053 - The Restorative Beauty in Seeking After God’s Will for You (with Emily Hadley )

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SHOW NOTES:

When you’re walking closely with the Lord and get pregnant outside of marriage, He can use that to bring you closer to Him. Every child is a blessing and comes at the will of the Lord, and every pregnancy, labor, delivery and postpartum can be used to teach us so many things from God. Hear how Emily’s story unfolds with both of her labors and how God was able to encourage her despite them not going according to her original vision, and what He taught her through them.

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Shoot us a DM at @surrenderedbirthservices on Instagram, and give us a follow while you're there!

TRANSCRIPT:

I mean, being a labor and delivery nurse and telling some people, like, oh, I'm gonna have a home birth, they're like, why would you do that?

You see all the bad, all the ugly.

And my response to that was, why serve a good God who's gonna get me through this?

And if he's laid this on my heart, there's a reason for it.

You know, you can't let fear take over.

That's not from the Lord.

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

Birth stories, birth education, and the pursuit of surrendering it all to God.

Let's get started.

Happy Monday, everybody.

Wow, and summer feels like it's back.

Last week, we got like a week of cool mid to upper 70s.

It was so nice and refreshing, but this week is, I'm pretty sure, all 90s again.

But that's all good.

That's all good.

It's still August.

Although some people are back in school.

Actually, a lot of people are back to school now.

So happy back to school.

Hope everyone's having a good first couple days or weeks in school.

We home school, so we never really stopped.

But we take a lot of little breaks and even some longer breaks throughout the year.

So it's always an ebb and a flow here.

I just got back from finishing up, wrapping up our filming of our online birth course, which is crazy that we're done filming it.

I mean, basically, I think I need to record like an intro and an outro.

And I guess we'll see once we edit it, if we need to re-record anything.

But we are done.

And I'm so grateful, so happy about all the couples that were able to come to that class in person.

That was so much fun.

And now for the editing, which is really going to be my husband.

So thank you, Chris, in advance, Mr.

Behind the Scenes.

I really, really, really appreciate it.

Big news.

So next week, guys, we are one week away from our one year anniversary of this podcast.

That is crazy.

I can hardly believe it.

We have been doing this for a year.

And sometimes it feels like we're just getting started because we're learning stuff all the time.

If you've been with our podcast from the beginning, like episode one, pilot episode all the way through now, hopefully you've noticed some improvements and changes along the way because we're constantly learning.

I mean, I think it's all been good.

I think it's all been great.

But we're always learning and trying to make everything better.

So thanks for being here with us.

And as a way to say thank you, we are actually doing a giveaway that is live now over on our Instagram page.

So I'll link it in the show notes.

But if you go over to the Surrendered Birth Services Instagram page, we have a giveaway that's live right now.

It's a bundle of five things that the lucky winner will win.

And if we ever do a giveaway in the future, which we probably will at some point, it'll probably be harder to win because hopefully we'll have more people joining us at that point.

But right now, I mean, this is it.

Getting in on the ground floor.

I hopefully will have the least amount of followers right now that I've ever had, and will only grow from here.

So your chances are high.

So I would enter.

If you go there to enter, we've got some great prizes.

We have a Dwell in Slumber dress.

If you don't know about Dwell in Slumber, it is an all-purpose dress.

It's super comfortable, and you can wear it when you're pregnant, maternity, and it'll fit you through all phases of your bump.

You can wear it for nursing.

It's got really easy nursing access.

You can dress it up and throw on some like heels and jewelry, and put your hair down and go out and have a great time, or you can dress it down, throw your hair back and put some sneakers on, or you can just lounge in it at home.

It can be your bedwear and you can sleep in it or whatever.

It's like just the super multipurpose, super comfortable dress and great for pregnant moms, postpartum moms, and any mom, really.

It's a great dress.

There's also something called Seven Weeks Coffee, which is pretty cool.

It's a pro-life coffee company.

They donate their proceeds to pregnancy care centers across the country who are trying to save more lives through just education and helping free ultrasounds and helping women to choose life when they're experiencing an unplanned pregnancy.

So I just thought that was really cool.

I actually just got little goose bumps thinking about it.

Because it's seven weeks, that's the name of the coffee company, is usually when you can see the heartbeat on the ultrasound.

So that's why it's seven weeks coffee.

So you will get a free, awesome bag of coffee that's also going to support just life and the blessings that God gives us here on this earth.

Then there's also this really cool candle actually.

So I know that sounds kind of lame.

Oh, it's a candle.

But it's actually a decoration.

So it's a fall-scented and fall-decorative candle.

It's in a dough bowl.

So it's wooden, in a wooden dough bowl.

And it's got fall decor in it.

So it's really a centerpiece for your table.

And as we're going in to the fall season, which I'm so excited about, it's just a really pretty piece that you can put on your table, or a shelf, or a console, or something like that.

Light it up, and it'll smell beautiful and look beautiful.

And it's handcrafted on Etsy.

So it is gorgeous.

Then there's also the Busy Moms Bible.

So this is a Bible.

It's all, you know, complete, full scripture.

But it also has devotional thoughts, like, written out through it specifically for Busy Moms.

It covers topics from your kids to your marriage, to your identity in Christ.

And it's a smaller size, so you can take it with you on the go.

So it's not like a giant, big and bulky thing.

And, you know, that way you can just pull it out at any time.

You can pull it out, read it, pray, read through scripture, and just be encouraged in the word.

And it's really cute, too.

It's like teal and, I don't know, teal is my favorite color.

So I think it's cute.

Also, who doesn't love an Amazon gift card?

If you're anything like me, I have several things that sit in my Amazon cart that just don't get purchased because I don't actually need them.

Or, you know, there are always other things that sort of take priority.

But this is an excuse to get some of those things.

So if you win this, you'll get $50 towards whatever it's in your cart that you just haven't been able to justify buying yet.

So all of those things in one big giveaway bundle to celebrate our one-year anniversary, and the winner could be you.

So all you have to do is go to our Instagram page to enter.

The directions are on the post there.

Basically, you're going to make sure you're following Surrendered Birth Services.

You're going to like the post.

You're going to comment a friend in the comment.

So tag a friend in the comments or as many friends as you want.

And then you're going to share that post on your Instagram story and tag us in the story so that I can see that you shared it.

Because it only tells me you shared it if you tag us in it.

Otherwise, it's really hard to notice.

So tag us in the story that you share.

And then if you want five bonus entries, so that's one entry, but if you want five bonus entries, then come to Apple Podcasts and write a review for this podcast.

I know I talk about reviews a lot or at least in the last several weeks I have, but if you just write a review, a written review on our Apple Podcast, take a screenshot of it and send it to our Instagram page, at Surrendered Birth Services, then that will get you five extra entries.

And speaking of that, I'm going to read one of the newer reviews right now.

This is from J.

Plem WS.

It says, A Necessary Resource.

Hearing authentic birth stories is an absolutely necessary resource for any expecting mama.

I am so grateful for all the hard work Kayla and her husband put into creating a platform to hear raw and real experiences that prepare you both mentally and spiritually.

Oh, thank you for that.

I mean, that's our heart.

We really want to share these stories with people to help educate them, yes, in the area of birth, but also lifting up their faith, also educating them spiritually.

So not just with birth and pregnancy and postpartum, although we do do a lot of that here, but also in their faith.

So I really appreciate that review.

I hope you guys will go enter our giveaway contest.

I hope that you will win the prize, and we will be announcing the winner right here on this podcast.

One week from today, we will announce the winner because the contest ends next Sunday night at 11:59 PM Eastern Standard Time.

So here in the States, Eastern Standard Time, it ends at 11:59 PM.

That is September 1st, Sunday.

So you have less than a week to enter.

If you haven't entered yet, please go do that.

And we can't wait to see who the winner is.

And just so you know a little of what to expect in that one year episode, we wanted to do something special.

And we did a little poll on Instagram and just asked our listeners, what did they want to listen to?

What story or what topic did they want to talk about for the one year?

And 100% of you in the poll that we sent out, 100% of you said you wanted to do the first year of parenthood.

So next week, my husband and I will be doing a one year episode on the first year of parenthood, which parallels quite nicely, one year with one year.

So get excited for that.

But now for this week's episode, which I'm also always excited about.

When you feel like you're walking closely with the Lord and get pregnant outside of marriage, he can use that to bring you even closer to him.

Every child is a blessing and comes at the will of the Lord, and every pregnancy, labor, delivery, and postpartum can be used to teach us so many things from God.

Hear how Emily's story unfolds with both of her labors and how God was able to encourage her, despite them not going according to her original vision and what he taught her through them.

welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and I have Miss Emily with me today.

So Emily, why don't you go ahead, introduce yourself, tell us about you, your life, your family, or just give us a little peek into the everyday life of Emily.

Absolutely.

So my name is Emily.

I'm a mom of two.

I have a six-year-old and a 15-month-old and a wonderful husband who does a whole lot to help with those kids.

I'm a labor and delivery nurse and hopefully applying to midwifery school here in the next year or so.

So be praying about that.

That's exciting.

I'm so excited.

I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited.

Oh, no, that's so fun.

I love that for you.

Thank you.

When I was 14 years old, the Lord told me that I was going to be a midwife at some point, and he's reminded me of that over and over and over, but specifically to go into home births.

Oh, wow.

I'm very excited, but it's a lot of like, okay, I'm going to commit to this, and I'm going to surrender everything to the Lord, and he'll work it all out.

Hey, well, we need more home birth midwives in this day.

That's right.

The demand is high.

Oh, no.

Well, that's wonderful.

I'm so excited for you.

I'm excited to follow you on your journey.

That's awesome.

Be praying that I get in exactly where I need to be.

That's my main thing.

I was like applying to different schools and just fully trusting that the Lord will make way because it's not an easy thing to get into.

He will.

He'll open the right door of where you need to go, and he'll work it all out.

That's so exciting.

Okay.

Well, let's get into your first pregnancy then.

So give us a picture into that.

What was that like?

My first pregnancy has a lot that goes into it, and I'll spare you all the details, but I was in a relationship that turned into an abusive relationship with a man who struggled with a drug addiction.

Drugs completely change who the person is.

Like I had known him for eight, nine years.

We were best friends.

It was great.

And that just completely changed who he was.

But I found out I was pregnant with my son, and at six months pregnant, I decided like, hey, you can either get help and be a part of our son's life, or you can decide to walk away.

And he decided to walk away.

And then finding out I had a boy.

Let me tell you about that.

I prayed so much.

And I mean, I wasn't really walking with the Lord at that time.

But then I found out I was pregnant.

And I was like, okay, well, now I have to bring a child into this world.

Like that is my responsibility.

I have to get back on my walk and walk with Jesus.

And in my anatomy scan, I prayed, I said, Lord, don't let it be a boy, because I know he's going to come out looking exactly like his dad.

And sure enough, it was a boy.

There's like no questions about it.

So that was very hard.

It was a very hard pregnancy.

Took a lot of that trauma with me.

I mean, healthy pregnancy, low risk young mom.

So it wasn't like I had a hard pregnancy.

It was just all the, you know, outside.

Yes, emotions and all the things.

Going into labor.

I mean, I had so much community and I felt loved.

It was just all the stuff that I was dealing with his dad that really took a toll on me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that was hard.

But I cannot imagine my life without him.

He taught me a whole lot about having faith in the Lord.

He's now here and telling his cousins and everybody that he knows about Jesus.

Oh.

Yeah, it was good.

But he put me into Prodromo labor for about a week.

And how many weeks for you when that was?

Oh, 40 weeks.

I had him at 40 and one.

Oh, nice.

So you started going to Prodromo like 39 weeks.

39.

I had a great provider.

She was fine.

I did end up switching at 33 weeks because I decided I wanted the option of a water birth.

Okay.

And when I mentioned that, they said, we don't do water birth.

And I was like, well, that's not going to work if I end up going that route.

So did you switch over from like an OB to a midwife?

I did.

I went to the midwives with Cone because I had him there.

So long labor as well.

I think I brought a lot of the trauma and like tense and feeling like I needed to get myself together kind of into my birth.

And I'm wondering if that made it longer because I wasn't really ready to have a child that young.

Like I just...

How old were you?

18.

Yeah, that's got to be hard.

So like I was in college about to go into nursing school.

And when I got my acceptance letter, it was like, oh, and you're also 20 weeks pregnant.

So I had to go to the dean and explain all that.

But they were wonderful about it.

But labor was very hard.

I did have a wonderful doula that helped me.

Did you have anyone else besides the doula with you?

It was the doula and my mom who came with me.

But I think when you're in that spot, sometimes you're like, I don't really want to hear from my mom because she knows exactly what I'm feeling.

Right.

But I just don't want to hear it.

But my plan was to go on medicated.

That did not happen.

I stalled at like six centimeters and did not progress for six, eight hours.

I know.

So at that point, I caved, got an epidural, took a nap, woke up, had a baby 20 minutes later.

So I ended up being okay.

And he's been the biggest blessing.

Like he's such a good kid.

And I'm forever thankful that he is a boy.

Yeah.

And it's really fun seeing him grow up.

But that, you know, that was just my first experience having a baby.

And that's not the first experience you ever picture.

Right.

What can I ask what his name is?

Yeah.

Liam.

Liam.

Yes.

Liam.

Looking at names, like you have your little list of names that you alter since middle school.

But Liam means protector of the family.

And that's a big reason of why I picked that name, because I wanted him to put his family first, no matter what circumstances, and for him to be a leader in his family, you know, a Christlike leader, like him being the head of a household and leading his family closer to the Lord.

And he's living out that name.

That's so sweet.

Can I ask what that was like then postpartum since, you know, the birth was long and you said you feel like you brought those emotions and kind of that trauma into the labor room.

So what was that?

How did that play out postpartum?

Oh, gosh.

Honestly, it was a blur.

I just remember lots of crying because, I mean, my parents were absolutely amazing.

It helped so much.

We lived with them and, you know, they were like second parents to Liam and still are to this day.

But I remember lots of crying, lots of tears, lots of emotions, and just not really being able to do anything.

And but I wanted to put on like a smile because, hey, it's a new baby, like I want to be happy.

And all that, that's not how I was actually feeling.

So do you feel like you had postpartum depression, or do you feel like you were just?

I don't know.

I don't know if it was postpartum depression or postpartum blues.

Like I, it wasn't that bad that I didn't want to get up or like feed my baby.

I just wanted to lay in bed and have him there and that's it.

Yeah.

How long did that go on for?

Oh gosh, probably at least three weeks.

But then I started nursing school at week three.

So I was, my priority switched a little bit.

The nursing school let me bring him in a carrier to my first nursing school class.

Nice.

Well, maybe it sounds like it was some baby blues then.

Just like, you know, the normal, like getting the hormones out of your system.

Yeah, that's what I think.

And trying to figure out how to deal with sleep deprivation and all that.

Wow.

So what was that like then going to nursing school while you had a newborn baby, while you are a single mom at that point without the dad?

Like how?

Well, I had my village, my parents and my brothers, and even like the nursing school school or nursing school staff would take turns walking him around if he was fussy.

So I feel like in that part, I was very blessed because I don't, you know, not everybody gets that experience.

But having a village that made a big difference, I would not have been able to do it without them.

Wow.

So then let's fast forward about a bit.

You obviously graduated from nursing school.

I did.

So and then did you immediately start working in labor and delivery or?

Yes.

So in nursing school, they're like, oh, you need to like try out MedSurg, and labor and delivery is really hard to get into.

But after Liam's birth, like I got closer to the Lord and forever thankful I did, because I wouldn't be in the place I am today without him.

And I just said, Lord, I'm going to give it to you.

You know, you called me to be a midwife, and I can't be a midwife or apply to be a CNM without labor and delivery experience.

And it was hard listening to all these instructors saying like, oh, you're probably not going to get it because it's very slim pickings and very competitive.

But I interviewed for like a postpartum job, because that's all I found.

And I was like, well, at least that's close to babies.

And I got that job in February of 21.

And then in May of 21, the labor and delivery manager emailed me and said, hey, can I talk to you?

And I got on a phone call with her.

She said, would you rather work in labor and delivery?

And I was like, hold on.

Absolutely, yes.

So that's just me thinking like, okay, well, I'm going to have to start somewhere else, but Lord, I'm still going to trust your plan.

Then him just completely turning around and making that option available.

Wow.

So what's it like working as a labor and delivery nurse in the hospital, knowing that you want to be a home birth midwife?

It's taught me a lot.

So we're a high risk birth center, and we do have some great providers.

And I absolutely love our midwives that we have there.

But it was hard.

Like, my mom had home births in the Netherlands.

That's where we're from.

And so seeing that, and then going into a hospital system where there's a bunch of high risk patients, but not only high risk, but also pay elective inductions.

Yeah.

You know, like things like that.

And I'm like, oh gosh, why would you even want to do that?

Yeah.

Like if there's a medical reason, absolutely.

But that's hard sometimes having to educate my patient on, you know, I mean, I'll educate them on their options or like next steps, but it's hard when you don't fully always agree with all the next steps.

Yeah, with their choices.

Oh, I'm sure that's really hard.

Yeah.

Have you gotten to see some like, some really cool, like beautiful natural births though?

Oh yes.

Yes.

My charge nurses learned very quickly that that is my cup of tea.

So a lot of the times when natural patients come in, or moms that want to go on medicated, or on birth transfers, or birth center transfers, they're like, oh, do you want them?

Like, and I'm like, absolutely.

And our midwives do a really great job at helping those patients and advocating for them and letting them do what they envision their birth going like.

That's great.

So then we know you have your 15 month old girl.

So where in that did you meet your now husband?

Like, when did that happen?

Yeah.

So we met in January of 22, 22, found out about Evy in July and got married in September.

You know, it was like, OK, this happened and we're going to, I mean, I hate to say try to make it right, but like we're going to get married and still raise our kids up in the way that they should go despite, you know, us falling short.

And we did that.

And with her, I said, I don't want a hospital birth.

Like, it's not what I want to do again.

I've seen the good, bad and the ugly.

And I've seen what it can't look like.

Well, you know, without fear.

And so we found a home birth midwife, fell in love with her immediately.

My prenatal care was like a 180 from going to an office and seeing a provider for five minutes and being told, looks great.

You know, like my son could come and my husband could come.

And it was just completely different.

Like I actually built a bond with my midwife and we still talk.

And I love that.

Like even if I have another one, like I'm not going to an OB office.

I have no desire to do that for seeing what it can look like.

She went to 41 weeks.

We had our beautiful home birth set up, like my water broke when I was two centimeters.

And of course, my husband and being like, oh my gosh, your water's broken and all the good stuff.

He called the midwife and I was like, don't call her.

I'm going to be like two centimeters.

I was two centimeters.

Were you contracting, though?

Yeah, every three minutes.

My body likes to, I don't know, but I was also sick.

I had like a 103 degree fever and pneumonia when I went into labor.

So I'm sure that.

That's probably why you went into labor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So after 36 hours of just no sleep, cause I was up coughing and just felt absolutely god awful.

And, you know, I'm over there checking my own cervix because I'm curious.

Cause you know how.

Cause I know how.

When we got to six and just at like at that point in been in 36, 40 hours, but with no sleep, I got in my shower and cried and I decided I needed to go to the hospital and get an epidural and have a baby basically.

Cause at that point it had just been so long and my body was done.

So I cried about it cause I grieved the birth that I wanted to have, you know, and I wasn't going to get it.

But it was great.

I texted the charge nurses that were there and I was like, hey, I'm coming.

I don't want to, but I'm coming.

And they were great.

I got to like my nurses that were there.

And one of my favorite midwives that works there was on call, which was amazing.

You know, she came in and she's like, so bees are going to ask me about these things.

What do you want me to tell them?

And I just kind of said, note everything, don't tell me anything.

I'm here, I'm gonna have a baby.

So I ended up getting there at like 230, 245, got an epidural at three, and then had Evvy at 320.

And I was like, well, you could have done that at home.

But it was good.

It was a good experience.

And I'm glad I had supportive teammates that were able to help me and still respect my wishes.

Yeah.

So it was good.

But for the next one, we'll try another home birth because I do want that experience.

Yeah.

But maybe just not being sick when I go into labor.

Yeah.

Well, when you're, you haven't slept in, man, I can't imagine also having like a fever and pneumonia on top of being in labor.

Like, oh my gosh, that's no fun at all.

I mean, that's not fun by itself, but you add labor to it and that's really hard.

Right.

It was good.

But it was a good delivery.

Like I still was able to get in hands and knees and catch her myself.

My midwife was like, I'm just here if you need me, you let me know what you want me to do.

It was great.

And she was my big baby.

She was nine, six, but an easier delivery within Liam, because with Liam, I was epiduralized and pushed on my back.

It's harder to get him out that way for sure.

Oh my God.

Yes.

But all these experiences, like now looking back at it, I'm like, I think I had the early young mom, complicated social situation, hospital birth, and then my home birth transfer, and reflecting on it and praying about it, like, Lord, why did you just not just let me have my home birth that I want?

He's been like, no, this is teaching you how you will treat your patients and how you'll empathize with them, because you've been through it.

So I see now that they all had purpose.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a beautiful perspective.

In a true perspective, I'll say, I'm not a nurse or a midwife, nor do I plan on doing that.

But I am a doula and have been at many births.

And when I went to have my second, because I did my first in the hospital with an epidural, when I went to have my second, I had him at a birth center and naturally and everything, and pushing him out in that labor during transition, I will say, it was a long transition.

It was probably two or three hours.

And I had the worst back labor like ever.

And then it took me an hour to push him out, which was longer than it took me with my daughter on my back with epidural.

So he was, he ended up being, he had shoulder dystocia and ended up getting stuck.

And, but the midwives, they were wonderful.

And they, you know, and I had seen a shoulder dystocia as a doula.

And so I knew like what to do and got up my hands and knees.

And, you know, we kind of wiggled him out.

And they, I mean, we had three midwives getting him out, which were great.

Yeah.

And after he was out, I said, that was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

Like I had run a half marathon the year before that.

And I was like, this was way harder than that was.

And, and I said in that moment, if I ever do this again, I would definitely get an epidural.

That was, you know, just like, you know, in the moment right after he came out.

And obviously I did not do that.

I went on to have three more natural births.

But, but he was 10, 12.

And, and they said, I think he, cause they all guessed he was going to be over 11.

And they were like, well, he poops so much that like, that he's down now.

But I was like, Lord, why?

Like, why did you give me the biggest baby for my first natural birth?

Like, why did you, you know, do all this stuff?

And he really was like, you will now have, you know, a testimony to tell your future clients that they can do this, that they can, like that a five foot four woman can push out an 11 pound baby naturally.

And that, you know, he made your body to do this and not to fear and not to be intimidated.

Oh my gosh.

And I tell moms all that all the time.

Like, I mean, if he wasn't that big, she was nine six.

But if I feel like if I would have gone the normal, the normal route, they would have been like, oh, you need to do growth scans.

And are you sure you don't have gestational diabetes?

Let's induce you at 38, 39 weeks because you're going to have a big baby.

Right.

And that would have completely deprived me of the actual labor experience and not having a total dissociation, not having another, another traumatic birth story.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We declined any, which they didn't really push them, but any growth scans at the end.

So nobody had no idea how, nobody had any idea how big he was.

But he still came out just fine.

Right.

Yeah.

I was thinking about that.

Like the Lord's not going to give you a child that you can't, like this is what you were made to do.

Right.

Yeah.

And I can't tell you the amount of, I mean, being a labor and delivery nurse and telling some people like, oh, I'm going to have a home birth.

They're like, why would you do that?

You see all the bad, all the ugly.

And my response to that was, why serve a good god who's going to get me through this?

And if he's laid this on my heart, there's a reason for it.

Yeah.

You know, you can't let fear take over.

That's not from the Lord.

That's right.

That's right.

I really struggled in that postpartum period when I got closer to going back to work, because no new mom wants to leave her new born baby after three months biologically.

And thankfully I had great managers that worked with me.

But at that time, like at like eight to 10 weeks, I was like, Lord, what do you want me to do?

Because I don't want to go back to the hospital.

And he just kept saying, you know, it's not time yet to pursue your midwifery degree.

And I struggled with that because I have a hard time sometimes fully surrendering, and I wanted to just jump in headfirst into the midwifery pathway.

But as I was praying about what he wanted me to do, and Lord, like talking to him about, hey Lord, I thought you wanted me to go this way.

So how am I going to start this?

But also needing to provide financially for my family.

And one of the latest sweetest ladies at our church, her name is Sonia, and she has been an influence in my life since I was 14 years old.

When I volunteered with her in kids, men came up to me.

I hadn't seen her in months.

And she said, you remember what Lord told you when you were 14?

She said, you told me that the Lord told you that you were going to be a home birth midwife.

And I don't want you to forget about that promise and that calling that he has on your life.

And that came out of nowhere.

And that has been a huge part of me learning to trust God.

Wow, Emily, that's amazing.

I love how the Lord uses other people, you know, to speak to us and just the confirmation that came with that.

I got goosebumps.

So what else would you have to say if there is anything else about, you know, what God's taught you through both of those experiences, through your son, like getting pregnant with your son and having him, and then getting pregnant with your daughter and having her, like, is there anything else you wanted to share about what God's taught you through that?

Yeah, he has just taught me that no matter how far I walk away, he's always there for me.

And coming back to him, like, there was times with my son when I found out about him, and also with my daughter, I was like, oh my gosh, this has happened again.

Like, Lord's not going to forgive me for that.

And he reels me in real quick, and he's like, no, there's purpose in this, and I'm here if you run back to me.

And I think after my daughter, that's when I, you know, like now, this is the time in my life when I'm walking closest to the Lord.

You know, even with those experiences, he's always been there.

And I'm always, I mean, I am going to fall short, because we're human, and but he's a good father, and he cares for us and loves us.

And no matter what I do, he's not going to give up on me.

Yeah.

Any advice for moms, for any moms out there who are, you know, first time or second time, or thinking about hospital birth, or thinking about home birth?

Like, what would you tell them?

I'd say trust your instincts.

There's, that's a big one.

Don't just go along with whatever a provider tells you, because if you have any kind of feeling like, oh, I don't love that, or that's not for me, or I have questions about that, dig further.

Like, don't stop at, oh, well, this is what my doctor said.

Do your research.

Ask other people in the birth community, because there's lots of knowledge out there that I feel like first time moms are not being told, whether it's in a hospital or a birth center.

Like, there's always risks and benefits to everything.

But I get a lot of moms that are like, oh, well, I like my doctor, so I'm just going to trust what they say.

And that's hard for me to hear because I could, being a nurse at bedside at all times, if my patient has any kind of feeling of, I don't feel good about this.

I'm like, well, you need to speak up, because you can always have more time, or this is still your birth.

That's one of my favorite phrases to you.

If there's medical reasons, that's one thing.

But if this is just your labor and your birth, you're in charge.

Right.

Discuss it with your partner.

Being on the same team as your spouse, for sure.

Yes.

It was even with my family, like me and my husband.

Well, it really was me deciding, I want home birth.

That's what I want to do.

And he's like, well, you do this for a living, then you're birthing the baby.

Yeah.

What do you want to do?

In the responses I got from family and friends in the medical professional, they're like, why would you want to do that?

But it's what we decided together, and that's what we want to do, even though it didn't plan that, or it didn't happen in the way that I originally planned.

I still feel empowered, and I still feel in my safe space because I was making the decisions.

Right.

I feel like that has such an impact on a birth, regardless of how the birth turns out, or where the baby's born, or how it ends up, as long as the mom feels like she was the one who was able to make the decisions along the way, then it becomes a positive experience.

Yes, so that was a big thing.

I don't feel like my daughter's birth was traumatic or horrible because I transferred.

I don't call it a failed home birth.

Things happened, and we had to change our plan, but I was still in control when it was me and my husband making the decisions.

Yeah.

And you still learned from it, and you'll be able to use those things for next time.

Right.

That's right.

The other advice for new moms is, besides trusting your instincts, like, yes, ask your providers all the questions.

Find your birth team.

That makes you feel empowered and safe.

That is so important.

But greater than that is surrendering to the Lord.

And don't bring fear of what we are taught as a nation to fear birth.

Don't bring that in there with you.

Don't listen to these traumatic birth stories, because you might unconsciously take that fear into your own labor and birth with you.

With my son and daughter, I was in completely different spaces during pregnancy, and going into the labor of one kind of sort of walking with the Lord, but not really, and the other one walking with the Lord.

And I had to wake up every morning, even when we found out that I was pregnant, saying, Lord, I surrender to you.

And I would obviously pray like, Lord, I pray that my birth goes like this.

However, if that does not happen, still the glory goes to you, and your plan is far greater than mine.

And taking, like fully surrendering to the Lord, even in pregnancy, and then bringing that into labor and birth, that's when you feel completely safe and empowered, because the Holy Spirit is our comforter.

And that is how I felt comforted and safe my entire time.

It would have been very different if I did not bring the Lord into my birth space with me.

With Liam, I felt scared and alone, and all the things, whereas with Evie, I felt safe, even though my labors were crazy long.

I had surrendered to the Lord, and I fully trusted him in this process.

So, I am praying that my next labor is a lot faster.

I'm praying that for you too.

And that you're not sick for it.

Yes.

I told my husband, I was like, if I can do contractions every two, three minutes for 30 hours, I think I can do it for six.

I know, man.

Long labors versus short labors, they do make a world of a difference, because it's a marathon, and it can still feel like a marathon and a short labor, but simply the duration makes such a bigger impact than people realize, for sure.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, because I think that's what happened with, well, really both of them, like complete exhaustion, and epidural can be a great tool.

Yeah.

You know, like I needed it, and I had a baby, like they rolled over with Evie.

I got my epidural and rolled over onto my side, and the nurse taking care of me was like, well, do you need anything?

You just call me.

And I was like, no, like I'm good.

We'll put a peanut ball in, like no big deal.

We'll take a nap and have a baby.

And as soon as she closed the door, not even two minutes later, I heard my baby's heart rate like drop down.

It was like, doon, doon.

And I was like, oh, no.

But it was just time to have a baby.

Yeah, she was just getting low.

Yeah, I tell moms that when you've been in labor for hours or days at that point and your body starts fighting the contractions and you can't seem to relax at all, no matter what you do, then an epidural is a good tool for a good nap to help your body relax so we can still get your vaginal birth at least.

Right.

Absolutely.

And do position changes.

You're right.

You don't have to pay for that.

That's another big one with an epidural.

Yeah.

Flipping all over the place.

Because babies, I mean, it can come out if you just lay there, but it's not going to be the most effective way.

Yeah.

Well, thank you.

Thank you so much for sharing.

This was really sweet.

And it's like I've seen you on social media and now it's like great to know your stories and to know your path, that you're on your way to be a midwife.

I think that's amazing.

I think about that.

I'm excited.

It's a little scary being like, oh, I'm going to commit two, three years of my life to school while still being a full-time mom and working full-time.

But we're going to surrender completely and trust his plan and hopefully be in the home birth community in a few years.

Well, here you go.

Well, in a few years, if I'm still doing this podcast, which who knows?

I hope so, but it's up to the Lord, really.

We'll be advertising your services to the local area.

Thanks again for joining us today.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram, or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

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We hope you have a great week, and remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.

If I yawn, it has nothing to do with your story and everything to do with the fact that my baby got up like 12 times last night.

So yeah.