038 - Mother's Day Special: Tips, Tricks & Advice for Moms (with Kayla Heeter and Friends)

LISTEN TODAY:

Click Here to Listen on Apple Podcasts
Click Here to Listen on Spotify

The Surrendered Birth Stories Podcast is available anywhere you listen to podcasts. You can also scroll to the bottom of this page for an embedded podcast player.

SHOW NOTES:

Several listeners chime in with their best tips, tricks, and advice for moms! Join us today as we learn and grow together!

Want to connect with us? Have a question?
Shoot us a DM at @surrenderedbirthservices on Instagram, and give us a follow while you're there!

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the Pursuit of Surrendering It All to God.

Let's get started.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome to another episode of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and today, it's just me, except actually it's like 10 other people, because we are going through your favorite tips and tricks as moms for the seasons of pregnancy, labor, early postpartum, and postpartum early motherhood, motherhood, all the things, just any tips or tricks for the moms out there in celebration of Mother's Day.

Happy belated Mother's Day.

I know this comes out the day after Mother's Day, but happy Mother's Day to everybody out there.

It is a day that became a lot more special to me once I became a mother, being grateful for my own mother, and then just having the honor and privilege of being a mother myself.

If you have not listened to this show before, welcome.

We're glad you're here.

Please go and listen to our other birth story episodes, because we mostly do birth stories, sometimes some birthy topics in education, but mostly birth stories.

But if you're enjoying it, please go leave us a positive five-star raving review of this show.

We're trying to get this show in front of more people so more people can hear these beautiful, God-centered birth stories.

Also, if you just share this show with somebody that you know, a mom, somebody who's pregnant, somebody who's thinking about getting pregnant, somebody who has a baby, anybody you can think of in those, you know, seasons of life, we would love if you could share this show with them.

That would mean the world to us.

I have a quick little Mother's Day story I was going to share from my family growing up from Mother's Day.

So I remember my mother was living in Ohio.

She had gotten a new job, and we were still living in West Virginia.

We were trying to finish out the school year before we moved up to be with her.

So we went to visit her on Mother's Day weekend.

And my brother, sister, and I were very young.

I think I was in first grade.

My sister was in kindergarten.

My brother would have been fourth grade.

So we decided that we wanted to make her breakfast in bed for Mother's Day, and that was a really special way we could show her.

And then we continued that tradition on for years to come, but we wanted to make her breakfast in bed all by ourselves.

So we let her sleep in, and we were just in this tiny little apartment that she had.

And we went to go make her scrambled eggs and toast, like, you know, just poppin toast in the toaster.

And I think we tried to make her coffee, too.

I'd have to ask her about that, but I'm pretty sure we tried to make her coffee.

Anyways, I knew that we were supposed to put milk in scrambled eggs, and that's how you made it.

When we went to go get the milk, we couldn't find any regular white milk.

There was only chocolate milk in the fridge.

So we got the chocolate milk and made her chocolate milk scrambled eggs, and we absolutely burnt the toast.

I'm not sure it was, like, completely black on both sides, but, I mean, it was visibly smoking, so it was pretty burnt.

And I'm sure we totally screwed up the coffee.

There's no way we could have gotten that right, because I don't think anyone had ever taught us how to make coffee.

We just saw her drink it every morning and knew, you know, where the grounds were and where the coffee maker was.

So, but we did our best, and then we brought it into her, you know, woke her up, said, Happy Mother's Day, brought it to her in bed.

And she was very sweet to eat it, even though I'm sure it was the nastiest breakfast that she has ever had.

But I think my siblings and my mom and I all remember that Mother's Day just because of the chocolate milk eggs and the burnt toast and the what I'm sure was super nasty coffee.

Oh, Mother's Day.

Okay, so let's get into our tips and tricks that we have.

We have had other moms, some who've been on the podcast and some who just listened to the podcast, who have recorded a message and sent it in for us to give you their favorite tips and tricks for moms.

And I have one too, but I'm going to save mine for last.

During pregnancy and even after postpartum, I would say try to move in some way, do some lunges, go for a walk, try to get some outside time, easier said than done when you're feeling exhausted, but try to move in some way.

It'll make you feel a lot better and it'll actually give you more energy in the end.

Yes, yes, yes, I agree with this.

And as hard as it is, especially in early pregnancy, maybe when you're nauseous or throwing up, or even like in late pregnancy, when you're just really fatigued and everything hurts, like your hips and your back and everything, still moving your body is going to be the best thing for you, especially for labor prep.

Whether it's like walking or lunges or stairs, I know it sounds exhausting, but it's going to prep your body to go through labor.

And in postpartum, once you have healed and spent your few weeks like resting and laying in bed and just recovering from the birth, getting up and moving again is going to be super important.

Getting outside, just making sure that you're not experiencing like the cabin fever where all the days run together and you don't know what day is what.

It will just help kind of lift the fog and help with your circadian rhythm, just like getting outside and getting your eyes and like the natural sunlight.

Going for a light walk, something leisurely, nothing like, you know, extensive or exhausting or, you know, like you're trying to intentionally hardcore exercise, but just something to move your body around and get out of the house a little bit.

I agree, that is so helpful.

And the more you do it, the better you feel, and it just sort of dominoes from there.

My number one tip for all those women who are expecting about to give birth or embarking on their postpartum season is to view it as an individual adventure while surrounded by the support of hopefully a spouse, a family, and lots of friends.

Research the choices that you want to make that feel right to you and your health history and your body and your convictions.

And then once you've made those decisions and have made peace with those decisions, follow through.

If unexpected circumstances arise, be willing to be flexible and trust the Lord.

If it all kind of goes according to plan and there aren't any major hiccups, do not hesitate to ask other people for help and support as you try to live out those decisions.

Your pregnancy, your childbirth experiences, your postpartum season is going to be uniquely suited to the journey that God has designed for you.

No one else will have experienced anything exactly like you.

He's passed you the torch.

He wants you to go through this, to learn about love and motherhood.

And you are strong, so much stronger than you think you are.

Just never be too afraid to ask for help.

Yes, this is so, so true.

It is definitely unique for each individual person, as they're going through these very special seasons of pregnancy and birth and postpartum.

And I would say even more so, it's even different in each pregnancy.

So like if you have multiple pregnancies, and you have multiple children and experiences, I would say even those experiences can differ from one another.

So maybe what you planned for one pregnancy won't be what happens the next time, or vice versa.

Like what you planned the first time didn't happen, but can happen the next time.

So I do agree.

You have to give yourself grace and know that you are your own person, and this is your own experience that you're walking through, and God has designed your experience specifically for you.

And He will use it for your good and for His glory.

And so trusting Him in that plan, whatever that plan may be.

And then, like she said, being able to ask for support from the people around you for those plans, and then for what actually happens.

So not being, you know, hesitant to reach out to others, and to ask for help or to advocate for yourself in those situations, but always making sure that the people you are surrounding yourself with, that they have your support, and that they are helping you.

Because it is a season where even though it is super empowering, and you feel like you can have a lot of strength from this season, it is also a season to use your community and your village and their assistance and what they're able to do to help you, whether it's during pregnancy or birth or early postpartum, for sure.

One of the things I would suggest and highly, highly recommend, if you are a mom transitioning to more than one baby, meaning you have one and you're getting ready to have two or three or four, one thing I would recommend making a decision about before you move into this newborn stage is decide that I am going to eat one meal without getting up from the table.

Whether that's breakfast, lunch, or dinner, it normally helps if your partner is home for that particular meal.

But telling your other children, mommy's going to sit down and I'm going to eat from start to finish without getting up to get you water, a napkin, a fork, something else of unimportance that can wait until you have completed the meal in which you sat down to eat.

It's one of those like small boundaries that helped me so much in those early postpartum balance and continues to with three little children who are constantly wanting attention and needing something from me.

So this is a lesson that I definitely haven't learned yet.

So I'm super glad you brought this up.

I tell my husband sometimes when he gets home, I haven't sat down yet today other than to pee and other than to nurse.

Or maybe if we had to drive somewhere real quick, it's like those are the only times I was sitting down is if I was forced to be sitting down.

I never like sat down intentionally.

And there are many days that go by like that.

But this is a good tip.

This is good because often also if we're constantly getting up, you know, during a meal for our kids or for all their different needs, you may not even eat your meal or you may not eat as much of it.

And I'm so guilty of that.

My husband will sometimes come home for lunch in the middle of the day, and he'll say, have you eaten yet?

And I'm like, no, definitely not.

I've not taken a moment to eat.

I may be fixed lunch for everybody else, but I'm, you know, so concerned with getting everything else done for everybody.

And just for our house and stuff that I often forget to sit down and eat, which especially is not great, you know, when you're nursing too.

It's never great, but especially if you're pregnant or nursing, it's even more important that you're eating.

So that is great advice.

You know what?

I did do that the other day.

Actually, I've done this a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, where I made, I think it was breakfast one day and lunch another day.

And I was with all my boys, and I was sitting down to eat my breakfast.

And they said, but mama, I want you to make me some oatmeal, or I want you to cut me some apples.

And they, granted, they had already had breakfast.

This was their second breakfast.

And, you know, everyone knows about second breakfast.

And so I was sitting down eating my first breakfast, and I said, boys, I have to eat.

I have to eat.

And if I don't eat, nobody's going to be happy.

Which is true.

That is definitely a trigger for me, is being hungry.

My rope is shortest when I'm hungry.

Yeah, when I'm tired, but more so when I'm hungry.

And thankfully, my husband has learned this about me over the years, and he will approach me with food if he can sense that I am on edge at all.

He tries to make sure that I eat, which I really appreciate because sometimes I forget.

My best advice for moms through pregnancy, postpartum, and really all through motherhood, is to listen to your God-given mother's intuition.

Even if you're a first-time mom, you have it.

It's there.

You just have to find it and listen to it and know when to trust it versus any outside advice that you're getting.

Okay, this is so important.

Listening to your intuition, your gut, the Holy Spirit, it is so important because in the world that we live in and with the access to all the information that we have, there is so much out there.

And 99% of the time, there's 100 different ways to do something, and everyone thinks you should do it a different way.

And so I teach this in my class too.

We talk about listening to your mama gut, listening to the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit gives you that intuition that God places that inside of you, that instinct for your children, and that you have to listen to that and don't second guess yourself.

Whether it's what to do at 3 o'clock in the morning when my baby is coughing and I'm not sure, or whether it's whether or not to vaccinate my child, or whether it's where am I supposed to deliver this baby.

Whatever it is, it's going to start in pregnancy, and then it will continue through your children's entire lives.

I mean, we're only 10 and a half years in to parenting, but it is something you're going to face in every single phase of motherhood.

And it's something I think the earlier you learn it, the better it will be.

Because if you're Googling everything, or if you're asking 10 different moms one question, you're probably going to get 10 different answers.

So trust your gut.

And even if you have absolutely no idea what to do, and you do need to ask a few different people, that's fine.

But ultimately, in the end, you have to trust what the Holy Spirit is telling you to do, because it may not be the same thing he's telling somebody else to do.

Hey, a tip that I would give to freshly postpartum moms or new moms is just to give yourself permission to be in comfy clothes for a little while, maybe a long while, until you feel really comfortable and confident to move back into wearing, you know, jeans and stuff like that.

I think I put a lot of pressure on myself to bounce back, quote unquote, and just to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes, which was not realistic.

And I struggled a lot with my body image just in that newly postpartum time.

And I think looking back on it, I wish I would have just given myself more grace and more permission to just wear what was comfortable for me at the time and not worry about that as much and really just learn to celebrate and appreciate what my body is capable of and what my body has been able to do and not rush the process or try to fit back into things when really I'm a different person.

My body's changed a lot, and that's okay, and that's something to be grateful for.

All right.

I absolutely love this tip.

Absolutely love it.

If you know me at all, like if we have spent any small amount of time together, especially in the fall and winter, you will catch me in my big, baggy, gray sweatpants.

I have several pair.

Actually, I've recently gotten rid of a few thanks to my husband's encouragement and the fact that they were like 10 years old and all ripped up and holes everywhere.

But my sister keeps giving them to me, which I'm so grateful.

She's my sweatpants supplier.

But I wear these big, baggy, I don't know why they're always gray, but gray sweatpants, and they are the most comfortable thing I can ever wear.

And do they look great?

No.

I mean, I feel great in them, but I know that they're not the most hip style and most attractive thing you've ever seen.

But if you've ever come over to my house in the middle of the day or even for an evening hangout or something, then you've probably seen me in my big gray sweatpants.

To me, that's just the most comfortable thing to wear, and I'm completely unashamed.

I want to be comfortable, especially in early postpartum.

I mean, I'm comfortable all the time.

I don't need to have just had a baby to be comfortable, but you do want to be super comfortable right after you have a baby, for sure.

But yeah, you won't see me trying to fit into any jeans or anything unless they're maternity jeans.

I continue to wear maternity clothes long after the baby has come out because my body doesn't say, hey, you know, we're back to how we used to be.

No, it takes like six months to a year usually for me before I feel like, okay, all right, I'm kind of back to my regular self.

And especially with nursing too, like your breasts grow and different shirts fit differently, and you have to wear different bras, and you have to, you know, arrange your outfits around nursing, and there are just things that you simply cannot wear anymore in this season.

So I agree.

Dress comfortably, because it will make you physically feel better in your body.

I know, I don't think I struggled with it as much with my first baby.

Or maybe I just, I did take up running though.

I will say that, like, when I was postpartum with my first, I was like, okay, I was a dancer.

Well, okay, I am a dancer.

But now that I had a baby, I wasn't able to go take classes every week anymore because I couldn't just leave my baby.

So I took up running instead.

It was something that I could do from my house, when my husband was home, I could just run in the neighborhood.

Just funny because I never ever thought I would do that.

But I took up running, and my goal literally was to lose the baby weight.

And I ended up really liking it eventually.

I don't run anymore.

That was 10 years ago.

And I did run.

I ran for a few years.

But then I got a couple of different injuries, and it just, it was too hard for me to get back into.

But I was running because I was trying to lose the baby weight.

I did it differently the next time.

I was a lot more just like, second time around just letting my body, you know, kind of come back naturally on its own and not trying to like overdo anything or rush the process, but just really, I guess relishing in what my body just did.

I admittedly was a little self-conscious of my stomach in particular after my second baby, because I did get like so many stretch marks, and my belly got so big.

You know, I went to 42 weeks and had an almost 11-pound child.

So it definitely changed the look of my stomach forever.

There was no going back after that.

After my first, it was kind of like, oh yeah, this is kind of back to normal, but you know, a little bit different, but not too much.

But after my second, it was like, no, I have clearly had children, and it will always look like I've had children.

You know, if you see my stomach.

So I was self-conscious about that at first.

But honestly, thanks to my husband, he was just so encouraging about, like, every time he saw my stomach, you know, like when I'm changing or something, and if he could sense that I was all, at all self-conscious about it, like looking in the mirror or anything, he puts his hand on my stomach and says, I love this body.

I love this belly.

This gave me my children, and it is so beautiful to me.

Like, you know what I mean?

He's just like super encouraging and super, I don't know, just as grateful for what my body did as I need to be.

So, yes, be grateful for your body, because even though it may never look the same as it did before you had a baby, you had a baby, you know, or multiple babies, or, you know, whether you had multiples at one time or several children individually, your body went through a lot to create those humans and to push them out and to feed them and sustain their life for so, so, so many months.

I think if the Lord wanted our bodies to, quote unquote, bounce back and look exactly like they did before we had children, that He would have allowed it to be that way.

And I think He allows our bodies to have evidence of the life that was within us for our encouragement and for our reminder to remind us of the strength that we have and the power that we have and the gift that He's given us through these children.

And so look in the mirror and relish those stretch marks, relish those dimples and the soft and squishy and stretchy skin that is no longer tight and no longer blemish free.

But just be proud of them.

Just walk in the fact that you gave life, you know, with the help of the Lord, you gave life to another human who is now walking this earth.

One thing that I've learned through 22 years of raising children is that they're all different.

Each one is made completely different than the others, and so trying to do the same or trying to pave the same way for each child is not the best idea.

The best thing is to see their niche and help them get to where they want to go based on their abilities and their strengths.

Well, I have five children now, and like I said, while we're only ten years into it, I couldn't agree more.

Kids are so different from each other.

It's funny, they're raised in the same household, and sometimes they're even the same gender, and yet they can be night and day from each other.

And I can only imagine how this is going to impact our parenting as they continue to grow and as they continue to become even more so themselves with their personalities and temperaments and just their likes and dislikes and interests and hobbies and opinions and style.

I mean, just everything.

I can imagine it's going to get more, I don't want to say difficult necessarily, and maybe that's fine.

It might get more difficult, but also just more interesting and kind of help us to realize we need to strategize in how we're parenting them and that we cannot parent them all exactly the same.

Now, I think you can have the same values and morals in your home and the same guidelines that you use for your family culture, but in terms of their individual needs and how you might approach parenting situations in different circumstances, I think that can definitely be individualized.

I know for sure our second son, he thrives outside of the house, running errands and doing jobs and stuff with you.

Anytime you're going to go to a store or drop something off or pick something up, or whatever it is, he wants to go, and he's awesome when he's with you.

One on one, he has this purpose, and he's excited, and he's super helpful, and super passionate.

My other kids, not so much.

That's not really their thing.

They're fine to tag along to different things, but they don't get the thrill out of it that he does.

And I know this is a juvenile example because he's only seven years old.

But just something as small as that, though, just noticing how different they are from each other.

But even as far as when our kids get upset and something happens and they're upset, different kids need different things.

Our daughter, she needs to go to her room and to calm down.

It's like she needs a moment to herself to go to her room and be in her space and collect her thoughts and take some deep breaths and come out when she's feeling better about it.

Whereas our son, that drives him absolutely crazy.

If you send him to his room to be alone, to calm down, he revs up, and he gets more intense and more upset.

So a lot of times we'll send him outside and let him jump on the trampoline or play basketball or run around or ride his bike until he calms down or something.

That helps him a lot more.

So just, you know, I imagine it's going to get a lot more complicated as they get older and go through puberty and become teenagers and all the emotions.

But kids are for sure different, and we definitely cannot treat them exactly the same.

It's said a lot, but it's true.

Sleep when they sleep.

If your kids are napping, if they are sleeping at night, especially in the newborn phase, sleep when they sleep.

You won't regret it.

Let everything else wait.

Hopefully the hubby or friends or family can help you with dishes, laundry, everything else.

Sleep when they sleep.

I learned it the hard way and didn't do it when I was first born, but when my second born came around, I realized there was a lot of good truth, and it was very helpful.

All right.

I totally agree with this tip in the early postpartum days, so like right after you have your baby.

And it's hard because they sleep a lot, and it's hard because there's visitors sometimes, or it's hard because you're recovering, or maybe you have other kids, but it is important in those initial days to get that rest to help you heal and to help you recover.

I would say as you get, you know, further away from the birth, and it's been, you know, a couple weeks, and you're starting to feel physically a little bit better, and like you can move a little bit more, then I would say it's not as important to sleep when they sleep because sometimes when they sleep, then that would be the opportunity to do something else, like take a shower or just visit with somebody that you want to, or you know, whatever it is that you need to do.

But initially, you do.

That is what you need to do when they sleep, is to sleep and to get some rest.

And whether that's while they're sleeping on you or someone else is holding them or they're sleeping beside you or whatever the case is, it is important to get that rest in those early postpartum days for sure.

And now I will say also when you're pregnant and then you have another baby already or a toddler, and they go down for that nap, for sure that's a great time to go down for a nap.

If you're home with them, I mean, I guess.

But man, I would look forward to those times of day when the toddler was napping and I could take a rest being pregnant.

I don't know, you're just more tired when you're pregnant.

It's a thing.

It's a real thing.

My piece of advice is for mostly new moms, but it's a really great reminder for moms in any season.

And it is to do something for yourself, just for you, something that's fun, that you enjoy, that fills you up.

Do one thing every day, whether that is brushing out your eyebrows or baking something good or putting on a cute outfit or maybe even tackling a fun project.

Just do something for yourself every day.

And I think the important thing to note with this is that with kids, sometimes these things look a lot different or they're filled with interruptions, but a great skill to develop as a mom is learn how to do these things with your kids.

Okay, this is a great tip, because it is easy, especially when you're becoming a mom for the first time, to become lost in your motherhood.

It's easy to just feel like you have to cater to all of their needs at all times, and you no longer have a moment for yourself.

It's easy to get sucked into that.

And honestly, even more so once you have multiple children in the mix, because now you're taking care of double the needs, or triple the needs, or anything like that.

It's easy to get swept up into that being your all day, every day.

But I will say from experience, when I take that time just to myself in the middle of the day, whether it's five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, God bless if you get an hour, I know that that's not common, but just that it helps sort of re-energize and re-boost you for the rest of the day.

Or if it's at the end of the day after they've gone to bed, that is helpful too.

I know what I try and do, because I am home all day, every day with the kids.

I stay at home with all five kids, we home school, and it's just, it is life.

So usually what happens and how I do this is in the middle of the afternoon, when my toddler's nap lines up with my baby's nap, like whenever they overlap at that point, and my big kids can be playing with friends usually by that point, because their friends are home from school, and my four-year-old, who no longer naps, that is the one time I will try, we haven't done it last couple months, but try to turn on a show for him, admittedly, just a show that I know that he likes, and that he will sit and watch for a little bit, because he's our little escape artist.

I wish I could just sit and put some blocks in front of him, and that would entertain him, but he is sneaky when left alone, and he likes to sneak up into the pantry and get things that he shouldn't, or he likes to sneak out of the house and go places that he shouldn't, or sneak and do something in the backyard that he shouldn't.

He's a little ornery right now, and you can't take your eyes off of him.

And typically, if he is watching a show, then he's not going to move, at least for those 25 minutes or whatever.

So when all those stars align and all that is happening, that is when I typically will go into my back porch and sit in the sun and just let the sun hit my face, hit my body.

Sometimes I'll listen to a podcast.

Sometimes I'll read.

It just kind of depends.

Sometimes I'll eat, because maybe if I haven't eaten yet that day, that'll be when I'm eating.

But I just try and take, you know, like 20 minutes for myself just to try and re-reboost.

Now, I'm not perfect at it.

It does not happen every day, but I try my best, because, you know, sometimes I'm super concerned about, like, getting dinner ready or doing this laundry or cleaning that, and now I have a moment to do that.

But I do.

I try and just take 20 minutes of not accomplishing anything, not being efficient, not, you know, do, do, do, and just try to rest.

I call it, like, my midday Sabbath.

Like, I've Sabbathed for a little bit in the middle of the day to help me get through the rest of the day.

But here's my other thing I will say on this, is that at nighttime, after all of the kids are in bed, that is when I like to have, and I think a lot of moms out here can relate, I like to have this unwind time.

So I know it seems like, well, I'm totally exhausted, and I'm not sleeping at night, so as soon as all my kids are down, I should go straight to sleep.

You know, after the kitchen's clean, and after, you know, I've kind of closed up the house for the day, I should go straight to bed.

However, I tell my husband this all the time, and I think I've told a few other people this in the past, if I do that, if I spend a whole day like giving myself out to other people, and just doing, doing, doing, and I don't take a single minute for myself, and I go straight to sleep, as soon as I'm done with everything, then I wake up the next morning, maybe I'm more rested, but I also wake up feeling defeated.

I just, it's like I'm starting the day with defeat, because the day before, I didn't take any time to myself at all.

So I have historically needed, at least I would say, an hour of just unwind time at the end of the night, where all the kids are in bed, and I can spend an hour doing something that I want to do.

Even if I am exhausted, even if I am super tired, just spending an hour doing something I want to do, and usually that hours with my husband, and spending some time with him.

Whether I'm in the bath, or reading a book, which I usually read in the bath, or watching a little show or something, or having popcorn, and just talking to each other, or whatever it is.

Just something where we are without kids, and we are without responsibility for that last hour of the night before we go to bed.

It is something that really helps me, honestly, go to sleep that night, and really helps my day start off better the next day.

I am the mother of Peyton, which is five years old, Wyatt, which is four years old, and Cohen, which is three and a half months.

Peyton and Wyatt came into our home through foster care, and I am now their adopted mom, which they have felt like they have been biological to me since coming into our home.

It just has felt like such a tight fit with them, and I'm just so grateful that I get to be their mother.

And I just wanted to share, for those of you that may be experiencing difficulty in getting pregnant or just a longing desire to grow your family, I just encourage you to have open eyes and open hearts at any possibility that the Lord may be able to bless you with children in different areas.

We feel so very grateful to have fostered and adopted Peyton and Wyatt.

And then, by surprise, we became pregnant with Cohen and just feel so blessed to have walked that journey as well.

So I'm with y'all mamas.

Keep that open eyes and open hearts.

I'm so glad she shared that because it is so true.

We have these visions, especially maybe if you haven't gotten pregnant yet, or you haven't become a mom yet, or maybe you're about to be a mom for the first time.

It's like we have these visions of what we think our family is going to be.

Oh, once we get married, we're going to wait for two years, and then we're going to have three kids, or two kids, or we're going to have a boy and a girl.

Whatever your vision is.

And then we don't leave room for God to move in the way He wants to move.

And we're not looking out or listening out for God and His plans and what He has for us.

I mean, if you have heard our birth stories, you would know that I thought I was done after my second.

I had a girl, and I had a boy, and postpartum was really hard with my boy, just having the toddler and the newborn.

And I was home all day, and I was just, I was really struggling, and it ended up being, you know, really hard pregnancy and labor, like a lot harder than the first.

And I just said, I'm done.

This is it.

Our family is complete, and we're gonna just move on from this phase of life.

And I didn't even pray about it.

I didn't even think beyond that.

I just was like, it was hard, and it is hard, and so I'm done.

And thankfully, God had other plans for our family, and I'm so grateful that He did.

You know, first through my husband, who did want to have a third eventually.

You know, if you listen to our stories that are like in previous episodes of how God gave us our children, it was very evident that God and my husband were in agreement with having that third child and then the fourth and then the fifth.

And you know, we'll see where it goes from here.

But if I finally learned to just, like she said, to just keep an open heart, open eyes, and open, I would say also open ears and open hands to what the Lord has for you.

Because it may not look like what you envision.

Whether, you know, you thought, I'm going to biologically have two children and that's going to be our family.

And then, you know, the Lord says, no, actually, you're going to foster and adopt, like she did.

Or if he says, you know, you thought you were going to get pregnant very easily and then you end up going through fertility struggles and having to seek alternative routes like IVF or even surrogacy, whatever his plan is that differs from yours, we have to be open and trusting, knowing that he's going to use those plans for his good, that he has a purpose in it, that his glory is going to shine through it, and that other people will come to know his name because of it.

I mean, now we have five kids.

I never would have ever told anyone when we were starting out as a couple that we were going to have a big family, that we were going to have several kids.

And now I'm so glad that God saw fit for us to do it this way, even though it is hard, and even though there are struggles that come along with having several kids as well.

There are struggles in every single situation when it comes to how you're growing your family and in what different ways.

There are struggles with fertility treatments, for sure.

There are struggles with fostering.

There are struggles with adopting.

And there are struggles with biologically getting pregnant and having your kids come out of your body.

There are struggles with it all.

And I do believe God uses all of those struggles to draw us closer to Him and to give Him the glory through it.

So I agree.

Keep your eyes open.

Keep your heart open.

Don't get set in a vision for what exactly your family is going to look like because God just may have something better in store for you.

Mine is the homeopathic medicine Pulsatilla 200 for a breech baby or for a baby that's in the posterior position.

Pulsatilla just helps get them into the correct position for birth.

And you can use it twice a day.

You should only have to use it a couple times before you feel a shift.

This is great.

I have recently, like in the last year or so, gotten into homeopathy and tried to use it more for my family rather than more conventional methods.

I did try to use it for like the nauseous state of pregnancy.

I have used it for my kids, for allergies now.

We've used it for the flu, for sure.

When I got the flu, my kids got the flu.

Man, I can never pronounce that one.

Ossicillium or something like that.

I don't know, but that thing for sure worked wonders and helped so much.

So if you're not familiar with homeopathy, it is not just like natural remedies or holistic medicine.

It's not like that.

It works totally differently.

And actually, I haven't been telling people's names.

I've been keeping everyone anonymous.

But the person who suggested that, you know who you are, and I'm going to be seeking you out to see if you can come on and talk about how to use homeopathy in pregnancy and childbirth and postpartum because I think it's such a useful tool, but I am no expert by any means at all.

I am still constantly learning, constantly trying to grow my, I guess you could say supply or my kit or whatever that we have here at home, trying to just expand my knowledge for all of that.

But that is something that I didn't know.

I didn't know that you could use a homeopathic remedy to help flip a breech baby.

So that is super cool and interesting, and I would love to know more about that.

That's so fun.

So yeah, that's great.

Look it up.

Pulsatella 200 for a breech baby.

I'm sure you could look up more information on that on different sites if you have a breech baby and you're interested in trying to turn them.

That's super cool.

I want to dive into that more, for sure.

I would say as far as early motherhood goes when your kids are little, try to wake up and be thankful.

Even if they beat you out of bed, a lot like mine do, I try to wake up and say thank you God for today, thank you God for my kids, and I even try to go around the table and at breakfast just get them to share what they're thankful for.

It really starts off the day on a positive note.

This is great advice for everybody in general, no matter what stage of life you were going through.

But there are difficult things about pregnancy, there are difficult things about early postpartum and difficult things about motherhood in general.

And keeping an attitude of gratitude, which is like my son's favorite church song right now, but keeping that gratitude at the center and maybe doing it first thing and having that start your day is such good advice.

We tend to do that around our Sabbath dinners.

Like every Friday night, we have a Shabbat dinner, and we go around the table, and everyone says what they're thankful for that week.

But doing it every day, that's even better.

I mean, I've heard of people keeping grateful journals or gratitude journals and writing down three things at the end of every day that they were grateful for, which is also wonderful.

But in motherhood, it's like you need that.

You need that sometimes.

There are days that are so hard, it's so easy to focus on just the negatives and all the hard things that happened that day.

But focusing on the positives, I mean, that while difficult to do sometimes, it really does actually help.

Like as silly as it sounds, it is so incredibly helpful to focus on the good thoughts and to have the good thoughts running through your mind before you go to sleep or the good thoughts running through your mind as you start your day.

That is where you're going to see, you know, perspective shift and attitude shift for yourself.

And then honestly, when your perspective and your attitude are shifted in the right way, it affects your entire day.

All right, now it's time for my little tip or trick.

My personal one that I just thought of, I could probably give like 15, but I'm only going to give one just to not exhaust everybody.

My tip would be, do not buy your children toys.

Even the newborns, don't buy them toys.

And I will tell you exactly why.

So first off, toys pile up so quickly.

I will never forget I had this one cute little bin of toys for my baby girl when she was first born.

And for the first several months, it was like we had this one little bin, and we were able to fit all her toys in this one little bin.

And that bin somehow grew overnight into like a whole shelf with multiple bins, and then that grew into an entire playroom, and then that grew into like toys in her room, and in the playroom, and everywhere all over the house.

It is like, it's like Miracle Girl gets poured all over everything, and they just explode.

It is insane how quickly toys accumulate.

So then what ends up happening is all day long, you're picking up toys or you're tripping over toys, or you can just constantly see it in your line of vision, and it's just like chaos for your brain.

And trust me, trust me, don't buy your children toys.

The next reason for not buying your children toys are that everybody else is already going to buy your children toys.

Whether it is a newborn, whether it is their first birthday, whether it is their fifth birthday, everyone wants to buy your kid toys for all these events, or Christmases, or whatever.

They always buy them toys.

Now, we've tried to have the conversation with some of the grandparents saying, like, please don't buy our kids toys, because what's going to happen is I'm going to trip over them, and then I'm going to throw them away.

And I will say this too.

So you don't have to buy your kids toys, because other people will buy them for your kids.

So there's that.

And they, there's so many of them, and it gets kind of insane and crazy, and they take over your house.

But also, they play with them for like two days, and then they're done.

It's like they're fascinated.

You know, they're so excited to get the toy.

They open it.

They want to play with it right away.

And they play with it for a couple of days, and then something else comes along, and they forget about it.

It gets left on the floor.

It gets left outside.

It gets broken.

It gets dirty.

And you know the way they make toys these days.

They make them so cheaply so that they do break, so that you will buy more.

It's just like all a gimmick, and I'm not falling for it.

I am not falling for it.

Another reason that you should not buy your children toys is because especially if they're babies, like if they're like newborns through toddlers, honestly, they are going to choose household objects over toys.

They're going to want to play with remote controls.

They're going to want to play with your car keys.

They're going to want to play with the little door stoppers that make that funny noise when you flick them.

They're going to want to play with the Tupperware in your kitchen.

They're going to want to play with everything else except for those toys.

And the toys will sit there in that stage of life untouched, but everything else will be in disarray.

And so it's like, why have all that stuff in your house if they're not even going to play with it?

They're going to choose all the other things instead.

I mean, when your baby is, I would say, able to grab onto something and hold it in that age through like, I don't know, maybe three months through a year, a plastic water bottle that like crinkles when they grab onto it, that's the best thing in the world for them.

Like, you don't need to buy baby toys at the baby.

Like, they will be in love with that plastic water bottle because of the way it sounds and the way it feels.

And trust me, you don't need to buy your children toys.

And the last thing I will say about you don't have to buy your kids' toys, please don't buy your kids' toys, is because the outside world is so much better for their development than any toy that you could give them.

Just simply take them outside.

Let them play in the grass.

Let them play with rocks.

Let them play with sticks.

Let them play with mud.

Let them play with the soil, the mulch, the gravel, the weeds, the flowers, like anything.

Just let them play outside.

It's, first of all, free.

Second of all, not making a mess inside of your home.

Third of all, a lot better for their eye development, their gross motor skills, their fine motor skills.

God really knew what he was doing when he didn't put toys on the planet.

He just gave us nature.

If you have not listened to the 1000 Hours Outside podcast, I highly, highly, highly, highly recommend it.

She has well over 200 episodes now, so it's not like you can exactly catch up.

However, I would either start listening to it now or go back to the beginning and sift through episodes.

In the very beginning of her podcast, she was just starting out, so audio wasn't that great, but the content was phenomenal, so just stick with it.

But I say this in my class, too.

I've learned more about child development through the Thousand Hours Outside podcast and the authors that she has on and the books that she recommends, more than I did in my college experience, and I was in early childhood.

Like, that's what I was doing.

And so it blows my mind that I've learned more now, you know, through this podcast of hers than I did when I was paying to learn and getting a degree in it.

So I highly recommend that podcast.

She talks about this topic in particular on several episodes and with several different authors.

And I have read several of the books that she's recommended that talks about this and just the research behind how while kids do need to play and they need so much play in their life, they don't need toys.

And lastly, just so I don't sound like a totally anal, horrible person about this, we do have toys in our house.

We do have some toys.

I think it's fine to have some.

A few are fine.

But just make sure there are toys that are high quality, that are going to last and not break.

Make sure there are toys that your kids are genuinely interested in and want to play with all the time and not something that's going to fade easily.

And I would be careful about the amount of toys with noise, like with sounds that you let in, because that just gets to be a lot really fast.

So I'll tell you some of our toys.

We have the magnetiles.

We've been gifted those from grandparents and friends for birthdays and Christmases and stuff.

And our kids love the magnetiles.

They love building things with them.

And that is a toy that has stood the test of time, or the magnetiles.

We also have cars.

The kids love cars.

So like little hot wheels or little cars that like, you know, where you press on them and pull them back, and they shoot really fast across the floor.

They love cars.

That has always been a thing that has stood the test of time, or like little cars.

Some type of block.

So some type of block you can build with, or some type of Lego.

We have like those, they're not the giant Duplo blocks, but they're not like the little tiny Legos.

They're kind of like the in-between medium sized.

They're from my husband's childhood, actually.

His parents saved them and gave them to us, which is why they're super high quality and not super cheap.

So that is great.

But the kids will build different things with that all the time.

And then we have like, just like an oddball basket of like a couple of random things, a couple figurines, and a couple like little tea, it's like a little teapot, and some tea cups, and some food items, just a couple things like that.

We used to have a lot more.

And I tell you, I have filtered them out over time, because my rule is, if I trip on it or step on it twice, it's gone.

Like it's going in the trash, we're done.

Because I don't need to trip on it anymore, and obviously no one cared enough about it to pick it up.

So I feel like I've rambled on about this for a long time.

So I'll stop now.

But I think you get my point.

Don't buy your kids' toys.

That is my tip to you as a mom out there.

It will save you so much stress, and so much time, and so many tears.

Because when the toys break, that's like a whole other, whole other thing.

Because they will definitely break, run out of batteries or whatever.

All right.

Okay.

Those were our tips.

I hope you enjoyed them.

I hope you enjoyed the little change up from the birth story.

We will jump back into birth stories next week.

So don't worry about that.

We will be right back to it.

But I did want to ask you one more thing.

So this was our Mother's Day special.

We are currently planning a Father's Day special.

And we are going to be having my husband and then a husband of another mom who's been on the podcast a couple of times, her husband.

Our husbands are going to join forces and host their own episodes.

So I won't be on it other than the intro and outro is all I have on there.

And they are going to take the cake with that episode.

So I want to know, I'm going to hear from you.

What do you want them to talk about?

What would you want your husbands to listen to, I guess, or yourself too?

But what do you want them to talk about in that episode?

Because we've tossed around a couple different ideas, but I figured I would just ask you guys.

So let us know, message me on Instagram, or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com, and let me know what do you want to have in a Father's Day special episode for our podcast.

Thanks again for joining us today.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram, or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting subscribe.

Also, we love for you to leave a review of the show so that more people like you can hear more stories like these.

If you really enjoyed this episode in particular, please take a screenshot and post it to your Instagram story tagging Surrendered Birth Services.

If you're interested in taking my childbirth classes, birth consultations, or having me as your birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to my website for online and in-person options.

Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice, so please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise.

Also, if you'd like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to get in touch with me.

We hope you have a great week, and remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.