby.

Like you should, you should be sleeping, like nursing and sleeping.

So yeah, 100%.

And so I couldn't agree more that that was my experience, that the stay was harder than the birth.

And the breastfeeding was so hard at first for me.

And that was another big prayer of mine and a huge desire.

Nobody in my family breastfed their babies.

My mom didn't breastfeed me or my sister.

Like it just wasn't anything really in my family.

And I just knew I had that desire.

Like I really wanted to do that.

And it was so hard.

Like Ella just, she was basically just sucking my nipple and like chomping it and sucking my nipple.

And so I didn't know.

I mean, we had taken a breastfeeding class, but I didn't know that her latch was so shallow.

And like, I just didn't know.

And so that next day, July 5th, we came home and my mom stayed with us that night.

Praise the Lord, because we were able to get some sleep.

And she helped us tremendously.

But I remember I could not even take a shower.

My milk was starting to come in, and my boobs were so hard and just massive.

And the water from the shower hitting my boobs was so painful that I was having a hard time with that.

I was in a lot of pain with that.

And so for me, we had arranged a lactation specialist.

She is phenomenal.

And she was scheduled to come to our house on the 6th.

This was the 5th.

And so we went to sleep that night, and I woke up that morning, and my friend Kendall came over.

She is a wonderful friend.

She is the best.

I don't know what I would do without her.

She brought me groceries and breakfast that morning and stocked our fridge and brought me electrolytes.

She's just such a good friend.

And I just had a breakdown with her, and I said, I can't breastfeed.

And I was like, I'm going to have to do formula.

And I was crying to her.

I was like, my boobs hurt so bad.

My nipples were literally bruised and bleeding and just in terrible shape.

And I told her, I was like, I just can't do it.

And she was like tearing up too.

But she was like, you can do it.

You want this so badly.

I'm telling you, make it until the lactation specialist comes, which was like four hours from that point.

And so she comes and I was not in a good state.

And I'm just so grateful that she came.

Basically, she just looked at my boobs and my nipples, and she was so encouraging.

And she was like, do you want this?

And I was like, more than anything, I want to be able to breastfeed, but I am in excruciating pain.

And so she was like, here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna call in a medicated nipple cream.

It's gonna, literally by tomorrow, your nipples are gonna feel so much better, and you're gonna use a shield.

And that's gonna help as well.

And so she gets this whole plan outlined, and it started to make me feel a lot better.

And she was like, you're gonna pump.

And so she gets this whole plan.

So I was using the shield.

I was using the nipple cream, and it started to get better.

Of course, Ella lost a good amount of weight because that's usually what happens with newborns and breastfed babies.

And so I dealt with some anxiety with that.

But a couple weeks later, my lactation specialist was coming up with a new plan.

She was like, we need to increase your supply to meet Ella's needs now because she still wasn't gaining what we wanted.

And so that's when we really saw a breakthrough.

I had to do triple feeding, which if anybody has done that, knows it is very hard mentally, physically, emotionally.

It is very hard.

So I did triple feeding for almost two weeks.

And that worked well for us.

We did have to use donor milk like twice from my friend.

And I was so grateful that she gave us her milk.

Triple feeding, just for people who don't know, because they might be like, what's a triple feed?

Where you're going to nurse the baby.

And then after you nurse the baby, you're going to pump, and you're going to then feed the baby, usually while you're pumping.

And it's sort of like you're doing both.

It's like you're not just nursing, you're also bottle feeding.

You're also pumping.

Like you're doing it all in order to increase your supply.

So you're telling your body that your baby needs more milk than it's currently getting.

And it is not for the faint of heart.

I've had to do it one time out of our five that we have.

And it was actually when he was a couple of months old, not right when he was born, but a couple of months old.

And it was more exhausting than when he was first born, for sure.

Yeah, it's very hard.

But I was grateful that it increased my supply and Ella gained weight.

So basically she just had a shallow latch, and then my supply just needed to increase.

So we got those issues worked out.

And now it's so funny, like she literally will go like this with her eyes, like when she's trying to latch, and she opens so wide and just like chomps down, you know.

So I'm so grateful that her latch has matured, which that usually is what happens.

Like usually breastfeeding is difficult at first, and the baby's latch has to mature.

And so I'm so grateful that it worked out for us.

And now I'm exclusively breastfeeding.

So I mean, the Lord has been like all in that as well.

And such an answered prayer for us, because there were many nights I cried.

And I was like, Lord, please, because I'm tired.

I'm triple feeding.

You know, I'm up during the night.

And I was like, Lord, you know, this is like such a desire of mine.

And so now here we are.

And I exclusively breastfeed her, which I'm sure you know, it sounds like you're breastfeeding, you've breastfed your babies.

Like, that also can come with its own challenges because you can't really like go a lot of places.

Like you can once you start getting comfortable nursing in public, but your baby needs you and they may be, you know, cluster feeding.

And so it's hard sometimes to like get away for more than like two hours or whatever, but it's worth it.

And I'm glad that I'm able to nurse her.

So yeah, that's a little bit of the birth story and, you know, the struggle I had the night in the hospital, the struggle I had at first with breastfeeding.

And now we're here a month and some change postpartum.

I was going to say, see, you're only a month in some change, right?

Just like a month and 10 days or something.

That is such, I know obviously it's felt, it has been, it has been a lot in the last, you know, five weeks.

But in the span of a breastfeeding journey, a month is actually a very small amount of time.

And so, so many women, yourself included, you know, in the beginning when you're hormonal and you're exhausted and it's painful, will give up because it is so painful and you're so tired.

And it feels like if this is how it's gonna be forever, then I can't do it.

But what so many people don't realize is, is it's not gonna be like that forever.

It is gonna get easier.

Their latch is gonna get better.

Like you are going to be less tired.

You are going to be in less pain.

And so like you've worked through it and you're, you know, five, six weeks down the road from her birth.

And here you are.

You're saying like, yep, it's no big deal.

She latches on.

It's easy.

Yeah, you do have to do it often, but it is so much easier.

And so I just want to encourage women out there who are, you know, struggling early postpartum with breastfeeding or maybe getting ready to breastfeed for the first time, that when you hit those bumps in the road and when you hit those challenges to have, you know, the determination to persevere and to push through and to get through it, because it really is so worth it on the other side.

So, so, so, so, so worth it.

Yeah.

And like, no shame to women who, you know, it was too much for them and they bottle feed or what?

Like, everybody's journey is different, but that was a huge desire of mine and I was not going to give up.

Like, I was going to try everything until somebody told me, it's just not happening.

And that was never said to me.

And like you said, I just in those hard moments and those hard nights, I would remember what like Kendall told me and then my friend Savannah, like, it's not going to be like this forever.

Like, in a week, it's going to be better.

And then the next week, it'll be better.

Like each week, something got better.

Yeah, my pupils weren't as sore.

My boobs, once my milk came in and I was pumping, like they started to soften and I wasn't in so much pain with that.

The silvarets, you can get those on Amazon.

100% invest in those because those have like natural healing properties in them.

And that helped my nipples so much.

And so, yeah, I think having the right support people, they knew going into my birth that breastfeeding was a huge priority for me.

So when I was down and wanting to give up, they were able to chime in and say, you can do this.

You want this.

Don't give up.

And I needed that.

And my mom did the same thing.

Like, I remember saying to her, I just don't think I can do it, mom.

And she said, but, you know, you can.

You've told me how much you want this.

Like, you can do this.

And having my husband's encouragement, like, it just, it helps who you have around you.

It's so true.

And both of those girlfriends of mine, one still currently breastfeeds, and the other one breastfed both of her boys.

So it helps that they have been there too.

Yeah.

So yeah, I mean, it's possible if you stick with it.

And of course, the lactation specialist was, I can't thank her enough, and I can't, you know, recommend her enough, because she helped us so much.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is, especially if you're a first time mom.

And sometimes even if you're having a second or third or fourth or sixth or seventh baby, whatever, however many babies you've had, every baby is different.

So sometimes if you had an easier time the first time around, and then the second time around, it was harder.

Don't be afraid just to reach out and get help, because, you know, you think you should be able to do it because you've done it before.

It can be different.

Different babies come with different challenges.

So I always recommend first time moms, though, especially just because it's the first time you're doing it, to have, like, a lactation consultant come to your house.

It's so helpful.

100%.

I would say the same thing.

I would recommend that as well.

And there's so many benefits to breastfeeding.

It's worth it to try to stick it out and fight through, like, that initial hardship and pain.

I know it's going to be, I'm going to look back, you know, in two years or however long she's able to nurse for.

And I'm going to be so grateful I stuck it out.

Yeah.

Well, as we wrap up, is there anything else you would like to share?

Any, I mean, you shared throughout, you know, your whole story about what the Lord was teaching you and how he was guiding you through things and some things that you learned along the way.

But if there was anything else you wanted to say, any advice you might have or any wisdom the Lord gave you, what would you say?

I would say the biggest thing for me was the revelation that childbirth doesn't have to be awful and excruciatingly painful.

That was not heard of for me.

So surrounding myself with positive birth stories, that is the biggest advice I give people who are currently pregnant and that I will give those watching this is, do not watch the negative birth YouTube videos.

Do not listen to people out in public who mean well, but say, oh, I had this happened to me, or, oh, I had the worst experience.

I watched beautiful positive home birth videos, beautiful positive hospital birth videos.

I never once watched something negative.

And I listened to the Christian hypnobirthing app, which I will admit, at first, I was like, hypnobirthing?

Like what?

I'm not trying to be hypnotized.

It is not that at all.

I just would listen to scriptures over and over again.

The lady's voice on there is like so calming.

So I would recommend that to just keep your mind in a positive place.

And then one other thing, there's a lady named Ellen Fisher on Instagram, and I took her course.

Minus the mind work section, I just don't align with that spiritually.

So I didn't do any of the mind stuff, but she had so much positive.

Was it a Christian course?

No, I don't know too much about her, so I can't speak to her beliefs.

But part of the course was this mind work thing, where you train your mind, and you do this trauma work, and all this stuff.

And I just was like, I didn't sit right with the spirit.

Yeah, it wasn't aligning with me.

So I just did everything else.

And she talked about how to write your birth plan.

And she talked about breathing exercises.

So I loved her, and I loved her course, minus that one section.

So that really helped me as well.

And overall, just like I said, not speaking negativity, like I firmly believe the psalm that says, death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And so I just, even if I was feeling something, I would always remind myself, like how much of a gift it was to be pregnant.

Even now in my postpartum, there are hard days, and I just remind myself, there are so many women who would kill to have a baby right now.

And so I just will remind myself that and push through.

So yeah, just remaining positive and grateful and surrounding yourself with as much positive birth stories and positive postpartum stories is going to be the most helpful.

I agree.

All about that mentality.

Well, thank you.

This has been such a treasure, listening to you and getting to know you and your story and everything you've learned.

This has been wonderful.

Well, I'm so honored, and it was so nice to be able to share, and I love this topic.

So thank you so much.

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram, or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

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We hope you have a great week, and remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.

My favorite thing to talk about, I'm like sweating over here.

That's okay.

Sometimes I feel like when I talk about birth, I get very warm.

Is that weird?

Yes, that is how I'm experiencing that right now.

And I'm-

It's like passion.

Yes, it is.

It's passion.

Also, it's these postpartum hormones.

I'm just like hot.

Oh, those are real.

Those postpartum hormones are real, and I tell people, I'm like, get ready to sweat, get ready to stink.