040 - Learning Positive Self-Talk Through Labor (with Jaylen and Scotlyn Harrison)

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When your birth doesn’t go exactly how you’d expect, it can be a tough pill to swallow, but God can teach us so much through each and every experience, and use it all for His good. Hear how Scotlyn and Jaylen went about preparing for their first child, and how the Lord sent a special helper to them to assist them in getting the birth they desired, as much as they could help it. 

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TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories, Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the Pursuit of Surrendering It All to God.

Let's get started.

Hey, everybody.

I hope you have had a great week, and hopefully by the time this airs, I am having a much better one.

If you listened last week, you know that our family got hit with sickness, and at the time it was just all of the kids, but then I got hit with it too.

I'm still on the tail end of it, just trying to get rested and get my strength back and get my appetite back, mainly for my milk supply, honestly, because my milk supply tanked during all of that.

But when this airs, it'll be Memorial Day, so happy Memorial Day to everybody.

We have actually had plans for Memorial Day since before last Memorial Day.

My husband was invited to play music for a wedding for a friend of ours down in Wilmington, North Carolina.

And so we've had that marked off on our calendars for over a year, and it was going to be our first weekend away from my youngest, Indy.

He's almost eight months now, so that's a pretty big deal.

It was going to be our first alone time together since almost a year ago, early last June.

So we've really been looking forward to it.

And just, you know, I feel like the enemy preys on experiences like that sometimes when he knows there's going to be something good in it for you, you know, some spiritual revival or revival in your marriage.

Not that our marriage needs revived as much as it's just going to be wonderful to have some alone time with my husband and connect with him in ways that I can't do when there are five kids running around.

And I feel like he has done everything in his power to try to prevent this weekend from happening or going smoothly between all the sicknesses for the kids and myself.

I'm recording this before we leave town, but just I mean, when I say I have zero energy, I mean, I have zero energy to get up off the bed and walk to the bathroom is like makes me dizzy.

So I'm just trying to gain my strength.

Also my husband who is singing and playing guitar this weekend for this wedding, he sliced his finger off.

I mean, not his whole finger, the tip of his finger off last weekend.

And he's been dealing with that injury and he has to, you know, play guitar with it and not just the strumming side, but the, I'm not a musician, what's the other side called?

Oh, baby would be so disappointed in me right now.

You know, the one where you play the chords and your hands are, I'm thinking about Phoebe from Friends with all of her different hands motions when she says, old lady.

If anyone's a Friends fan, you understood what I just said.

And if not, you're totally confused, but that's okay.

Anyways, it's that finger, his pointer finger on his left side.

So and then we've just had challenges organizationally leading up to this and things going on at our house right now, apart from sickness that have just jumped in the way of trying to get ready for this trip.

And so who one big prayer that Chris does not get sick because he's the last man standing and he's got a big important job this weekend.

But anyways, that's just a two second actually three and a half four minute peak into our life right now.

But let's you you came here to listen to a birth story and this is a great one.

So let's go ahead and jump in to this week's episode.

I hope your week has been amazing.

When your birth doesn't go exactly how you'd expect, it can be a tough pill to swallow.

But God can teach us so much through each and every experience and use it all for his good.

Hear how Scotlyn and Jaylen went about preparing for their first child and how the Lord sent a special helper to them to assist them in getting the birth they desired as much as they could help it.

Welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and I have one of my favorite couples with me today.

I'm so excited for them to share their story.

Why don't you all go ahead and just introduce yourselves?

Tell us who you are, a little bit about you so we can get to know you better.

I'm Scotlyn.

Yeah.

Let's see, a little bit about us, children of the Lord, you know, that guy.

Parents to our sweet little boy, Apollos.

And I don't know, what about us?

We love anime.

Yeah, we love to watch anime.

We have been married for almost two years.

In April, it will be two years.

And yeah, we live in Graham, kind of near Burlington.

And I'm working part-time right now at a landscaping company.

Never saw myself doing that, but it's where the Lord has me right now.

And it's good.

And yeah, I mean, we love to be outside anytime that we can.

Love to drink coffee.

That's my thing.

Not really Jaylen's thing.

Yeah, no, I don't like coffee, unfortunately.

Is there beverage you do like?

I love hot chocolate, I love tea, I love matcha, boba, anything but coffee, pretty much, yeah.

And diet drinks.

She loves diet coke and all that.

I just can't do it.

But we met at church.

We met at definition of like summer of 2020.

That's how we kind of got to know each other.

Not really at the church.

I was going to say, we weren't meeting summer of 2020.

True.

You're right.

But we met at the park.

Well, we first met at Lake Daniel Park.

We were playing like volleyball and stuff there during the summer.

So we met through that, kind of through the young adult ministry and stuff.

So that's how we first connected.

You're not the first couple I've heard who've met through the young adult ministry at volleyball outside and ended up getting married.

Yeah.

It was like, you know, we were all really craving connection at that time.

Yeah, I had a buddy who we were throwing a surprise party for him in the park, and I got there.

I'm not an early person, I get to things pretty late regularly.

But got there for that before he showed up, which was great.

And when I did show up, I was looking for other people who were supposed to be part of the party.

I saw Chris Carson, you know, and Maddie and a couple of others.

And so I was like, oh, you know, these are some people that I know.

And then these other people must just be other friends of this guy.

And so I just went over.

And then Chris told me that, you know, this is, you know, not the group of people, unfortunately.

Wrong group.

You were there as an intern helping high schoolers transition to college.

Like it was a small group for that.

And yeah, so I met her briefly then.

But then when we officially like, you know, had our first conversation and whatnot, it was at Chris Carson's house at the time.

And we decided to like put on a prayer night and worship night, you know?

And we decided to do that on Wednesday nights.

And the very first one is when we met.

Yeah.

And it was pretty cool.

Pretty good time.

So Chris Carson is a part of your story a little bit.

Oh yeah.

Shout out to Chris Carson.

Young Adult Director at Definition Church.

Exactly.

If you guys ever need a spouse.

Can you say that he believed in us from the beginning?

He kind of questioned if it would work out, but you know, he's still a part of our story.

He was like suggesting her to me.

We had a...

Chris and I went to get coffee, finally enough.

Ironically.

I was just drinking some water.

And yeah, he was asking me, he was like, so are there any girls on the Jaylen radar, the Jaydar?

And I was like...

Yeah.

And before I could answer, he was just like, what about Scotlyn, bro?

And I was like, whoa.

Kind of match made us, yeah.

Well, it worked.

It did.

It did.

Now I have a baby.

Yeah.

So cool.

Well, let's talk about that baby.

Yes.

So y'all got married in April of 2022.

And so how long then, I guess, until you got pregnant?

So was that like a very intentional plan to pregnancy?

So we were doing the natural cycles, you know, and we were keeping up with that.

It worked for us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it worked perfectly.

Until we decided we didn't want to prevent anymore, so it did work for us.

Some people question whether or not it works, but yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, it worked pretty well, for sure.

And yeah, we just kind of came to this point.

We didn't talk too much about it.

It was just like, no, we're not going to prevent today.

Yeah, not going to prevent, you know.

Why not?

Yeah.

And so it wasn't too long, you know.

Yeah.

It was about a month from when we decided we weren't going to prevent anymore, and I kind of stopped tracking my cycle.

And then my period was late the next month.

So it was like December, early December, we think, like when...

22.

You know.

So yeah, it was around Christmas time that my period was late, and I was like, okay, if we take a pregnancy test on Christmas, that would be fun to see.

And it hadn't been long that we'd been not preventing, so I knew that I wouldn't really be disappointed if it was negative, because it hadn't been long at all.

So I didn't want to ruin Christmas day if I was sad, but I was like, it's only been a month, so we could take a pregnancy test, and if it is positive, that would be exciting.

So he went and got me a pregnancy test and put it in my stocking on Christmas.

We kept talking about getting a test, and then we never went to the store to get one.

And so it was like, I was last minute Christmas shopping, and I decided to go and grab that as well.

And she was like, Christmas Eve, she was like, oh man, we forgot to get a test.

And I was like, you know, it'll be fine, we can just take one after, you know.

And yeah, she got to see that on Christmas morning.

So it was positive then?

It was positive.

The very first pregnancy test I ever took in my life was positive.

So that was exciting.

We actually looked at it together at the same time.

We just waited to look at it, and then we looked at it at the same time.

And it was definitely a moment of shock just seeing the positive there and being like, our whole life is not going to be the same ever again.

So that was exciting.

But we immediately called our friends, Matthew and Monica, that go to church with us.

We immediately called them.

They're in our community group too.

And they lead it.

They had called us when they were pregnant, when they found out they were pregnant.

So we were like, we were going to call them and tell them that we were pregnant.

And we just, you know, it's hard to like contain it when you're so excited.

So we were like, we'll just call them.

There's like safe people to tell, you know, we just wanted to talk about it.

Yeah.

So we told them and it was really sweet.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Matthew started crying and that was, yeah, that was precious.

Because we knew that, like, we would be kind of going through that season of life together with them too.

So they were getting ready to have Jet.

Yeah, they were getting ready to have him.

And yeah, so it's just it's sweet because we have kind of gone through that journey of like pregnancy and going into parenthood together in a lot of ways.

So that's been really cool.

You know, we kind of waited a little bit to tell our family.

So it was exciting on Christmas because we were just like keeping that secret.

Like, we know we're pregnant, but no one else knows.

So it was really sweet.

Yeah.

And they kept asking her, like, you know, what I got her for Christmas.

Oh, baby.

Yeah, so we had to, we were trying to keep that shut, you know.

I remember talking to you, Scotlyn, at church when y'all were, I think you were engaged and we were talking about babies and all this stuff.

And I remember we were standing in a circle of women, and I don't remember who else was there.

I just remember you saying, I can't wait to be a mom.

And I'm so excited to have kids one day.

And maybe we'll wait, like you said, maybe we'll wait a year after we get married.

But if it happens before then, I would be happy, like something like that.

And then you were talking about maybe wanting to do a natural birth and all these things.

And I was just like, in my heart, I was like, I am so excited for this girl right now.

That's funny because I don't even remember saying all that.

But I was overflowing with excitement to have babies.

And I think you guys were probably like a month out from getting married or something.

And I just remember being like on Cloud 9 free.

It's always stuff like, I just, I'm so excited when people become parents for the first time.

It's just, well, and get married, of course.

And it's just, it's life changing in the best way.

For sure.

So how did the pregnancy go?

Is it smooth?

Any bumps in the road?

It was smooth physically up until the end.

But first trimester, I dealt with a lot of depression.

It hit pretty hard for some reason, and I really was not expecting that at all.

I know that I was kind of preparing myself for, okay, people go through postpartum depression.

Maybe I would be someone who would deal with that.

But I had never really dealt with a lot of depression in my life.

So being hit with it so hard in first trimester was really hard because I wanted to be excited for everything.

And it was just really hard too.

But physically, I felt good.

I was a little nauseous, but I didn't really have vomiting.

I just threw up one time during the pregnancy when I had a stomach bug.

So other than that, it was just, I had nausea and I had to eat pretty constantly.

I would be snacking all day.

And I know I was texting you about that too.

What can I eat to not feel so nauseous?

But I think some of that is just part of it.

But yeah, I didn't have a lot going on physically.

I felt really good.

And then second trimester, the depression just kind of went away.

Literally, as soon as I hit 14 weeks, it was like, bye depression.

I feel good now.

So it was really weird and hard to deal with because it was just like clockwork.

Immediately, it just went away.

And I was like, okay, I guess we're good now.

I don't know what-

Did nausea and depression go away at the same time?

Yeah, I mean, my nausea pretty much went away second trimester too.

So that was all hormonal then.

Yeah, I think it was all hormonal.

It wasn't something that lasted, which I was grateful for.

It was just a short time that I dealt with that.

But I struggled mentally just because I was so used to having a greater capacity to do things.

And I was at work and I would just feel useless because I have no energy.

I'm so used to being go, go, go, and I can just get stuff done and connect with people.

And I was just having a hard time with all of that because I was currently working at the church as a resident.

And it was a very busy schedule, and we were with people all day.

And it was really hard to be pregnant and do that to the extent that I was before.

And I couldn't, so I really had to get humbled and just realize that I needed to ask for help, and I couldn't do all the things that I was used to doing.

And I just didn't have the capacity that I did when I wasn't pregnant, so that was hard.

But it was good, learning experience.

I guess one thing you didn't like were cankles.

Yeah, towards the end of the pregnancy, I dealt with a lot of swelling.

That was really uncomfortable.

I mean, it was bad swelling.

And it kind of got to the point where, yeah, mostly my legs and feet.

But then I started having some high blood pressure readings and stuff at my OB appointments, which I guess I need to talk about how we went about that during the pregnancy and stuff.

But anyway, towards the end, I was dealing with high blood pressure, and they were kind of monitoring me for maybe preeclampsia, which I didn't end up getting diagnosed with it because I never had protein in my urine or anything.

But I did have some floaters in my vision and stuff and headaches, and I had the upper right rib cage pain, upper right abdomen pain, and then high blood pressure too.

So it was like I had a lot of symptoms that they were kind of monitoring me for.

Yeah, but up until right before you were going to get monitored for it, you didn't say that you had had any floaters, because we had talked about the different symptoms and everything, but then it was like right before, you were like, okay, I have some.

I did have some, but I was like, I wonder if I had been having them before, and I just didn't notice, because when I was more aware of it, there was some floaters happening in my vision, but it wasn't anything too bad.

I just had some NSTs, like non-stress tests towards the end.

They were kind of monitoring me to see if they wanted to induce me or not, but then they ended up just, my blood pressure was stable enough to where they decided not to do that.

Yeah, the first time we went in, it was just under that threshold of too high of a blood pressure.

It was just under there.

But then the next time that we went in, everything was perfect.

It was normal, blood pressure, heart rate, all those different things.

And so, yeah, we were just like, all right, cool.

Because it was earlier than we were wanting it to be.

I mean, you weren't full term, obviously.

And so, I was a camp director at the time, and so I was talking to the board members, and I was like, hey, we just went in for this NST, and her readings are a little high.

Next time we go in, it could be a problem.

We might have to get in deuce, who knows?

But then things ended up working out.

Yeah, and that few days before I actually ended up going into labor, I was really, really emotional.

I don't know if it was hormones or just the thought of I'm actually about to have a baby.

But I think it was also our plans were kind of, it felt like getting up ended, I guess you could say, because we weren't sure if I was going to go in for the NST, and then they were going to keep me because I needed to be in deuce.

They always left it up in the air.

Maybe the next time you come, you might not go home, so you should always bring your hospital bag.

So I was just so anxious.

I had this one day, a few days before going into labor with him, and I was literally crying the entire day.

I just could not stop crying.

It was the craziest thing.

I've never dealt with that much emotion in my life.

I just could not get it under control.

And I think it was partially hormones, but also, I don't know, a lot just to take in, thinking my birth plan might not work out the way I wanted it to and just thinking about bringing a whole child into the world and then all the hormones.

It was just a lot.

Yeah.

But it's all good.

So how did you go about planning your birth and getting care and all of that?

What was that experience like?

Well, we got to go through that class with you, which was great, and just learning a whole bunch of different things, just being informed about different processes, different ideas for the plan.

And so we had talked about a few different things, like didn't want to be induced, if we could help it, didn't want to have any of the pain medication or the epidural or anything, wanted to do it all natural.

I forgot there were a few other things that we had talked about, but we didn't end up putting together a list until just...

Shortly before.

Yeah, just before.

But I guess we should talk about the OB too.

I started off at Wendover OB-GYN, and I had just gotten really good recommendations about that.

People told me it was a great place, and they had midwives, which I wanted to see midwives if I could.

I started out with an OB, though, and I was going to transfer to a midwife, because I was also interested in doing a water birth in the hospital, because I knew that at Cone you could do that.

But we ended up running into issues with insurance, like halfway through the pregnancy, I guess.

We thought that I was going to be covered under my mom's insurance for maternity stuff, but it ended up not being the case.

And it was just a lot.

So we ended up switching to a different OB that was at the same hospital that my mom works at, the doctor's office across the street from there.

And it was a pretty good experience.

I don't think, I mean, when we first transferred, we had a really hard time because they just, you know, it was like, I guess typically how you would think of an OB office.

Like at Wendover, I felt very cared for.

Like I felt like they, especially the OB we were seeing, she was very like thoughtful and explained things.

And I realized that that's not really a normal experience for an OB.

But the one we transferred to was very like just cut to the chase.

Like, do you all have any questions?

And we're like, we don't know.

Yeah, so we, because of insurance stuff, we ended up switching to another OB in Eden.

Yeah, she was under her mom's insurance, and then her mom switched what insurance she was on.

And so we thought that she would still be covered and that it was going to actually be a lot cheaper when we went to this new place because of the new insurance.

But then things did not turn out that way, which is unfortunate.

But we didn't know that until we were in the process for a little while.

Actually, until pretty close to being born.

Yeah, so y'all were in Reedsville at the time.

Yes, so Eden wasn't that far from us.

It was about the same distance as if we had come to Cone.

So that part wasn't that bad.

But yeah, I mean, we had a pretty typical experience with the OB.

It wasn't a bad experience.

I think it took me a while to get used to the fact that they wouldn't really explain things very well.

Since it was our first baby, we didn't really have a clue about things.

We were in the process of reading our own stuff and getting educated and stuff about how it all worked, but we kind of just didn't know what we didn't know.

And so they would ask us, do you have any questions?

And then that would just be that.

And we'd be like, I don't think so.

We don't really know.

We don't know what to ask.

Yeah, we didn't really know what to ask.

But throughout the pregnancy, we also were trying to, or I was reading a ton.

I read just stuff online, but also I read Animes Guide to Childbirth, and I really loved that.

And that helped me a lot.

I listened to a ton of birth story podcasts and stuff.

Other podcasts before yours was a podcast.

Now I listen to yours every week.

And you watched so many.

I watched stuff.

I was trying to get as much taken and all in, how many outcomes there could be, which I think was really helpful to just know that every birth is different.

And I was going for a natural birth.

We talked about that throughout.

And I wanted to be open to the idea of getting an epidural or going the pain meds route, because I was just like, I don't know, I didn't want to close myself off to that and then be in just the worst place ever.

And not just, I don't know, I was having a hard time going full in on the, I'm going natural and I'm not going to take any pain meds or anything.

I was like, well, if I get in there and it's really hard and I'm just not sure, then maybe I'll go for it.

But my plan going in was to go naturally.

So before going into labor, we met, so I went in for one of the NSTs at the hospital, and this was like the Saturday before I went into labor, which went into labor the following Tuesday.

And this Saturday, I went in for the NST, and we met this nurse there who was amazing.

And she was like, we didn't know if she would be on shift whenever we were having our baby, because we were hoping that we wouldn't be induced.

So we were like, we don't know if she'll be there, but we just pray that she's there, you know?

Because she was advocating for us, and she looked at our birth plan and knew that we wanted to go naturally and wanted to keep the interventions to a minimum.

And she was very understanding about that and excited about that even.

She described herself as the crunchy nurse on her floor or her unit and stuff.

So it was cool because we got to know her and bond with her a little bit.

And so we were just really hoping that she would be there when we had the baby.

And she was.

So that was a really big blessing, which we'll talk about more.

So the Saturday we went in for the NST, and then you mean when we went in to the hospital to have him?

I guess that was, yeah.

Okay, so tell us about how you went into labor.

How we went into labor, yeah.

So I was 39 weeks in two days.

It was a Tuesday morning, and it was like 7.30.

I woke up to my water just in the bed, big puddle.

And I was like, I'm having a baby now.

I was so excited and probably just too giddy, because even though I read all these stories about how it could be different, I just thought my baby's coming in the next few hours because my water's broken, so that's just, it's happening.

So I was really excited.

I got in the shower and was so giddy.

I was like, oh man, this is happening.

So pretty much that whole day, sorry, go ahead.

I was just going to say, I was a camp director, and so we were living on a camp property at this time.

So that's important for something else, I'll say in a minute.

Yeah, yeah.

So yeah, the 7.30 was my water broke, and then immediately put on the depends, because I was just leaking all day.

And so I was like, we were just, I wasn't of the mind that we needed to immediately go to the hospital, because I wasn't having contractions and stuff.

So I was like, okay, we'll just wait it out, and hopefully my body will sort of kick it into gear throughout the day, and then we won't need to, I still wanted to stay at home and labor at home as much as I possibly could.

That was the plan.

So since I wasn't having really intense contractions, I was like, okay, we'll just try to do some things to get it going.

So we went and got some food.

We went to Chick-fil-A and got breakfast, and then we came back home, and we just walked around a bunch.

We walked probably a good few miles.

Yeah, not all at once, but we did go on a couple of walks.

And then we also had a dog, so she got a lot of good outside time at that point.

She probably had the best day of her life because we were outside all day.

We walked over to the other side of camp, and there's a tractor that we would use for camp, to take the kids from one side to the other.

So it had this big old trailer with hay on it on the back.

And so since that was on the other side, and I needed to bring it back and then get everything, like take the trailer off and whatnot.

Since he knew he was about to be off for a couple weeks, since we were about to have a baby, he was trying to get the last minute camp stuff done.

So I'm literally hopped up in the back of the trailer, in the tractor, and in labor, early labor.

So I was having some mild contractions, but they were very, very mild.

And inconsistent.

Yeah, couldn't really track them.

And so I was getting kind of frustrated, honestly, throughout the day, because I wanted it to go ahead and kick into gear.

And I was walking a bunch, and I was bouncing on the exercise ball, and I was just like, come on, baby, come on.

And it just wasn't really happening.

Nothing was really happening.

And then I had been texting you throughout the day.

Since we went through the class with you, I was asking a couple questions about it and trying to figure out where I was in the whole process, I guess.

And then we kind of started getting some...

People were calling our family and were texting us and stuff and asking us what we were doing.

And they were kind of concerned that we hadn't gone into the hospital because my water was already broken.

That your water was broken?

Yes.

And I think in the future, I would probably not go into as much detail about how things were going with so many people.

Because it wasn't a lot of people.

It was just our parents, but they didn't necessarily hold the same perspective of you shouldn't.

Their thought is, your water breaks, you go to the hospital immediately.

That's just what their perspective is.

But if you're not in labor.

Yeah, but I wasn't in active labor.

And I was afraid that I'd go to the hospital and they're going to put me on pitocin, which is what happened.

But anyway, at least it was drawing out a little bit more.

And so I think my body at least was a little bit more prepared to go ahead and get it going, because my water had been broken for going on 18 hours at that point.

So anyway, we called around dinner time.

We called the hospital, because we had been talking to some family and stuff, and they were asking us what we were doing and whatever.

So we just talked to the hospital and told them what was going on, basically that my water was broken, but I wasn't having really consistent contractions.

And they were like, first of all, they were not happy that we weren't there yet.

They were not pleased with that.

You don't ever say that.

You can say, I think my water broke if you want to, but I wouldn't tell them what time.

Yeah, so they did put us on a clock.

They were saying they had an 18-hour policy that was basically like, if you...

They want you to come in before that mark.

Yeah, they just wanted you to be there with them before the 18-hour mark from when your water broke.

So that's exactly when we went in.

We went in at 18 hours.

What time of day was that then?

This was about midnight.

So we slept for maybe, we went to bed at like 10, and we slept for like an hour and a half, and then we woke up and we're like, okay, let's go to the hospital.

So I was at the same point.

I wasn't really having consistent contractions.

I had really mild ones, but I could barely even feel them.

So I went in at about midnight, and then they took me upstairs in the wheelchair, as they do at the hospital, but I was perfectly fine.

And then they started an IV, which was not something that I really wanted, but...

Like of fluids?

Yeah, fluids.

But shortly after, started Pitocin.

So it was about a couple hours.

We had been there for a couple hours before they started me on Pitocin.

They started Pitocin at 3 a.m.

And then it got crazy after that, because it pretty much, within probably like 30 minutes of them starting Pitocin, I would say, I was definitely in active labor.

I just started having very consistent contractions.

They were a little more than mild, but they weren't as bad as later on.

They got progressively, obviously, they got progressively worse.

With your water already being broken and being on Pitocin, that's going to make for some pretty intense contractions.

And I was having them mostly in my back.

It was more so my back was in pain than anything else.

It wasn't really the front.

So, yeah, we started active labor around like three, and then I was, for that next few hours, like not having a good time at all.

I was having a hard time coping.

Like mentally, I was just not in a good place, and it was just hit me really hard, and all of a sudden, and I was really struggling.

And so throughout that few hours, there was one nurse, or like I had a couple of nurses that were on shift at that point, not including the one who we had met that Saturday before.

So that night was different nurses, and then she came in early morning the next morning.

So, but 3 a.m.

to about 6.30-ish was really rough, because I didn't have like really support, besides like my mom and Jaylen were there.

And I'm really grateful for that, because they prayed over me a lot, and were very encouraging.

But it was like they didn't really have tools to help me cope with the pain, besides just like talking me through it, and talking me through it was not really working, because I wasn't reasoning very well at the time.

Did you try counter pressure like we did in class?

Yeah, did counter pressure.

Did you like it?

I didn't like counter pressure.

Some people like it, some people don't.

I remember being like, no, that doesn't really help.

No, that's not for me.

I don't remember how I said it, but I must have not been very nice about it.

But I didn't really like counter pressure.

So at that point, I had started considering pain medication or whatever.

I wasn't thinking about an epidural yet, but I was like, okay, I could think about doing IV pain meds, but they didn't really...

I know we talked about it a little bit in the class, but they didn't really explain to me risks and benefits and stuff like that in the hospital.

It was just like, do you want medication?

And the nurse that we had, I mean, I think she was doing her job well, just in the way that she knows to do it.

I think she was just very traditional or old school.

So I was just laying there in the bed the whole time, didn't move.

And so obviously I'm just not doing well.

I wasn't even moving around.

And that was not the plan.

I wanted to be up and moving.

I didn't really want to have an IV.

Maybe I was open to having the head block thing just in case I needed it, but I didn't really want to be constantly on it.

So anyway, I was just laying in the bed and pretty much in the same position the whole time until Carrie, who was the other nurse, got there at about 6.30 in the morning.

And this was right before I decided I was going to go for the pain meds.

It was about 6, or somewhere around 6 or 6.30.

Jaylen and my mom, they said they were going to pray for me because I was really struggling with, I didn't want to give up on my natural childbirth plan, but I was really not doing well.

And so I was like, I want to do the pain meds, but I also don't at the same time.

So we were praying through it.

And at the end of the prayer, well, you guys, you can talk a little bit about that, I guess.

What you think about it.

So, I guess, what was hard for her, which I know that she has a solid pain tolerance, but at the same time, I told her beforehand that whenever we would do swim tests or whatnot at the camp, there would be this, let's see, 30 seconds that we would do.

It was like the kids had to swim from one end of the pool to the other without touching the bottom and without touching the walls.

And then they had to tread water for 30 seconds, and we would do everybody's at the same time.

And what was hard for some of those kids was, since they weren't strong swimmers, they weren't sure if they were going to be able to tread water as long.

At first, they were like, oh yeah, I can do this.

But then, once we're getting into it, since they don't know how much longer they have, they kind of give up.

Some kids, they would stop right before the timer would go off.

Yeah, exactly.

And other kids, it would just kind of freak them out, and then they just wouldn't go very long, or they just wouldn't do it at all.

So I was telling her that because, since she wanted to do this without medication, I was telling her this is going to be tougher on you than you think, because since you don't know how long you're going to be in this, you may have a strong pain tolerance, but that mental side is going to be hard.

And at first, she didn't really like that I was saying that.

I still don't really like it, even though I know it's true.

Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, while we were there, that was really what was getting to her, is the mental side of things.

Not knowing how much longer you had.

Exactly, because the contractions, they were progressively getting worse.

Part of it was because they were up in the amount of pitocin, because she wasn't kicking into gear on her own still.

It ended up being a low dose.

It was like eight.

Six, I think.

I don't know.

Is it milligrams?

I'm not sure how they do the dosage, but basically, they started it at two, whatever, and then they bumped it up three times, and it was at eight.

And that was enough for me to be fully in labor.

Yeah, they usually bump it up every 30 minutes until they see what they want to see on the monitors for your contractions.

And that's what they did.

And so because they were getting stronger, and she didn't know how long she was going to have to go, she was like, I don't know if I can keep taking this or take worse ones as time goes on if I'm not going to be pushing it.

And so yeah, that was tough on her.

And so we were trying to encourage her and whatnot beforehand and throughout it all.

And just remind her of what the plan was.

But yeah, she wasn't doing so hot.

And so one of the nurses, she came in and...

Is Carrie the nurse?

Yeah, Carrie is a nurse, but it wasn't her time yet.

Yeah, she wasn't on the stage yet.

But this other lady, she came in, and Scotlyn just got finished with one of those rounds of contractions.

And she had come in and saw that Scotlyn was crying because of the pain and everything.

She had asked her if she was okay.

And I don't know if you said no, or if you just said that you were...

I don't remember what I said, but I'm sure it wasn't yes.

Or if you were just like, I'm all right, you know?

Yeah, either way, she suggested that you could do one of those forms of pain.

Like an IV pain medication.

Yeah, that or the epidural.

And then she was kind of trying to talk you into it.

And I was like, man, please don't fall for that.

It's like the angel and devil on your shoulder kind of thing, where it's like, of course, when you're in a lot of pain, and then someone's like, here's this option for you.

I was like, okay, sure, we can do that.

And I still was wrestling with it a bit, but I was definitely leaning more in that direction after she was encouraging me in that direction.

And then it just wasn't, you know, there wasn't someone that was like willing to tell me like, you can do this and you have to kind of thing until the nurse got there, until the other nurse got there.

So, well, anyways, I guess they, like, you guys prayed over me.

And that was like, when I decided like, I feel at peace with like going ahead and getting the medication.

This was at like 630 ish or something in the morning.

A little bit before then.

Yeah.

And then the lady said, okay, you know, she went out and, or I think she radioed or whatever.

Yeah, she was going to get it, like, for me in the IV pain med.

She was literally on her way to get it.

And so she had, right after she did that, then she walked out.

And then we prayed over Scotlyn, and just like, you know, whatever it is that the Lord wanted to do in this moment, you know, however he wanted this to go, whether he wanted her to get the medication or not.

And I forgot, you know, there was some third thing that had come to my mind at that time.

And so yeah, like, we were just praying about that.

And then right after we finished the prayer, Carrie walks in and I was like, that's crazy.

And she said that she had just gotten there a little bit early.

She had some stuff that she needed to do, but she had heard over the, you know, the little radio because she had just gotten there and she had heard that they were supposed to be bringing the stuff in for her.

And she was like, she's like, that's my girl and we're not doing that.

Yeah, exactly.

So she immediately walks in and she's like, we're stopping this right now.

We're not doing this.

She said, if you still want to stick with that birth plan, then just wait for me to get finished with this thing that I have to do first, and I'll come back and help you out.

She was like, can you just hold on for like 15 minutes?

I'm going to finish these notes that I have to do, and then I'm coming back in here.

And she, once she came back in, she did not leave until the baby was born.

Yeah.

Wow.

So she's going to become like your doula.

Yeah, pretty much.

And she was so like, just everything that I needed her to be, even though it was hard for me to hear some of the things she was saying, because she wasn't giving me really the option.

Because she knew that's what I wanted.

And I still have had a little bit of a hard time with like, wow, she really just took my choice away.

But at the same time, I know that that's what I wanted, and I am grateful that she was there because she was willing to get in my face and be like, you have to go through this.

You can't get around it.

You just have to go through, and you don't have that much longer, so you can do it.

And she was just really empowering to help me get out of the headspace I was in, that I'm just suffering, and this is the worst thing that's ever happened, to you can do this, and this is something that you've wanted to do, and your body is doing it right now, and that you will get through.

And so she just pulled me out of that space.

And I still had a really hard time.

I wouldn't say it was great from there on, because obviously I was close to going into transition when she got there.

I mean, it wasn't far off, I guess.

I don't remember if she checked me when she got there to see how far along I was.

Yeah, I think she checked you.

You were at 3D for a while.

But she did a lot of things.

She got me out of the bed and got me on a ball, bouncing on a ball.

She gave me a peanut ball, too.

I was standing, and I went into the bathroom for some contractions.

I was on the toilet.

I was kind of all over the place when she got there, because she really helped me just to advocate for me to move around.

I don't know if this has a specific term, but she would grab my legs and shake them.

Shake them?

Yeah.

Uh-huh, we call it your shaking the apple tree.

Yeah, she did that, and that was very helpful for me.

It helps relax you.

Yeah, that helped a ton.

She was very knowledgeable, obviously, because she was doing all the things, and she was trying a bunch of things, and would just ask me if it was helpful or not.

I'm so grateful for her.

She really did take on a dual type of role, I think, in that space, too.

And then I guess it was around maybe 9 a.m.

I got back to the same point, which is this was probably transition, where I was like, I can't do this anymore.

I have to get the epidural.

Yeah, when it hit about 9 was when she was like, all right, I'm done.

I've got to do something.

And so Carrie was like, yeah, let me check you one last time.

And so she did.

And this girl was nine and a half centimeters.

You were almost there, girl.

And so she was like, you're right here.

Oh, man, I got to go and get the obi.

Let's go get the stuff ready.

She was like, okay, you can do this now.

You're in the home stretch.

And so I was like, okay.

Yeah, she was like, he's here.

It's time.

You're basically done.

And he is here.

Hi.

So that was encouraging.

That was a moment of like, okay, I can do this.

And I mean, I still wasn't very excited about the fact that I had to keep going, but it was good.

But then you knew you didn't have that much longer.

Right.

Yeah.

And I think, I don't know, I've just reflected on it, and I'm hoping that next time around, Lord willing, that we have more children, that I would be able to just prepare more on the mental side of being able to like meditate on truth and being able to deal with it and cope with like the pain in a better way.

I don't know.

I have a hard time with it because on the one hand, I'm just like really proud of myself and like the accomplishment that that is to like go through that without like pain medication.

But also I feel still like kind of disappointed in like how I coped with it.

Like I just felt like I wasn't like as strong as I would have liked to have been.

I will say you were having a pain med free labor.

Yes, but your labor was not natural.

Remember, it was pitocin induced contractions, which are not the same as natural labor contractions.

They are much more intense and synthetic and manmade.

So it operates on your uterus in a way that is a lot more unkind than God's original design.

And your water was broken already.

So you had no cushion, no softening for those contractions.

It was just head on cervix.

And so pitocin contractions with no water are no joke.

Those contractions are so much more intense than natural labor contractions that come about spontaneously when you do still have your water.

So I don't want you to be disappointed in yourself at all for mentally having a hard time with that, because that is a hard, hard, hard thing.

And I am light years proud of you.

When you told me the next day that he was here, and you did it, and yes, you're on pitocin, but you made it, and I knew your water had already broken.

And the first thing that came to my mind was, wow, I cannot believe I am so proud of Scotlyn that she just went through a whole labor without pain medication, without water on pitocin.

Like, that is incredible.

Yeah, I definitely have had a hard time just in processing it and wanting to be proud of myself and kind of being proud of myself.

And then another piece of me being kind of disappointed in how I dealt with it all.

But it was a learning experience, and I never had been through it before, so it was all very new, and I wasn't sure how it would go.

So yeah, I think next time I would do some things differently in preparation and things like that, but also I want to learn to give myself some grace too, and that's not something that comes naturally to me.

So my inner dialogue is usually negative towards myself.

So I think it was an interesting time because it brought out that what's going on in my head is coming out because there's no filter when you're in labor.

So it was very vulnerable.

And I think I just want to learn to be able to speak truth to myself and speak kindly to myself so that when I'm in that space again, I'm able to just lean on the Lord more and trust that what he says about me is true and just be able to declare that over the birth and not give in to the negativity that's in my head.

Which I know that to a degree there's pain involved in it, and that's just part of it.

Well, some people might say that it doesn't have to be that way.

I don't know.

I feel like I wrestle with that.

Does it have to be this way?

Maybe I could have a birth that I wouldn't describe as painful, or at least I wouldn't describe it as suffering, like I would this one.

So yeah, I don't know.

We'll see.

Maybe I'll have another story to tell eventually.

That is more, I guess, redemptive.

But yeah, it was definitely hard and put me to the test a lot mentally.

But anyway, so I guess getting back to how he actually was born, which is exciting, probably the most exciting part of it.

When she told me that I was nine and a half centimeters, I was like, okay, we're in the homestretch now.

So then it was probably about 9, 15, or between 9 and 9, 15 that I started pushing.

And I also think that my body wasn't really ready for that.

I think we started pushing probably a little bit prematurely because I ended up tearing.

I had a second degree tear.

And I just feel like it could have been prevented maybe if I just let my body more so naturally lead me into that, which I don't know how that all works with pitocin.

If it would have been a long time before my body naturally started pushing or if it was also coming soon.

I'm not really sure, but I do know that they kind of started coaching me through pushing and I didn't really feel the urge to push at the point.

It felt somewhat good because I knew I was channeling the pain into something and I could see the progress happening and stuff.

So that really helped me.

They actually brought a mirror in so I could see it.

And that helped a lot just with being able to see the progress and know what I was doing and know how to kind of like where I needed to push and that kind of thing.

But yeah, I wasn't really feeling the urge, I guess.

I really wouldn't describe it as ever feeling the urge.

Like it didn't really feel like I was naturally doing, like my body was naturally doing that.

I felt like I was just doing it and putting a lot of effort into it.

Like you never felt like being super intense pressure that made you feel like I have to push this baby out?

Maybe I did feel pressure, but you hear how people will say like, oh, it felt like my body was like heaving.

Like you have like when you're like vomiting, but the opposite direction.

And I never felt that.

Did you feel that way when he was crowning?

Like when his head was like almost all the way out?

I don't know that I would describe it that way still.

I mean, maybe.

Maybe it was like, maybe there was so much pressure at that point.

I was on my back pushing.

Okay, that could have had something to do with it too.

Maybe.

But they just put me in the normal, you know, like back and the American standard stirrup position.

Yes, very typical, like on my back pushing.

I'm curious too, what it would be like to push in another position.

But I was on my back and it wasn't bad.

Yeah, I definitely was.

That was probably my favorite part of the labor because I felt like in control, like I could like channel what I was feeling into something.

So I wasn't focused as much on the pain because I was focused on, I see the baby's head coming out, so he's coming soon.

And everyone was really encouraging during that time and just really was speaking, like, oh, he's almost here, you're doing so great.

So that was really encouraging.

And it was about, I guess, like 50-ish minutes of pushing, and then he came out.

He came out at 9:53 a.m.

So it was like less than an hour of pushing.

So it wasn't too bad.

And yeah, it was really sweet.

And less than an hour between when you said, I want the epidural, and when he came out.

Yeah, yeah.

So I know that I was like going through transition at that time where I was really desperate for something to help me, you know?

And she also, I meant to mention that Carrie, she like gave me this, she like rolled up a sheet, like really tight, and like I was like playing tug of war with her.

My arms were so sore, like the whole next two days from pulling on that thing so hard, but it like helped me kind of have something to like give me leverage to push.

Yeah, so that helped a lot too.

I would recommend doing that.

Pulling on the sheet.

Yeah, sometimes they'll have you pull like your knees, like behind your knees, like on your legs for leverage.

And then other times, yeah, a sheet is helpful if that's the position you're in, because it's hard like when you're laying down like that to be able to get that friction and leverage that you need to push in that way.

Yeah, but everything was good.

Once he was born, he was perfectly healthy and started crying when he came out and everything.

And then we did get to have a good amount of time, just skin to skin, as soon as he came out.

And that was sweet.

And we did kind of delayed cord clamping.

It wasn't as soon as I guess they normally would do it.

And yeah, it was good.

I mean, everything went well from that point.

I definitely went through a lot of highs and lows emotionally the first couple of days after he was born, which I know is normal.

But I was on a high, major high for the first little bit after he was born.

I just wanted everyone to see him, my accomplishment.

He was so proud.

Yes, I was so proud.

We had tons of family.

We had like 10 or 12 people waiting that just, I didn't even know they were all there, but they all just flooded in whenever he was born.

They all came in.

And I actually, before I had him, I thought I'm not gonna want visitors soon after.

It'll be, I'll probably just want to have private time with just our family and stuff before we have all these visitors.

But I was like, everyone come in, see him.

I was just so excited, so I wanted everyone to see.

But yeah, I mean, it all went really well.

And I guess healing and stuff postpartum went pretty smoothly for me.

Obviously, I had the tear, which I wasn't super happy about.

But I never knew any different, so it wasn't bad.

And it healed up really easily over a few weeks.

So that wasn't bad.

And I feel like I just had a really good postpartum experience.

I did have some emotions with it, of course.

Like everyone does.

But overall, it was really good.

And we had a pretty good time, like breastfeeding, too.

And I've really enjoyed that throughout.

I mean, he's six and a half months old now.

So it's been good so far with breastfeeding him.

I know that you talked about being disappointed in processing and working through that.

But overall, I'm just so happy for you, and proud of you, and excited for your future experiences.

Because I mean, I've had five, and I have learned multiple things in each one.

And every time I've had a birth, I think about how I would do things differently the next time.

And I just had my fifth, and I still have those thoughts.

This is how I would change things for next time.

This is what I would do next time.

Maybe it just doesn't come easily for me, learning all those lessons, but that was your first experience.

And I think overall, I am proud of you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You and Jaylen did a wonderful, wonderful job.

Thanks.

Yeah, I definitely saw the power of prayer during it, and then just having people around me to advocate and to speak truth into me when I wasn't in the right headspace to really do that for myself, like having people around me who could do that was really beneficial too.

What do you feel like the Lord taught you through this experience of becoming a mother, of pregnancy, of childbirth, of becoming a mom for the first time?

What do you feel like the Lord's taught you through this?

I feel like I've learned a lot of things, but I think one big one is just like that I won't do things perfectly, and it's really challenged me because I have been a perfectionist and still am to a degree, but it's helped me like learn that, you know, I'm gonna do some things wrong and I'm gonna do some things that like in parenting, you know, during labor, I look back on it and I'm like, man, I wish I would have done this, but the Lord was still like in all of that and still faithful and He brought it to completion.

Like it didn't have to be, I do everything perfectly.

And then He works through that to do it.

It was like, I did some things wrong and I still am doing, I know that I'm making mistakes.

Like as a parent, like you just do.

And there's things that, you know, we are gonna fail at, but He's still able to bring that all to fruition and make it fruitful and bring things to completion, like in the way that He intends to, regardless of our shortcomings, you know.

So I think that has been really encouraging and like helped me, like kind of like what I was saying before about how I have a hard time giving myself grace of just realizing that, you know, I'm gonna fail and God knows that I'm gonna fail, but He still has chosen me for this role, like of being Apollos' mom and He's still chosen me like as His child and He still loves me, despite all of that, you know, so that there doesn't have to be this like impossible standard that I'm holding myself to in anything, you know.

But I definitely feel like that has been true in birth because I had this like idea of what I wanted it to look like and then I wasn't as strong as I would have liked to have been, you know.

It felt like I was exposed in like my weakness, I guess, which is not fun.

But I think that the Lord taught me that I can still be loved in that place because I was still loved by Jaylen and by my mom and by Carrie, just people who were around me during the birth, they saw me in that place and they still loved me there and still were there with me through all of that, like moments of weakness.

So that was really encouraging.

Do you have any advice for a first time mom out there who you've just been through this experience of getting pregnant, going through pregnancy, going through childbirth and postpartum and breastfeeding for the first time?

So if you could give any advice to a first time mom or Jaylen to a first time dad, what would it be?

I guess what comes to mind for me is, I dealt with a lot of just internal anxiety first couple of months postpartum, of just overthinking everything.

And I don't know if I would describe it as a diagnosis of postpartum anxiety.

I think it was just that I was so afraid of getting it wrong that I wasn't doing...

I would just be paralyzed.

I mean, I still did things because obviously you have to.

Life goes on.

You have to keep changing diapers.

You have to keep feeding.

You have to keep doing the things.

So that helped me, but I would just encourage someone, like a new mom, to try to be in tune with your own instincts and ability to be a mother.

Because I think it was the Holy Spirit leading me in just mothering and knowing how to do that intuitively.

I was so concerned about doing it wrong.

I think I took in too much content, whether it was from people around me, other moms who did it a certain way, or just stuff I read.

I read way too much.

I probably would have just, maybe one piece of advice is just don't go to the internet for parenting advice.

Just try to be in tune with what you know your baby needs.

Just listen to their cues, because they will tell you when they need stuff.

And you're not going to do it all right at first, but you'll figure it out.

Because you have just, intuitively we have, we're designed in a way that we know how to respond to our baby's needs as moms.

So I think I would just say, don't let fear and anxiety get in the way of you being the mother that you were created to be.

Because you are the one who God has chosen to be that child's mom.

He will equip you with what you need to do that.

So I think I would just be a little bit more in tune with the Holy Spirit and His voice into parenting instead of trying to hear everyone else's voice and getting just clouded out.

Because I felt like I wasn't able to really focus and I felt very anxious for the first little bit until I was able to just be like, okay, I can do this.

God will give me what I need to do this, and I just need to stop trying to listen to everybody else and what everybody else thinks I should do.

I have instincts and intuition as a woman and as a mom to parent him.

So I think I would just encourage a new mom to be more in tune with that and not worry about messing it up so much.

Man, you're preaching.

I love that.

I'm so proud.

That makes me so happy to hear you say that.

Thanks.

And do you have first-time dad advice?

To all you fellas out there, something I've heard from a few different people who are young parents, they end up finding out later on, you know, that they've been having a hard time with their connection with one another and also just their relationship with the Lord.

And so I would say that, you know, especially as young dads, young husbands, you know, just keep that priority, you know, first, you know, because you're not going to be able to lead your family effectively if, you know, if he isn't first, if he isn't being pursued, you know, you won't be able to properly pursue your wife and kid.

And so like that would be the way that you grow in your wisdom and discernment and service and all of that stuff.

And so, yeah, if you're doing that, then yeah, you're chasing the right path, you know, so.

Thank you all so much for coming and doing this today.

Especially amidst baby nap times, I know.

That can be hard.

Yeah, thanks for having us.

For sure, yeah.

I'm grateful to be here.

Thanks again for joining us today.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

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