049 - The Mindset Shift That Accompanies Parenthood (with McKinnley Hinshaw)

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SHOW NOTES:

Sometimes our first experience isn’t our best experience, and that’s okay. God is sovereign over it all. He’s in the details. And He can and will use what happens in one circumstance to change the course of the next. Today, you’ll hear McKinnley share about her two very different hospital birth experiences, as well as some wonderful wisdom the Lord has given her through them, and since becoming a mother. 

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TRANSCRIPT:

Going into having two kids is just like really caused me to just surrender everything, you know, just God has given us these beautiful babies as blessings, and it is my highest calling to take care of them.

And just like seeing it as a sanctifying opportunity to be molded more into his image.

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories, Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the Pursuit of Surrendering It All to God.

Let's get started.

Hey, everybody, hope your week is off to a great start.

I am recording this the night before this airs, which is what I typically do just to kind of stay up to date with regular life.

And I recently got home from teaching another childbirth class.

We started our new group series tonight with some lovely expecting parents who I'm so excited to be working with and teaching.

But bonus, we are actually filming this class, which I'm super excited about because we are going to be using these in our online course content that I'm currently working on.

It is a really, really, really big project.

But eventually, it will be up.

And my goal is by the end of 2024, if not before, to have our online, on-demand version of this class up and running.

For those of you who don't live in Greensboro, North Carolina, or you just can't make an in-person schedule work with whatever schedule you have, so I am designing this course for you all.

It is the same content.

It is just in an online format versus an in-person format.

But I promise I will still continue to teach in-person classes for those of you who are local to me, because I always highly recommend an in-person class if you can take an in-person class.

But if your schedule doesn't allow it or you're just too far away, then that is why we're making this online class.

Now, new segment, you know I talk about leaving review every week.

I'm going to start reading these reviews every week, or one a week, actually.

And I would hope that in the future, if you haven't left one yet, that you would leave one and maybe I'll get to read yours.

All right, Kelsey says, helped with my natural delivery.

This is my favorite birth podcast.

I love that it's Christ-centered and focused on medication-free births.

My first three births were with an epidural, and my fourth was without any pain meds.

This podcast really helped me prepare for that natural labor and delivery.

I still love listening to it, even though I'm six weeks postpartum.

Thank you, Kayla, for all of your work in making this podcast.

It's such a blessing.

Well, thank you, Kelsey, for leaving that review.

That brings me so much joy to know that we were able to help you, because that is truly my goal.

My goal is to help educate women and men, you know, parents.

And my goal is to help uplift their faith along with all of these episodes.

So thank you, Kelsey.

And if you guys haven't left a review yet, please take just a minute to do so.

It hardly takes any time at all.

You can just scroll down, you know, an Apple podcast, and just click Write a Review.

Pretty simple.

Now let's get into this week's episode.

Sometimes our first experience isn't our best experience.

And that's okay.

God is sovereign over it all.

He's in the details.

And He can and will use what happens in one circumstance to change the course of the next.

Today, you'll hear Mckinnley share about her two very different hospital birth experiences, as well as some wonderful wisdom the Lord has given her through them and since becoming a mother.

So welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater.

And I'm going to let you introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about yourself, let us get to know you, who is telling our story today.

Yes.

So my name is McKinnley Hinshaw.

I was born and raised in Burlington, North Carolina.

So I am from here.

I married my high school sweetheart about seven years ago, seven years ago this September.

And then we have a three year old son named Hudson and then a one year old daughter named Addie or Adeline, what we call her Addie.

So when did you graduate high school?

I graduated team crazy.

They were talking about our I was homeschooled, but my husband went to a local Christian school and they were talking about his 10 year anniversary last year, which they never ended up getting together.

But it was just like, oh, my goodness.

Like, where did that how did that happen so fast?

I know me and that time flies.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts, too.

So I always like to.

Yes, we started dating and started being friends about 2010, started dating in 2000, January of 2011.

And then the rest is history.

So, oh, well, let's let's dive into your birth stories.

So can you tell me about getting pregnant for the first time?

Was it a plan?

Was it a surprise?

Was it fast after you got married or to take a while?

Tell me all the details.

Yeah.

We celebrated our fourth anniversary, like three or four months after my son was born.

So we waited about three and a half years, I guess three-ish years to get pregnant.

So he was a COVID baby.

So March of 2020, COVID started, and we kind of started thinking like, okay, maybe we're ready to start a family.

Things are settled down a little bit more, slowing down a lot.

And we have this really close group of friends, and they were all high school sweethearts, and we were all kind of getting to that point together.

Like, okay, I think we're ready.

So I was on birth control at that point because I was not really naturally minded, so it's just that was normal.

I thought that was what everybody did.

So I got off of birth control in, I think maybe July-ish, I think it was July or August because it took only two or three cycles before I found out I was pregnant.

So, yeah, so super easy, very blessed because I've had friends who took longer, ended up having to do IVF, you know, lots of different stories, and we were just very blessed.

I'm thankful for that.

So, yeah, so with our son, we were trying, but, you know, kind of tracking, but I didn't really know quite how to track very well.

So it was like, okay, I think this is the time, let's try.

And so, like I said, it was about the second month, and I found out I was pregnant on my sister's wedding day.

So, yes, so the morning of her wedding, I had been taking some tests, kind of suspecting things.

And then that morning, my husband, he joked, he saw the test on the counter.

He's like, oh, two lines.

And I picked it up, and I was like, no, there really are two lines.

So that was a fun secret to keep.

I did tell my sister, but everybody else we pretty much kept it from.

And then when people found out, and, you know, we told them, like, yeah, we actually found out the day of the wedding.

They were like, you know, I thought you looked pretty happy.

I thought you looked like you had a secret that day.

Y'all were just, like, really close and happy.

And I was like, yeah, that's what it was.

And so we were just excited, you know.

It was like, okay, well, that's done.

You know, we're pregnant now.

And the thought of miscarriage was in my head, but never really, like, a big worry.

It was just, we were so excited.

And I never did miscarry, but it was like, at that point, I guess it just felt like we were a family of three now, you know?

Like, it was not just us two.

And so we told our families on Thanksgiving Day.

So my sister's wedding was on Halloween.

It was not Halloween-themed.

It was just on that day.

And then we told our families about a month later on Thanksgiving.

And they were all so excited.

Because on my side, my son is the first grandchild, so very excited.

And then on my in-law's side, it was the second, but then he was the first boy on that side.

So very exciting, very fun.

And I really just think at that point, we had no clue of what was to come.

We were so excited, like, oh, we're having a baby.

But the we're having a baby phase had not hit yet.

Oh my goodness, what are we going to do?

And I think we were still just living on the high of it being just us two on this earth.

And we still traveled and had fun together and just looking forward to that next July when I was due.

Oh, yes, I remember that blissful time of when you're pregnant, but you haven't really experienced anything yet.

So how did you go about seeking care for your pregnancy?

Had you established care with an OBGYN ahead of time?

Or what did you do there?

I was under an OBGYN, but I didn't love her.

And then I think she had actually stopped delivering maybe a couple months before we had decided to have a baby.

So I knew that it was, you know, a switch, a change was coming up.

And so I ended up, I just switched to a local care provider.

It was a very large office, very well known.

But, you know, I had heard good things about it.

They had midwives, which I knew that I did want to be under midwives more than OB at that point.

I pretty much saw the midwives every once in a while to see a doctor.

But I liked them.

I did like them.

I was happy with it.

I didn't really know any different.

But I also didn't do anything differently.

Like I didn't go against anything they recommended.

I did the drink, the gluco-cola drink.

I got all the vaccines while pregnant.

And so everything went great with my care.

And just look like talking to other people now, looking back now, this office just, if you do try to go against what they like, they do not like that.

So I'm thankful for that experience, you know, like that it did go well, that it wasn't like a bad memory while being pregnant or anything.

But yeah, I just kind of went with who my friends had recommended in town and just went along with the flow.

So then how did the pregnancy go?

Was it pretty smooth or did you have any issues at all?

It really, it was a wonderful pregnancy.

Both of mine have been great.

I was nauseous, but I never threw up.

I would just, you know, every once in a while, I would look at a food and be like, that doesn't sound great right now.

And then I might end up eating it in the next two days.

You know, just it would go up and down.

I was working full time at that point.

I had changed jobs in July of 2020.

So I was working.

So I'm a physical therapist assistant.

I should have said that in the beginning, but I do pediatric home health.

So I was going into, you know, these parents' and these kids' houses.

And it was just really relieving when I could finally tell them I was pregnant, because all the moms were like, oh, you know, let us know if we can help, or, you know, this helped me, that helped me.

And so that, you know, I had some really good suggestions, but I was still able to work full time.

You know, I was tired, but I kind of expected that.

And really no pain or anything.

Like, it was just a breeze, honestly.

Well, what a blessing.

That's great.

Yes, I'm very thankful.

So then going in to labor, did you have a plan or an idea of how you wanted it to go or what kind of birth you wanted at all?

I did.

I definitely had a birth plan.

Like, I had kind of thought it out.

I wrote it out, but I didn't talk through it with my husband as much as I wanted to or as much as I should have, I'll say that.

And the hospital that I delivered in with my first, they did provide free doulas, like volunteer doulas.

So I was able to use one of those, but you had like one call before, and it was just, it wasn't a close relationship, you know, they had your written birth plan, but it felt very biased toward the hospital, this doula did.

Like, you know, she was just used to those doctors and the midwives care.

So yeah, so I knew I wanted a doula.

I picked the one I liked.

I wrote out, you know, I would love to have a natural flavor and delivery.

You know, I'd like to avoid dot dot dot, you know, certain things.

But I don't think I educated myself enough to be able to say no or to be able to stand up for myself or even just to be able to get my body to get through it myself.

I just had no clue what was coming.

And I, you know, with your first, I really just, you have no clue, you know, that they can't really explain the feelings.

And I will say the pain with my daughter, it was more uncomfortable, but we'll get to that.

But with my son, it was painful.

Like those contractions were rough.

And so I just kind of threw the plan out the window and was like, you know, let's just do what works for now.

So I had desires.

I'll say I had desires, but I loosely helped them, which is good in some ways.

Yeah, so it wasn't something you prepared for.

It was just something you thought, oh, that would be nice.

Yeah, you know, you hear like your body is made to do this and, you know, women have been doing this for years and I 100% agree with that.

But you also need some more education to go along with it or more support or...

I get what you're saying because like your body is made to do this and billions of women have done this for a few jillions of years.

Like it's, you know, that's how we exist.

But at the same time, in the last hundred years, the culture that we've been raised in, you know, we've in our society have been taught the opposite of that.

You know, like you can't do this without our help and you need our help and you need our interventions or something bad might happen.

So it's kind of like a whole mind shift now compared to the rest of time.

It's only in the last hundred years or so that everyone's minds have kind of shifted and morphed a little bit.

Yeah.

Okay.

So tell us about the labor then.

How did you go into labor?

How far along were you?

All those things.

Yes.

Yeah.

So my first labor is it was almost forced in a way.

Like I wasn't induced, but I was.

So I had a membrane sweep done at 39 weeks because I was just like, Oh, I've heard that helps, you know, start labor.

Let's do it.

Let's, you know, I'm ready.

And so I had that done.

And then overnight, like I slept horribly that night.

And then I was kind of uncomfortable, but I was leaking for sure.

Like I just thought it was discharge.

And then it just kept, like I kept feeling, filling pads and just having to pee all the time.

And then I was like, this is my water.

So the membrane sweep had definitely caused a leak.

And so I called the office the next morning and they said, I think it was around two o'clock.

They said, we have an appointment.

You can come in then.

And I was cramping, but I wasn't having consistent contractions at that point.

It was just more of like a period type cramp that was just consistently there.

So while she was checking me again to see what was going on, my water broke on the table in the exam room.

So that was fine.

My husband was there, thank goodness, but then he got the wonderful job of helping clean it up.

And we saw that there was meconium in my water.

So that kind of like set off some, I guess, red flags for the midwife.

And she went into like overdrive at that point.

So she recommended Cytotec.

So they gave me like a half a dose of Cytotec.

Well, I'll back up.

We had just gone to the appointment because I think actually I called around lunchtime.

And then they said, we have a two o'clock.

And I think we had like 30 minutes to get ready and get there.

So we just we didn't take any bags or anything.

We just went to the appointment.

So they were like, well, you can go home and get your stuff or, you know, we can check you in and your husband can go get it.

And I was like, no, I'm going to go with him.

I want to stay with him.

So we went home, got our bags, came back.

And when we got back around, there's probably four at that point, they gave me half a dose or half a pill of Cytotec, which I did not realize at that point was an actual induction drug.

She just told me like, oh, this will help, you know, contractions get going more consistently.

Since your water has broke, we don't want to, you know, we want to get things going.

And I was like, OK, sure, I'm all for that.

And but those cytotec contractions were they were rough.

They were rough.

I've never had pitocin contractions.

But to me, it sounds very similar.

They were very strong, very consistent, but they were ineffective.

So I labored on my own with the doula till I think about nine thirty that evening.

So from about four thirty to nine thirty, I did labor naturally.

And she was great.

I mean, she did.

The doula did help me, you know, get in certain positions or use the ball or get in the shower.

She was really helpful at that point.

And I was just tired because I had not slept the night before.

I was very overwhelmed because this did not feel anything like I thought it would feel like.

I don't really know what I thought it would feel like, but it didn't.

It was just very surprising.

I was I felt defeated, too, because right actually, no, it was right after I got the epidural.

They checked and I was only at four centimeters.

And so when I heard that, I was like, there is no way I could have kept going all the way to 10 centimeters, you know, and I probably could have.

But in that moment, I just I felt very defeated.

But I was at peace with getting the epidural at that point.

It was actually a man that we went to church with that did that.

So it's kind of funny when he walked in and you're just like, Hi, it's me.

But he gave me a great one.

And I tried to sleep at that point, but I got the shakes really bad.

So it was I would watch my husband and my doula sleep, and I was laying there just violently shaking.

And I'm like, This is not fair.

Like, I'm the one in labor here, but I'm glad they slept.

So they gave me the epidural around 10 p.m.

And then about 4 or 430 in the morning, I was having a lot of pressure.

So I told the midwife and she checked me and knows the nurse.

The nurse checked me and she said, let's do a couple of practice pushes, kind of see where we are.

So I did a couple and she's like, OK, I think we're good to bring the midwife in.

So that was about 430 when the midwife came in.

So with her, I did a few more practice pushes, but I was in the bed on my back, like in a terrible position.

And she was like, well, you know, you're progressing, but you know, we're a little slow.

You know, you're progressing, but there's another girl in the room right beside you.

That's about where you are.

So I'm going to go deliver her baby and then I'll come back and we'll deliver your baby.

And again, naive me and my husband.

Yeah, we're like, OK, sounds good, because I was uncomfortable, but I wasn't like horribly uncomfortable at that point.

So I laid there for an hour and my body obviously kept progressing, trying to push my son out.

And I got to the point to where I told my husband, I said, I am pushing this baby out.

If there's a midwife in here or not, I was just like, I can not hold this in anymore.

So she comes in and she's like, OK, well, we took your catheter out with the first practice pushes, but we probably need to empty your bladder again.

So we're going to have to re-cath you and then we can push.

So with all of that happening, it was a good thing because my body did help, like it did progress more.

And I only pushed for 20 minutes after that.

But this started at about 430 and my son was born at 620, 630 ish.

I can't remember the exact time.

So about two hours after I started, but I only pushed for 20 minutes.

So like good and bad.

So yeah, yeah.

And I tore, I think I had like a one degree tear and she, let's see, she did stitch me up because I remember I was actually more sore because of the stitches.

But other than that, like I bled a little bit, but not too bad.

So other than that, after the labor, you know, everything was great.

Our baby was here.

I was feeling good.

My epidural was starting to wear off, but I was really, really sore.

Like I could not get out of the bed by myself.

I couldn't really roll over.

So my husband was wonderful help in that time, but you're just riding that that high of having a new baby and you didn't really care.

And then just, you know, going home after that was it was smooth.

It was a very smooth transition into parenthood, into motherhood, postpartum, I kind of segue into postpartum.

It was a lot easier than I expected because you hear a lot of people talking about, you know, baby blues and postpartum depression and anxiety.

And I was just so happy.

Like I just loved the time with my son.

He was an easy baby.

I talk to a lot of people now and I mean, he's an easy toddler.

Like he's very sweet and very patient most of the time.

I mean, he still has his moments, but it made it a lot easier.

He wasn't a great sleeper, but we got through that and it's okay.

But yeah, it was just I had a lot of support.

I had a lot of help from my husband and my mom and my in-law and my grandma.

Like I just constantly had people coming in and supporting and bringing food and encouragement.

And I really believe that made a world of difference.

And just added to the excitement and the joy that we already had was just knowing that we had so many people loving on us and our sweet little baby.

Oh, yeah, that makes such a big difference.

Like that can make or break a postpartum, that type of support.

Yeah.

So postpartum was great.

Did you end up breastfeeding?

Did, yes.

I'm glad you brought that up because it's like I kind of blocked that out slightly.

So my son, he had pretty severe tongue and lip ties, which looking back, we think my husband does too, that he's had him his whole life.

He's a mouth breather now.

There's a lot of symptoms.

So after we fixed it with my son or revised it, I pretty much expected all my babies to have that since it's mostly genetic or can be genetic.

But anywho, we struggled with breastfeeding.

So he had a horrible latch.

He was able to eat, but he was not emptying me.

So I would feed him, and then I would pump, and then we would bottle feed.

And so we would do triple feeds every hour, and it would take about an hour long to do all that.

So that was hard at first.

And I was like gung ho about not giving any formula because I knew we could do it.

I had this feeling.

And I told my husband, I was like, if I get to the point to where he is malnourished or if I feel like he needs formula, believe me, I will supplement.

But I think that we've got this.

And he never dropped below too small.

Our pediatrician was on the edge of being worried, but I could tell he was healthy.

He was thriving.

We got this, and we made it through it.

So we had his tongue ties revised around maybe a month, maybe four to five weeks old, I think.

And then about two weeks after that was when we really started to settle into a rhythm.

His latch was much, much better.

And then probably about three months old was when it was like, okay, we can do this.

Like, we're in this for the long haul.

We've got this.

So, and I still in that area had a lot of support.

You know, my husband was, like I said, he was more okay with formula than I was, but he was still supportive of my desires.

So, you know, I said I love our baby.

I love our child, and I'm not going to hurt him or, you know, let him starve in any way, shape, or form.

And he trusted me in that area, and I'm thankful for that.

That's good.

And I'm glad you got help instead of giving up.

I know a lot of moms in the postpartum season, especially if they don't have the support and the help that you had, could have an issue like that and then just decide to be done with it.

So, that's great.

You were able to push through.

And now I assume that you went on to nurse him for a while after that.

Yes and no.

I did start to cut him down at like 11 months because he was seeming not quite super interested.

So, we would cut out the morning feed, and he would still do both naptimes and then bedtime.

And then I slowly cut out a nap.

But I was still doing, I think, morning and evening.

And then we went on vacation with my in-laws when he was about 15 months old.

And he did not want to nurse that morning.

And I was like, oh, it's just because Papa was out there.

Let him go play.

It's fine.

We'll get back to it when we get home.

And we got home, and he never wanted to again.

He was done.

So, he kind of self-leaned at about 15 months.

And like I said, we were at very minimal nursing, but he was still getting those nutrients, which I loved.

So, I pumped for maybe a couple more weeks after that, and I would just put it in his cups and his bottles.

And then I was at peace with stopping, and he's healthy and strong and everything.

But it was kind of like I wasn't prepared for it to be the last time when it was the last time.

And so, it was kind of a curse, but also a blessing at the same time, because I didn't have to decide when to stop.

He just kind of did it for me.

And I was like, oh, okay, all right.

So, we'll bond in other ways, you know.

We'll cuddle, and we'll make up for it.

But yeah, just something to kind of adjust to.

Well, still, going over a year, though, that's wonderful.

I know it's hard for a lot of women to even make it to a year, so that's great.

Yeah, I was glad.

So then, how long between your son and your daughter?

When did you end up getting pregnant with her?

So, our daughter was not planned.

So, we got pregnant my son's first birthday weekend.

And it was kind of one of those times where it's like, I knew it was iffy, but we kind of put that on the back burner.

And then three weeks later, I had a positive pregnancy test.

So, we laugh about it.

It's just, it was the Lord's plan for us, and I wouldn't change it now.

But I remember, I pretty much expected that I was pregnant.

And when I finally got those two dark lines on a test, I FaceTime my husband at work because I couldn't wait.

And he picked it up and I showed it to him.

He said, Oh, my, like, what are we going to do?

And at that time, we were living in a tiny little, technically one bed, one bath house.

There was another bedroom.

It just didn't have a closet.

So we didn't have much storage.

It was 980 square feet total.

And I loved it.

It was so fun and so close.

But then it's like, OK, how are four people going to fit in here?

And we did it.

We stayed there for about three months.

But yeah, so they ended up being 21 months apart when my daughter was born.

Which it was nice because my son, he just that was the new normal.

You know, he was he kind of looked at her funny when we brought her home.

And then he wanted to go play with one of the balloons that someone had given us.

Like, it was just OK, she's here.

You know, this is life.

And I think he's adjusted really well to to her.

So while I don't want to have another one so close together, because then that would be three kids at that young age, I think the two at the 21-month age difference, I think it really was a good time, a good transition.

Yeah, two of mine are that close together.

We had, you know, got pregnant right after one of their first birthdays, and then they're 22 months apart, but now they are three and five, and they are little buddies, like attached at the hip and do everything together.

So it's been fun to watch.

Yes.

So second pregnancy, second go-around, did you end up making any changes in how you approached your care or your pregnancy or your birth plan, or did you change anything from the first to the second?

Yes, everything, everything.

I think, you know, coming into motherhood, I started to see just the effect of over-the-counter medications and the effect of vaccines and just all the things that is just normal to this day and age.

I started to realize, like, okay, that's probably not good.

That's probably not normal.

And I mean, all the way down to our food.

Like, we just really revamped our house.

We ate healthy before, but, you know, like, now I try to avoid seed oils and try to eat mostly organic and all of that.

So I really just made a 180.

My husband has just been holding on for dear life.

So, yeah, so when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I knew just from my first birth experience, it traumatized me.

It did.

I didn't really realize it until later, or I just didn't have peace with it.

And I knew I just wanted a different experience, and I was a lot more natural at that point.

Can I ask why?

Like, what about that experience?

What made it not feel peaceful?

Like, what about it did you not feel good about?

Yeah, yeah, I think it's my personality.

I'm very, I am very Liszt.

Like, I love Liszt.

Liszt-minded, I guess is the word.

And so I really wanted to stick with my birth plan, but I just kind of blew it off in the moment.

But once I got through all that, I was like, why did you do that?

Like, you should have stuck with it.

Like, you could have, or you should have, or, you know, you should have spoken up for yourself or gotten, you know, a better deal.

Just a lot of shoulds, putting on myself.

And I think the whole, like, laying there for an hour, not pushing, I think that really did kind of give me some PTSD of just like, oh my goodness.

And so I just, I knew I wanted to be more in control of my second birth, or just more like heard and cared for, rather than this is what you've got to do.

So yeah, that's kind of why, why I knew I wanted to switch.

And then on top of my just like shift to more of a natural lifestyle, led me to changing offices.

So yeah, so I decided to change to another midwife based office that I had just heard amazing things about, that they would listen to your desires and your concerns, and they would let you decline certain things or do more natural options.

And were just very caring and very personal.

And so I switched to them, and I will never go back anywhere else.

I love, love this office.

And they were just wonderful, the midwives there from the first.

I mean, I told them my birth story, and they kind of all were like, yeah, that probably should not have happened, you know, at least the laying there for an hour.

And also the rushing the cytotech, you know, they said we would have let you wait a little bit longer.

There was meconium, but you could have waited a little longer before you tried to force contractions.

And it was just a breath of fresh air to hear that without them saying like, no, I think that was right.

You know, you were wrong.

So I was just grateful for their concern and their care during the whole pregnancy.

And they were just excited when I would bring my son in with me.

Like, it was just a great practice.

But yeah, so I kind of changed entirely from the first to the second.

You said already that you had, you know, really smooth pregnancies.

So then how far along were you?

Because I know last time you were 39 weeks when they sweeped you and your water broke.

But how far along were you this time?

How did how did labor start this time?

Yes.

So yeah, I had it in my mind that I wanted to let labor happen on its own.

And, you know, I was like, oh, we got this.

And then you get to that 38 39 week mark and you're like, oh, no, do I have this?

But I still stuck with it.

And what really helped was the office I was at.

They don't do cervical checks until 40 weeks.

So that helped me help me get there.

But I went to 41 weeks on the day or she was born the like early, early morning afters on 41 weeks in one day.

So so that last week, technically that last two weeks, which is pretty much I think I went.

I think I was 39 weeks, three days with my son.

So about a week and a half longer than I had done before.

That was tough because it's like for some reason I had I had in my head that my daughter was going to come early since my son did, because I would just block out the fact that like he was basically induced or I was induced.

So he basically was forced to come early.

So, yes, I went to 41 weeks and I had prodromal labor starting from I think about 39 weeks, 39 and a half until you get excited and you're like, Oh, this is it.

And then it just stops.

And so I had that about two or three times.

I was doing the mile circuit.

I was doing everything to try to keep it going and just wasn't wasn't time.

My body wasn't ready.

So the morning of 41 weeks, I had an appointment and I had been having some feelings and I was like, OK, I'm pretty sure these are contractions, but they were variable.

It's just like, you know, I was feeling something but not really painful at that point.

And they did an ultrasound that day just to make sure everything was was good.

And I still had plenty of fluid and everything.

And we could actually see a tiny little tuft of hair at the back of my daughter's head.

And so I knew she was going to have hair, which is really exciting.

But then come find out it was really only in that spot, like this is the very back.

But so at that, let's see at that appointment, I did let them do a membrane sweep.

We talked through it.

I was just scared that, you know, I was going to force labor again when it wasn't supposed to start, or I was going to break my water too early without consistent contractions.

And my midwife, we discussed the pros and the cons.

My husband was there and we all kind of came to the decision that, you know, she's ready.

My body is probably ready.

And, oh, and that morning I had lost my mucus plug.

So all of that combined really like, OK, we're good.

Let's do this.

So we did the membrane sweep at about, I want to say that was around lunchtime.

So on the way home, I started to get a little bit more uncomfortable.

My husband went back to work.

I took my son home, put him down for a nap.

And then around two or three that afternoon, I knew that this was it.

Like things were getting a little bit more consistent.

It was still slow, but getting more consistent.

And so I just kind of labored in my living room, labored on the ball, did lots of stretches.

Leading up to this pregnancy, I had done a ton, a ton of stretching with breathing practice and praying through that, just praying for the Lord to bless this labor and delivery and this birth and just, you know, let it work out to where we can get my son to my mom's and not have to wake her up or not to wake him up or anything.

And it all just fell together so perfectly.

So I would, you know, pray and labor and let's see, my husband decided to come home about four o'clock, I think.

And he was, he really didn't know that it was the real thing or that it was even going as fast as it was because he loves to hunt.

So he works on like his deer fields and his dove fields.

And he said, can I go work on my fields tonight?

And I texted back, I said, are you joking?

And at that point he was like, I should probably go home.

So he came home a little early and we still labored at home for a while.

I have just wonderful memories of sitting in the living room.

It was a sunny April, we went out in the yard and walked around, looked at our chickens.

My son was riding around on the lawnmower with his dad.

And just that day is just, this birth was just so redeeming.

That whole day was redeeming.

So then we called my midwife around, I think it was about 6 p.m.

And at that point, I was having like minute long contractions every three to four minutes.

Like they were close, but not alarmingly close.

And we lived about 25 minutes away from the hospital.

So we knew we had that drive as well.

Were you going back to the same hospital?

No, I changed hospitals as well.

Yep.

A new hospital just because the office was in a different location.

Yeah, so I switched to Wendover OBGYN, and then I delivered at Combe, or Women's Hospital in Greensboro.

Yeah.

So about 25 minutes from our house.

Not too bad, but I also didn't want to drive miserably, or ride, you know, being miserable for 25 minutes.

So we decided with my midwife to head on up there about 7 and meet there about 7.30, or maybe it was meet there at 7 p.m.

So my mom came and got my son, and we said our goodbyes and everything, and then we headed to the hospital.

And so we got there, and I was, it's like a blur.

You remember the details, but it's also a blur.

I think I was about 4 centimeters when we got there, so they went ahead and admitted me upstairs.

And I ended up getting the midwife that I originally thought that I did, I would not want in labor.

I thought I would want the other one, but in the end, I was so thankful.

She was just very calm and reassuring, and just kind of let me do my thing, and that was really helpful.

So yeah, so we went up, she knew my plans for natural.

A water birth is what I wanted to, so we had already decided to bring the tub in, get that ready.

I don't think they started it quite yet, but she was like, well, I'm just going to let you do your thing.

I had hired a doula for this birth, and Christian is just amazing.

She is just a lifesaver.

So she was a great advocate.

And my husband kind of knew, too.

We had talked a lot more about what I did want, what I didn't want, what he might need to speak up and say if I'm not able to.

And so just having those presents, that presence in the delivery room was really, really helpful.

Did you end up preparing any more than you did the first time?

Because I know you said the first time you just kind of like, this is what you wanted, but you didn't necessarily prepare for it.

Did you do anything like the second time around to prepare more so?

I did, yes.

Like I said, I did a lot of stretching and like labor-inducing exercises just to kind of prepare your body and your cervix.

A lot of breathing, and then I did a lot of reading about like pain management strategies, about different breathing techniques.

I took a natural labor class the first time, but I think I took a different one that was a little bit more detailed this time.

I followed a few like very supportive natural birthing or unmedicated birthing Instagram pages, and I saw lots and lots of stories of home births and hospital births and just so many different locations of where these women were able to birth unmedicated and just kind of empowered myself, listened to a lot of podcasts.

I did not find yours, sadly.

Mine didn't exist yet, so it's fine.

I was going to say, I don't know if you even had it.

So yeah, I just kind of searched on Spotify unmedicated births or I had a Christian, it was like verses and then some inspirational quotes podcasts that I listened to in early labor, and it just kind of helped me zone in.

I had meditated on verses and kind of got them deep down in my brain to where they would come back easily and just like affirmations and things like that.

So yes, I did a lot more.

And I think just, I think knowing what was coming, you know, inspired me to do that.

Because like I said, with your first, you don't really know what to prepare for.

So kind of knowing what it sort of felt like, helped me to know like, okay, you've really got it in your head for this one and, you know, be prepared.

So yeah, so I did all that.

And then I hired the doula and we, you know, had a relationship, like a strong relationship before I even had my daughter.

And so I knew that like she had my back.

If my husband wasn't quite sure what to do medically, she was going to have our back because she had a little bit more of that knowledge.

And so yeah, so she came.

It was probably about 830 or 9 when she came and we just labored.

We were in the shower.

We were on the side of the bed.

We were, let's see, I never really went walking the halls, but just different positions around the room.

And then I started to get really, really tired.

So this was probably around midnight.

And with my son, they had put me on side lying in the peanut ball, and that one just sent my pain like through the roof.

Like it was horrible.

I think that's what ended up sending or making me decide to get an epidural.

So this time Christian was like, you know, if you're going to lay down, we probably should do side lying with the peanut ball in between your knees.

And I was like, okay, I'll try it.

And ended up my contraction slowed down in that position.

But I was so grateful because I got like probably two or three, four or five minute naps, which is a blessing when you're in labor.

It doesn't sound like much, but it was enough just to give me that last little bit of energy to get through.

So I laid there and slept for a little bit.

And then my midwife came back in about midnight, I think.

And I was at a five or six at that point.

So I hadn't really progressed too much, but my water had not broken yet.

So she was like, your daughter is right there.

And I really think if I break your water, she's going to get right on your cervix and things are just going to go super fast.

But with my last experience of breaking my water, I was still very hesitant.

So again, we weighed pros and cons and talked through it and decided to let her break my water about midnight.

So they filled the pool up.

So it would be warm and ready for me to go straight in the pool, or not the pool, but the tub.

And so she broke my water about 1230, I think by the time we had set everything up.

And then I went straight into the tub.

And it's so funny, they kept saying, you know, it's going to go quickly, it's going to go quickly.

And then finally, I was like, how quickly is quickly?

And Christian said, probably an hour or two.

And I was like, that is not quickly.

You know, I was like, I'm expecting like 30 minutes.

But, you know, looking back now, it really did kind of feel like 30 minutes, but it also felt like an eternity.

But you know, that was quickly to them.

Two hours was fast.

But yeah, so about 1230, I got in the tub, and things did start to go pretty fast.

So I went from a six, went through a transition in the tub and was at a 10 and started pushing at like 150.

So in the grand scheme of things, it was fast.

And so yeah, so I was feeling a lot of pressure, but I was still able to get through my contractions.

I had started vocalizing probably about the time, like right before they broke my water.

So they could tell, you know, we're getting somewhere.

And so once we were in the tub, things were intense, but I was still able to make it through.

And I was feeling quite a bit of pressure.

And Christian, my doula was like, well, let's do a couple of practice pushes just to see.

But the midwife wasn't even there yet.

I think she kind of wanted to see, like, was it really the pressure of needing to push or was it just contraction pressure?

Because I didn't quite know the difference since I hadn't experienced it.

So I started pushing and that just set off like a chain of events.

Like your practice pushing with Christian, you mean?

You started pushing?

Yes.

So my practice pushings set off my body like, oh, time to fish.

Okay, let's do this.

And honestly, that was something that I had prayed for was the FER.

I think that's what it is.

Full ejection.

And or just like, you know, it's like that would be cool to experience.

And I really think that's what happened because it it she didn't come out instantly, but it was like a matter of 10 minutes and two pushes that she was out.

And I don't feel like I did much.

I think my body did a lot of it.

But yeah, at that point, I start like roaring like the primal sounds that come out of nowhere.

You don't really understand.

And my midwife heard me and came in.

And so, yeah, so that was about 150.

And then my daughter was born at 205.

So it was just a whirlwind.

And then after that, you're just riding the oxytocin high of just like, oh, my goodness.

And I remember I have the videos.

I remember I have the videos.

But I also remember sitting there and just being like, wow, wow, what was that?

Like, you know, I did that.

Wow.

So it's just really empowering, you know.

And for my husband, like he has said, it's just hard to watch someone you love in pain, you know, knowing it's for a good cause, but so for it to happen that quickly, too, I think was good for him to kind of be like, okay, we made it.

You know, we can we did this.

And so, yeah, and my daughter had dark hair, like all around.

But then this one, like we called her a little bird, this one piece that stuck up in the back.

And she just laid on my chest and just stared at us and was just the most peaceful, happy little thing.

And my placenta did come very quickly, because I was starting to feel like, like stinging again, just with everything going on, it didn't even occur to me that that was my placenta.

So the midwife was like, yeah, yeah, let's get that out and you'll be more comfortable.

But I ended up bleeding quite a bit with that birth to where I made it to the bed.

But then after that, I was getting a little loopy and I tried to set up one time and almost passed out.

So I had to get an IV at that point.

Of just fluids?

Just fluids, not blood transfusion, just fluids.

And with that, I felt much better.

But yeah, yeah, I'm always amazed at moms who I've yet to have a water birth, by the way.

But I'm always amazed when they just like get up from the tub and like walk to the bed because I know for me, I've had all my babies like in a bed, more or less, or very, very close to the bed.

So anytime I get up for the first time after I have the baby and walk, and it doesn't matter if it's been an hour or five minutes, I am always so woozy and like dizzy and like see the black spots like every single time.

I'm like, Whoa, I'm not ready for this.

But it's like every time that happens to me.

So I'm amazed when women like get up from the tub and walk to the bed.

And so I totally, totally get what you're saying there.

Yeah, I will say I had a lot of help because I was still, I was bleeding a lot at that point.

And I think they wanted me out of the tub so they could kind of see what was going on.

Measure it.

Yep, yep.

Because in the tub, it always makes it look like a lot because of the water.

Yeah, it was like instantly red.

Yeah, so we had my husband holding on one side.

Somebody else had the baby, obviously, because like you said, I did not feel comfortable carrying her.

Like I was able to keep myself up from somebody holding a towel underneath.

Like, yeah, a lot of help.

But I did make it back to the bed.

I think they do need a better tub that you don't have to like climb up and over.

This is not a great system.

But yeah, so got an IV of fluids after that, which I took evening primrose oil with both of my pregnancies.

But then now I've learned that that can cause like blood thinning or hemorrhage.

And so I'm not going to take it if we have another and just see if that's what caused it.

It could just be my body that does that after birth.

And next time I'll say, hey, you might need to have an IV handy.

But after that, I was good.

But yeah, the postpartum this time around, like I didn't tear any, so no stitching.

And then she did come out quickly, but I really was not sore at all.

Like I was able to get up and take care of her that whole next night.

My husband slept most of the night, which I would have woken him if I needed to, but he was able to sleep.

And so I was grateful for that, just feeling better.

I was very, very tired, like very weak, or I would just fatigue very quickly because I did lose all that blood.

And it took me probably, probably three to five months to get back to where I felt like I could even walk up a flight of stairs without getting short of breath.

But, you know, we kind of talked about it at the part of visits and everything.

And we kind of came to the decision that my body was going to replenish the blood I lost.

And I had also just had a baby, too.

So I didn't do anything about it.

But I will say that it knocked out my energy for a while.

Well, also not sleeping probably did not help.

Yes, I know.

My husband, he said, why has both of our babies been born in the middle of the night?

Because then you start off with a new baby or with another baby are exhausted.

And I'm like, yeah, it's just how we are.

It's when a lot of babies decide to come is in the middle of the night.

You mentioned before that your son's birth you considered painful, but your daughter's birth you considered uncomfortable.

Can you talk more about that?

Yeah, I think like my son's birth, the contractions just felt like they were like knives sticking in both sides of my body and just like squeezing it.

It was more of like a pinching burning feeling.

But with my daughter, it was just that like you hear people say that like wrapping around tightening, squeezing kind of feeling.

And that I was able to like zone in and breathe through.

And in the end, at the end, it's still like I would not consider it pain.

I would consider it pressure and like being uncomfortable and just an insane amount of pressure.

Because even with the contractions, which I did have a good amount of back labor, even with both births, and I used the TENS unit for my daughter, which helps so much with the back labor, but then once you get in the tub, you have to take that off.

So that's really where I felt that pressure in my low back.

And it was like my low back and my like my butt area was where I felt all that pressure.

But it was still just like, okay, I've got to breathe through this pressure, but never really like that, that like knife feeling with my son.

And I don't know if it was just the fact that I had prepared more.

I had taught myself how to breathe better and relax better, and my body could just accept that feeling more.

And I had also, you know, in preparation, I had tried to tell myself that like, you know, it might be painful, but it's a good pain.

You know, it's a purposeful pain, but I tried to like, think about it as I might have used the word pressure in my head to just try to use like other words to reassure myself that like, it's okay, you don't have to run from this.

It's okay.

And that helped a lot.

Right.

Like not fighting the contractions, but just like surrendering to them and let your body do what it needed to do.

Yep.

And it's so funny, like in my birth plan for my daughter, which was very similar to my son's, but I just stuck to it more.

But I think I had put like, you know, I want my husband close by, I want him like talking to me and, you know, rubbing on me.

And then I actually go into labor on my own and I'm experiencing all these new feelings.

The second time, and like I would just zone in, I would close my eyes and I would breathe and he would be on the other side of the room.

And it was just so funny.

I was like, they probably think that he doesn't love me, but I just I didn't really want anybody near, you know, at the very end, I did need his presence.

And I'd like squeeze the mess out of his hand.

But before that, it was just kind of me doing my own thing.

And you just never really know what you're going to what you're going to need.

It's true till you're in the moment and then go right away.

So how to breastfeeding go with your daughter?

Much better, much more smooth.

She does have mild, I think a tongue tie is what we decided, I think, but her lip tie was not as bad.

Her latch was much better.

She was I mean, she nursed like once I got back into the bed, she started nursing and latched great at that point.

So that was just so encouraging, such a breath of fresh air.

We had, I took her to some body work.

So I still did a lot of like whole body relaxation with her because I mean, you know, they go through trauma too when they're being born.

And that helped for sure, but I didn't have to have the actual revision done on her.

So that was I was grateful for that.

But I was expecting it.

So I was grateful that we haven't had to do anything for it.

Did you have the same amount of support this time, postpartum, that you did the first time?

Yep.

Yep.

So we moved, but it's just to like a different house in the same town.

And it's about the same distance from my parents, just kind of the opposite direction.

And so my mom was close by.

Again, my in-laws, my grandma, my sister.

Actually, my sister had a baby three weeks after I did.

So it was really fun going through it together.

And she did a home birth, so it was so fun watching that experience and seeing the differences and all that.

Did you go to her birth?

I did not.

I wanted to, but it ended up being during the day.

I was going to say I had my kids.

I was going to say you had a three-week-old too.

I went later.

And in her birth, she...

I joke with her.

I tell her she was in transition the whole time, because she said transition wasn't that bad.

And I was like, no, you were in it the whole time.

Like, the intensity of it.

It was pretty intense.

I felt like I needed to just give her her space.

But my mom kept me updated.

And then I went that evening after the baby was born.

And so it's just been fun to...

You know, I'm one child ahead of her, so I know a little bit more.

And she's been able to ask lots of questions.

But then at the same time, we have a baby the same age.

So we're like, oh, what is...

You know, her daughter's name is Kana.

What is Kana doing now?

Or, you know, this is what Addie's doing.

And it's been really fun.

Really special.

And you both had girls.

Yes, yes.

But yeah, like going back to breastfeeding, like we're still going strong.

And I think my daughter's going to be the one where, like, she's not going to self-ween.

I think she's just going to keep going until I'm done.

And I'm still okay with it at this point.

Like, I'm not at the point to where I'm tired of it.

I still enjoy it.

But she's definitely been more of...

I guess she's more attached to me or just like...

It's weird because right after she was born, she was an amazing self-soother.

Like, she would just lay on her, like, you know, her little docketot or wherever we had put her for the day or during the day and go to sleep.

And I'm like, thank you.

Like, you needed a nap.

But I might not have been able to get there right away.

And she just went to sleep.

And then it switched.

And now it's like, she really won't go to sleep for anyone other than me unless she's pretty tired or has had a good day.

And so she just loves that the bonding time of nursing and, you know, the bedtime routine.

So it's fun.

But at the same time, I'm like, will you please just let me have one night off?

Just one night off.

But and she does every once in a while.

But that swing.

So what do you feel like, you know, from these two experiences, pregnancy and labor and, you know, postpartum, what do you feel like God has taught you through these experiences?

Yeah, I think during like from my first birth, it really taught me just the value of seeing like the futility of our plans, you know, because my plans went out the window with my first birth.

But it was his plan.

You know, what what happened with my son's birth was exactly how God knew it was going to happen.

And we came out of it with a safe, you know, mom and safe baby.

And I'm so thankful for that and a healthy mom and baby.

But just realizing that you can plan all day long, and God can give you the exact opposite of what you plan for, but how there's just so much beauty in being okay with that and resting in his plan.

So, you know, my first birth taught me that.

And going into motherhood just taught me so much more humility and selflessness.

I will say I had more time with my first, because I still worked three days a week right after, or when I went back to work.

So I had, you know, a consistent babysitter.

If I had some cancellations, I could get errands done.

And then I ended up going down to a day and a half, and then now I'm home pretty much full time.

So I had more time to myself with my first, but now that I'm home full time, I don't get that.

And I love being home, don't get me wrong.

Like, I would not trade it for the world.

But going into having two kids is just like really caused me to just surrender everything, you know, just God has given us these beautiful babies as blessings, and it is my highest calling to take care of them.

And just like seeing it as a sanctifying opportunity and an opportunity to be molded more into his image.

My second birth, like the natural, the unmedicated labor just taught me really just full surrender.

And I keep saying that word, but it's the name of the podcast.

So it's very applicable, but just like, you know, meaning on him for the energy to get through the next contraction or the strength to get through the next contraction, or, you know, decisions to be made.

And then just like, I tell people it was a spiritual experience, my unmedicated birth.

You just felt the presence of God in that room.

Just I hate to get like too spiritual with birth, because, you know, there's people who are like, they go the other direction.

They're like, you're opening a portal.

And I'm like, OK, but I just felt like the Holy Spirit was there with us, just protecting us and granting the answer to our prayers.

And it was just such a blessing to be able to get through it and just praise him for his goodness and his grace and just thank him for, you know, answering prayers, because again, like that was my plan, but he did not have to answer that.

And just, yeah, just that surrender led me more into the motherhood of two babies and just for two children, not really two baby babies, but just seeing that at the end of the hard days when I have nothing left to give, I could get more through him.

And the moments where with my toddler now, where we're explaining the gospel more and disciplining more and, you know, wanting to sound like, Oh, God's not going to love you if you don't obey, you know, having to use the correct language of, you know, God loves you so much.

He just doesn't love your sin.

And it's just such a total reliance upon Christ for that, that wisdom and knowledge and grace and mercy and patience and all the words, all the words that you need for motherhood.

I've just I've felt myself soften.

I think that we've like our whole family, we've really journeyed more into like leaning into my femininity and leading into my husband's masculinity.

And that has just brought a change to our home.

But motherhood has also just softened me and given me more compassion for, you know, being there for new moms who might not have the support I had or just showing up with coffee in hand saying, let me fold your laundry or let me do your dishes or and then being on the flip side of that of accepting that help.

You know, I had a friend come over and she sat there and folded laundry while we talked.

And that was hard at first because, you know, you want to say, oh, I can do it all.

I've got it, you know, and just being vulnerable and being able to offer that help and that love and that support.

And then I've learned too of like, we are all on different journeys.

Like I am passionate about this topic and passionate about unmedicated birthing and natural living, but not everybody's going to agree with me on that.

And just supporting all my friends and whoever I know in what they're deciding to do and how they're living and just loving them anyway.

And I probably before I had kids would be more tempted to be like you, you shouldn't do that.

Like that's not good.

But now it's just, you know, this is what worked for me and my family.

You do what works for you and your family.

And just offering grace in that area too.

And it's been such a wonderful experience to just see my husband become a dad and then become a girl dad.

He's amazing with both my son and my daughter, our daughter.

He's just so helpful.

He jumps in half the time.

I don't even have to ask for his help.

Or even if I do, he's kind of already there and he knows he needs to do, going to ask for and, and, you know, now that our son is getting older, he's doing so well with leading and nightly devotions and explaining discipline really well and just making our kids know that they are loved by both us and their heavenly father.

It's just really special to see that.

Thank you for sharing all of that.

I really loved all those insights.

And even though even though I've been a mom for 10 years, it's like I always need these constant reminders myself from other moms.

And sorry, I'm like sitting here thinking about like, like devotions with our kids and, and discipline and explaining the gospel and all those and how like over the years in different seasons, it has gone, you know, we've had seasons where we've been stronger and seasons where we haven't been as strong in that.

And so that's always, you know, iron sharpens, sharpens iron.

And I appreciate you sharing those things are reminding me, you know, the importance of consistently instilling that in our children.

And I will say, you know, I have learned more to with those seasons, like, it doesn't mean that you're being a bad Christian or it doesn't mean that you've fallen away more, you know, like, I've seen, like, my daughter is a horrible sleeper, we're getting there, but we've had some really hard nights and I have not reacted well in a lot of those hard nights.

And I've come through them and have still seen where God has convicted me of it and grown me through it.

So it's like, you know, I repented of the thoughts and the feelings that I had, but it wasn't in vain, you know, it wasn't like, so like you're saying, not doing devotions, like, I'm sure you're living it out in other areas and your kids are seeing that in other areas.

And so just, you know, being in motherhood and everything has just taught me like, you're growing, you know, if you're in the word, if you're spending time in prayer, he's growing you, it just might not be in ways that you think, or you might not be doing what you think you should, but he's using you no matter what.

So that's right.

Amen.

Well, is there anything else you want to share, any advice you have for any moms or just anything before we wrap up?

Yeah, I think just, you know, advocate is like advocate for yourself.

I will say that day in and day out, you know, educate yourself with, you know, respected, very clear education, or, you know, things that you want to know more about.

But don't just go into labor and birth, you know, talk to your spouse or your partner about what you want.

Talk to your doula.

You know, I'm all for like, I tell people, if you have to, like, not eat out for a month or, you know, save on groceries, like, save money and buy or pay for a doula, they are wonderful.

So I'm all for doula care.

And just, yeah, just just advocate and then just knowing that like you are going to come to a point of total surrender.

You know, if you if you want that, that unmedicated labor, you're going to have to completely surrender and that it does take preparation.

I think at least for me, I don't think I could have gone into it the second time without all the preparation I did.

But and then just motherhood, you know, ask for help, seek out help, advice, wisdom from younger and older people.

You know, the older women are supposed to teach the younger women, but then younger women might have different perspectives that we might be so busy we can't see.

And yeah, just don't be afraid to ask for help.

Don't be afraid to speak out if you know if you if you need support or like even mental support, you know, don't be afraid to say, I'm not doing well, because I've done that to my husband many times I've done that to friends, many times therapy is a wonderful you know, biblical counseling is a wonderful option.

And I don't think that I would be who I am without all the support I've received.

And then just, you know, even if you have to cut on the show, like we try to be a low screen or a low screen home, I won't say screen free, because we are definitely not.

But sometimes I have to cut on the show so I can do my devotions.

And that is totally fine, because that's, you know, benefiting me and my children and my family.

And, and I'll say like, just popped in my head on the side of marriage, like marriage and specifically like having kids together just like softening into my femininity and just leaning into my husband's masculinity has just opened up so much like, just growth and like companionship and joy to where the hard times don't feel as hard because we're in it together.

Or the decisions he make just like, Okay, you know, that's your decision.

All right, I'm not gonna buck up against that.

And I've seen couples who, you know, the wife does not have that support from the husband or the dad, and I've seen the the effects on the other side.

And it's just like, we just have settled in to this comfort of knowing like that person loves me like that person is in this for the long haul with me.

And I might not feel that in this moment, but like in the big picture, he's doing what's best for our family, or we haven't been able to connect in a few days because of our children.

But I know that he still loves me so much, and he's still going to work every day for our family.

And it's just such a great feeling to know that.

So, but yeah, that's just been a blessing to me and my family, and you really just have to find what works for you.

And it's hard, you have to put time in, but it's worth every minute of it.

I agree.

I really appreciate you sharing all of that, your stories, what God's taught you, your advice.

It's all super valuable, and I'm so glad that you were willing to do this.

This has been great.

Thank you for having me.

It's fun to look back and talk about it.

Thanks again for joining us today.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram, or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

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