036 - Unnecessary Episiotomies and Restoring Faith in Birth (with Alex Everette)

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SHOW NOTES:

Picture this…you choose a birth center for your delivery because you want a natural, unmedicated birth, with a hands off care provider. Then, you walk into the birth center, get checked, and the midwife panics and calls EMT’s and gives you not one, but two completely unnecessary episiotomies. What a 180 from your vision. Hear how God redeems Alex’s stories with two peaceful home births, following her first unfortunate birth center experience. 

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TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the Pursuit of Surrendering It All to God.

Let's get started.

Hey, everybody.

I truly hope you are having a good day.

And if not, I hope that listening to this podcast will make it better somehow.

I'm having a great day, or night, rather.

I always record these at night.

I actually just got back from teaching another childbirth class, which is like my favorite thing to do.

I taught all weekend, so my voice is a little tired and a little shot.

But I'm just going to drink some herbal tea and be quiet after this, and I think it will feel much better.

But I love teaching childbirth classes, got to teach an all-day private childbirth class with just one couple at their home on Saturday, which was really fun.

It's like a marathon and kind of like drinking out of a fire hose.

But sometimes that's all that works for a couple's schedule, or if they're coming in from out of town or something.

But I always let everyone ask me questions.

After they've taken the class, I give them my number and they can feel free to text me whenever they want.

Because after they've processed it, that's usually when the questions come.

And then we just finished up our spring childbirth class tonight, which if you're listening to this, I guess would be last night with our group session, which was so much fun as well.

So I just love it.

I love it so much.

If you are interested in a childbirth class or maybe in the future, or maybe you know someone who is, just reach out and let me know.

My information is in the show notes, but just reach out.

And even if you're not local, we are starting online virtual class options as well.

So if it's something you're interested in or needing, please just let us know.

I would love, love, love to teach you.

It is one of my absolute favorite things to do.

All right, let's get into this week's episode.

Picture this, you choose a birth center for your delivery because you want a natural unmedicated birth with a hands-off care provider.

Then you walk into the birth center, get checked, and the midwife panics and calls EMTs and gives you not one, but two completely unnecessary episiotomies.

What a 180 from your vision.

Hear how God redeems Alex's stories with two peaceful home births following her first unfortunate birth center experience.

Welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and today I have a special guest, Alex, with me.

Alex, can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about who you are and your life and anything else you'd like us to know?

Hi, my name is Alex Everette.

I'm a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and an 11-week-old baby boy.

He's our first boy, and my older two are girls.

We live in Reedsville, North Carolina.

We have like a thousand chickens, and we have goats, and we have dogs, and more dogs, and we have a nice piece of property here.

And we, let's see, I decided to learn how to crochet.

That's my newest project.

I am getting ready to learn how to crochet.

Are you good enough to teach me?

Heck no.

But I wish I was.

No, YouTube is teaching me.

No, I'm not good enough to teach you.

I wish I was.

My neighbor is getting ready to teach me.

We have it scheduled.

So I wanted to learn how to crochet too.

My goal, I started dabbling in it right before Reese was born.

And then you get really pregnant and really tired, and I gave up on it for a while.

But I really just want to make him a blanket.

That's my big goal.

Nothing crazy.

I want to do stuff like that, like blankets, scarves, hats, goals too.

Well, cool.

We have that in common.

So you just told us you have three kids.

So let's get started with your first birth story.

So how did you find out you were pregnant?

Or what was that first pregnancy experience like?

So we had actually been trying to get pregnant for about two years, not quite two years.

And then after about a year, we kind of started getting a little nervous, like, OK, maybe something is wrong or one of us needs to go see a doctor or something like that.

And finally, I went to an OB and I didn't have a great experience.

So then I asked my husband, like, would you have your sperm tested?

So he went and he got his sperm tested.

And actually, right after that, and, you know, we got the results, we found out we were pregnant.

I was actually getting ready to go on a work trip to Texas.

And I found out, like, the day before I went to Texas.

So that was pretty cool.

And I was, and by extension, I had a trip to Waco planned to go see, like, all the Magnolia things and all that.

So it was, like, a really exciting time.

And I was going with my best friend.

So after I found out, we went to Waco and, like, I bought baby things while I was there.

And that was really neat.

Oh, that's so fun.

I love Waco, by the way.

My husband and I got a chance to go last year, 2022, and we had an absolute blast.

It was so much fun.

And I can only imagine.

I think, when was it that it had to have been 2018 when I went.

So I can only imagine how much it's changed since then.

Oh, I know.

And we just finished watching that they made a hotel that now they have.

Chip and Joe have their own hotel, of course, which is super wise.

So, yeah.

So I'm like, well, we're going to have to go back to Waco sometime and check out the hotel.

Okay.

So did you end up going back to that same OB for your care then?

I did, actually.

I went, I think I went my entire first trimester to that OB, and I started thinking, this just doesn't feel right.

I felt that, well, first, I told one of the OBs that I was planning on having a natural birth, that I didn't want any medication or, you know, I wanted low assistance, things like that.

And the way she looked at me, she looked at me like I had a third head.

I mean, like, she looked at me like, I just, I'll never forget it.

And that's when I started thinking, I need to do something else.

I had had time when we were trying to get pregnant, to do the research, to make the decision that I wanted to have a natural birth.

And you know, I was dead set on that, even though I feel like when I was in the OB setting, it was talked about not doing that.

I was given options, as they like to say, well, you know, you have the option to have the epidural and things like that, even though I had told them adamantly, like, you know, unless it's the situation where it's medically necessary, that's not what I want.

And I kept feeling like I was pushed in a different way.

So finally, I decided to do some research and I found a birth center for my first birth in Winston.

And I called them and I didn't know anything other than, you know, this is the setting where I could have a natural birth.

And I didn't really have many options for them to pressure me out of it.

You know, of course, it was located near the hospital, but that's the route that I ended up taking.

So was that baby and co?

Yeah.

Yeah, it was baby and co.

Which we know they're no longer in business.

Man.

So then how did that pregnancy go for you?

Was it smooth or did you have any like bumps in the road or was it healthy?

It was 100% healthy.

I didn't really have morning sickness and I almost don't like saying that because I know so many moms deal with the morning sickness, but I was tired, things like that.

But everything was healthy.

I didn't do much throwing up or anything like that.

I was, you know, I felt pretty good until, you know, the end of pregnancy when you get to like the tired, beyond all tired kind of deal when you get to that third trimester.

But everything was healthy.

And it kind of just reinforced in my mind, like I had made the right decision, like I'm healthy, I'm low risk.

There's no reason for me to not give this a go and have a natural birth.

Knowing you want a natural birth and then having the healthy pregnancy to ensure that you can.

Right.

I feel like if I would have been really sick, I probably would have talked myself out of it like, Oh, something's wrong.

You know, I'm really sick.

Maybe I shouldn't do this with it being our first pregnancy and you don't know what you don't know.

Well, I can tell you, even if you are really sick like myself, nothing's typically wrong.

Nothing is impossible.

It can be done.

So let's see how far then do you make it in your first pregnancy?

How far along are you when you go into labor?

So I was 40 weeks and two days when I went into labor with Grace, our first.

So that day I got up and everything was normal.

And there's always some drama with anything that goes on with us.

Our dog had done something to her eye.

And so this is the middle of January.

It's extremely cold.

She had gone outside and done something, came back in, and her eye was completely shut.

So that day she had a vet appointment.

Me and my husband take her to the vet.

She gets checked out.

She has a cone.

And while we're standing there at the vet, I look at the tech.

I just make a funny face.

She says, are you okay?

I say, I think so.

And a few minutes later, I have another feeling.

I'm like, is this labor?

Because I didn't have any signs leading up to then that today was the day.

And we get done with the appointment.

I get in the car and I look at my husband.

I'm like, I think we might be having a baby today.

He said, no, no way.

Because of course, with your first baby, everyone expects, oh, your water is going to break beforehand.

Or, oh, there's going to be these big signs and it's going to be a big deal.

And I didn't have those feelings.

I don't know if I was just in denial.

So we get home from the vet and I decide, okay, maybe I should take a shower and start cleaning the house, which is silly.

Now that I think back on it, I'm like, okay, let me clean the house.

Nah, that's perfectly normal reaction to labor.

Right.

I'm like, I got to get everything cleaned up.

This is the big day.

And I call my mom, she comes over, helps me clean up, I get in the shower and I start feeling worse.

I'm like, okay, things are happening.

I text my doula and told her what was going on.

And you know, I had taken the birth classes where they tell you, well, you know, you're going to be in labor for 24 to 36 hours to, you know, try to relax, things like that.

So I start relaxing, I quit cleaning.

I think I went and laid on the couch for a little while, and then things started picking up a little bit.

And that's, you know, it had probably been about three hours.

Okay, this is starting to get more painful.

So I talked to my doula again, let her know what's going on, and things start picking up more.

So we live at that point, we lived about an hour away from Winston from the birth center.

So, you know, I'm not really thinking anything about it, because 24 to 36 hours, it's only been three or four at this point, that, you know, I don't think anything about it, I don't really have anything packed, I don't have anything prepped other than my house is clean.

So we kind of just ride it out.

And then there's a turn where I'm having difficulty talking.

And my husband is kind of freaking out.

My mom is like, Okay, maybe we should do something.

Maybe we should go to the birth center.

And I don't want to go.

I've gotten to the point I don't want to leave my house.

I have decided to go get in the bed now at this point.

And I won't speak to anyone.

My doula finally comes over.

And she's like, we got to go.

Because I didn't know I mean, I didn't know, but I was pretty far along.

She figured out when she came and actually saw me because I wouldn't get out of the bed wouldn't speak anything like that.

So they finally get me up.

And so we get out the door, we get in the car on the way to Winston, which was like the worst pain I've ever felt is being in the car.

Oh my gosh, it was so bad.

Just the car ride.

And my husband's trying to make jokes like, oh, maybe we should stop for gas.

Like, this is not funny.

I'm just wanting to punch him in the face.

This is not funny.

Exactly, not the time, not the time for jokes.

So we finally get to Winston, and I'm like, I couldn't, I could barely walk to the door without assistance.

And it's getting close to midnight by this point.

So I went into labor about four or five o'clock and it's at midnight.

And the midwife that's there, she comes out from the birth center and helps us get in there.

She's the only one there, the only person at the entire birth center.

And gets us inside, you know, she checks me and I'm nine centimeters and baby's like, baby's ready to come.

And just in just about 30 minutes from now.

So there's like a lot of freaking out.

She was really nervous.

I could tell even in the fog that I was in of labor, I could I got a vibe that she was, I don't know if she was nervous because she was the only midwife there or because I came in and I was so far along.

But I don't know, I just got like a vibe as soon as we got there, that things were tense.

So we get there and, you know, she does the check in and everything.

And pretty much within 30 minutes, I'm ready to get the baby out.

And she starts checking heart rate and things like that.

And the heart rate is off.

And she decides that we're going to do an episiotomy.

The midwife at the birth center?

Correct.

Yes.

So I get an episiotomy twice.

What?

Yeah, she had me twice.

Had you even started pushing yet?

No, she was trying to coach me through pushing and it didn't feel right.

Everything about that situation felt wrong.

Whoa.

Yeah.

So you didn't have the urge to push yet?

No.

I was at nine centimeters.

Like I wasn't even fully finished.

So was...

I'm sorry.

I'm just was not expecting you to say that.

Courtney said the same thing.

And I told her this story.

She was like, that should not have happened.

No.

You didn't have the urge to push and you weren't even 10 centimeters.

So was the heart rate...

Did you ever find out like what the heart rate was?

No, I didn't ever find out what the heart rate was.

She just...

At the time, I mean, of course, I was like very into labor, so...

But she just said that it was irregular.

But I didn't ever find out exactly what it was.

And when I talked to my midwife about it, she said that that shouldn't have happened.

Your next midwife.

Yeah.

Yes.

My next midwife.

Well, yeah.

Well, typically when babies are coming down and like being pushed out, their heart rate does go down.

Yeah.

Because it's everything's being compressed and that's perfectly normal.

Right.

They had called the EMTs.

The EMTs were there waiting to transfer me.

And my mom actually spoke up and said, we're not transferring her.

Why would you need to transfer?

I, you know, I don't know.

A baby is coming out of you.

The baby?

At a birth center.

Yeah.

The baby was ready.

And the EMTs are standing there like waiting on me to either have this baby or not.

And my mom and husband, poor things, are just like, no, we're like, we're having this baby now.

The midwife there, I don't think, I think she was like terrified.

But after the episiotomy, baby came, she was great.

I was healthy.

Yeah, she was perfectly healthy, you know, after the episiotomy, everything was fine.

Baby came out forcefully with lots of assistance, which I was not super thrilled about.

But the EMTs, you know, made my husband sign something right after our baby had been born, like, can y'all just wait a minute?

Like, we just had a baby and they're trying to pull him away.

And I'm, you know, I'm looking at Steve and my husband like, you know, you can't you can't leave me to go talk to them right now.

I mean, we're all in the same room, but, you know, they have the oxygen mask on me.

Even though I feel perfectly fine, they're like trying to put it on my face.

And I didn't really I didn't care for that.

But yeah, it was it was kind of a sketchy experience, honestly.

But she was healthy.

And that's the moral of the story, but it was just a hot mess.

That is so crazy.

I like you said, planning a natural birth, having it at a birth center.

I did not expect you to say episiotomy and EMTs and transfer it like, yeah, especially because you were walking in like at nine centimeters like that.

I mean, I was pretty much ready to go.

Did your doula have any thoughts on that?

I mean, we've processed through it before and wow, it was wild.

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

Yeah, it was not what I had expected.

I mean, overall, of course, you know, she came out healthy and right.

You had a natural birth and yeah, it was unmedicated like I'd planned.

It was overall what I had planned.

Just a lot more drama.

And the episiotomy was not what I expected at all, because that was pretty traumatic.

And then when they went to stitch me afterward, I didn't have any numbing.

Yeah, no, there was no numbing.

There was an attempt at numbing, but they didn't let it set in.

They just started stitching and that was it.

My mom was like holding my hands back, so I wouldn't grab the midwife.

The midwife?

Yeah, that was worse than anything.

So that was the birth of Grace.

That was the birth of Grace, poor thing.

How did your postpartum go?

How did breastfeeding go?

Breastfeeding was a struggle because she was really little, so she got down.

She was five pounds and some ounces.

She lost weight pretty rapidly, and I took her to the pediatrician several times.

Can you guys help me?

I didn't know a lot about lactation and things like that, and this is my first baby.

They tried to help me, but she could not latch well, really at all.

She would just cry and cry.

So that made postpartum really difficult.

I ended up pumping.

I pumped with her for about 13 months because I kind of just gave up and I didn't know what I know now.

I didn't really know what to do, so it was kind of stressful.

But that was probably the most stressful part of postpartum and just learning all the things that you have to learn having a first baby.

And I mean, now that I look back on it, I do feel like I was kind of processing some disappointment with the birth, but at the same time, reminding myself like she's healthy, she's here.

And overall, other than the drama, the experience was unmedicated, like I planned and things like that.

But you're allowed to be disappointed.

Yeah.

But there was a but.

Yeah.

Do you feel like you had to lean on the Lord through that at all?

Like, do you feel like how did your relationship with him go?

I just know personally, when I have disappointments like that, like I have to take it to the Lord.

And sometimes I'm taking it to the Lord in anger, you know, and sometimes I'm taking it to him in sadness.

And sometimes I'm taking it to him in surrender.

And I'm not perfect at all.

I have lots of, you know, struggles that the Lord still is trying to teach me like a hundred things.

But through birth, I don't know, it's just like such a such a sensitive, special time.

And how did you how did you talk about that with him?

I think of course, I asked the questions, why did it go this way?

And of course, I had the why questions.

But also, I it was a surrender situation where I feel like that happened because there was something else that was going to happen next.

Maybe I knew, you know, this wasn't this wasn't my only baby, God willing.

And I think that experience led me through him to what would be my first home birth.

I don't think it was his way of trying to show me like you made the wrong decision.

I don't think that at all.

But I think those things transpired because there was a bigger plan ahead maybe.

And I don't remember feeling angry.

I remember feeling, and I've always kind of felt this way even as a teenager, when I would have conversations with the Lord and I would pray, I just felt kind of like it was already figured out.

I guess just to surrender, like you said, is a really good word.

It's funny the name of this podcast.

Always kind of surrendered my faith and my trust into him and felt that, you know, it was already kind of predetermined how everything was going to go.

And that it was, you know, always for a higher purpose than what I had had in mind.

Even starting with the OB, you know, of course, most people would think, well, that was a waste of time.

Like, why did I spend so much time there?

But I think all those little steps led me to where I am now.

And that was already, you know, kind of figured out for me.

Like I had to go through those things to get here.

And it was already preordained.

Yes, the Lord does take us on paths and, you know, allows us to experience certain things before other things in preparation, for sure.

If we wouldn't have had trouble getting pregnant, I wouldn't have had the time to research natural birth.

I would have probably gone down the conventional path of, you know, hospital birth, epidural, all those things.

But because we did have that time, I did the research, and then, you know, the next step, going to the birth center, or going through the OB, and then going to the birth center, it was almost like a tug.

It's the Holy Spirit.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Then, did you guys have a plan as to when you would have your next child, or because there was, you know, it took you so long to get pregnant the first time, or was it the first time where you guys just sort of saying, like, when it happens, it'll happen?

Like, how did that process go the second time around?

I think we kind of decided around one year is when we wanted to start trying again.

I mean, we knew we wanted to have more than one child, but with, you know, the difficulty, it was kind of up in the air.

We didn't know when or how until after Grace was born.

And then we kind of just talked about it and decided, you know, maybe a year.

I think I'd always known I wanted to have children pretty close together.

I don't really know why.

I just did seem like the closeness of age, you know, would translate into closeness later in adulthood and, you know, teenage years.

Hopefully, when we get there, hopefully that'll translate.

But so around one year is when we started trying again, and it took about eight months to get pregnant with Blake.

So, you know, not as long as the first time.

When we got to about six months, I think I felt more defeated at that point than I did when we were trying with Grace, our first.

I don't know why.

I think a lot of times when you have trouble, it almost feels like your body is betraying you.

Like, why is this not working?

Even though I knew the results of, you know, our sperm testing and things like that, I mean, I knew those results and I knew it was going to be difficult.

It was just, it was even harder the second time, I guess, even though it didn't take as long.

But I got to the six month point and I started to give up a little bit.

Like, you know, maybe it's not time right now.

Maybe, you know, the Lord is telling me to wait.

And, you know, friends and family were telling me, well, you know, maybe it's not just not your time.

You know, you can try again later.

But I mean, sometimes that's not super helpful either.

But yeah, I had definitely gotten to the point of starting to get upset.

And maybe, I think I started to pull back a little bit and think, okay, maybe we'll stop actively trying, and we'll just kind of see what happens.

And that went on for about two more months.

And then we found out we were pregnant with Blake.

So, knowing how things went down the first time, I'm just gonna assume you decided to go a different route.

Or at least not go back to that particular birth center.

Yeah, well, the birth center was no longer, which made sense to me, now that I think back on it.

Oh, like it wasn't even open anymore at that point.

Yeah, they had closed down, so I was like, well, that makes sense.

And just so anyone's listening, this is not like a hit against birth centers.

I love birth centers.

Birth centers are amazing.

We love them.

That was just an offhand experience that shouldn't have happened.

Yeah, no.

When I made the choice for a birth center, especially with my first, you know, I knew I wanted an unmedicated setting, but I was too scared, I guess, to go full in on home birth.

So I think a birth center is a great in-between option.

If you know you want an unmedicated birth, but you still want maybe the comforts of the extra, the extra care, I guess, is not a good way to say it, because you get great care in home birth too.

But just the closeness and proximity to a hospital maybe.

Yeah, maybe if you live far away from a hospital.

Yeah.

So what did you decide to do the second time around?

I mean, I've heard you toss around the word home birth, but how did you come to that?

Like, how did that end up happening?

I think I honestly decided on home birth when I was in the car on the way to my first birth.

I was like, I'd never want to be in labor in the car again.

I think when I thought back on it, I was like, okay, maybe home birth is more for me.

But then, of course, you know, I had the experience of everything that happened at the birth center, and that kind of solidified things for me.

I was like, in hindsight, I wish, you know, thinking back on my first labor when I didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't want to leave the house, I should have just had grace right there at home.

But, you know, in hindsight, you don't know what you don't know.

But with all those things taken into account, I knew that home birth was the next best choice for us after having a baby at the birth center.

I knew that home birth is what we should have done all along.

And I started doing some research.

I did the Google of North Carolina midwives and things like that.

I'm sure that didn't get you too far.

No, it didn't.

I wasn't really into the home birth community yet.

I didn't know anyone who had had a home birth yet.

But I mean, I had when I had done my previous research about unmedicated birth, I'd read a ton about home birth.

And I just started Googling.

And I found a midwife who was actually going to be out of the midwife who I'd actually heard a couple things about.

She was going to be out of the country on my due date.

So I start freaking out and I contacted my doula.

I said, Do you know anything about home birth or home birth midwives?

And she said, Yes, and gave me her information.

And I sent her a message.

And it was like immediate connection.

I feel like I talked to her.

She put me on the books without ever meeting me.

She said, You know, let's do this.

I mean, of course, I had the referral from my doula who knew my midwife.

And so she had vouched for me, you know, kind of sight unseen.

And we went from there.

She came and we met, you know, talked about home birth, about why we wanted to home birth.

I think I told her, you know, our story of Grace's birth.

We signed up to home birth.

Okay, so how was that experience different for you than the birth center with your second pregnancy?

The first thing that comes to mind is how much more laid back it was.

I had had a really hard like, so when I was at the birth center and I was doing prenatal care, I had had a really hard time getting blood drawn.

I'm a really difficult stick.

And that was really stressful.

They, you know, I had one appointment where they tried to draw my blood.

I think three different nurses came in to try and draw my blood.

They eventually sent me to LabCorp to have it done there.

I didn't have anything like that with my prenatal care.

You know, my midwife came.

I mean, she did all the initial things that she would need to do.

Of course, she, like, checked my blood pressure and all the things that she would need to do.

But it was just low stress.

There was no...

Well, the ball is a lot more in your court.

So if you want to get blood work done, then you can go get blood work done.

But you don't have to go get blood work done.

It's your decision.

Right.

And I never felt like when I was in my first pregnancy, I was just kind of going through the motions.

I was not empowered like I was with Blake's pregnancy, my second baby, my first home birth, with my home birth midwife.

She kind of empowered me to make my own choices.

She never pushed me into anything.

It was more of a, do you want to do this?

Then this is what we're doing.

That's great.

That's how it should be for everybody.

Right.

This is your body.

This is your baby.

Right.

You should be allowed to decide how you want it to look.

You can happen to it, not it happened to you.

Right.

And it's not like you were going in blind.

I mean, you first of all had done all that research before your first baby, and then you'd already had a baby.

So it's not like you were just head in the sand, declining things that you didn't know anything about.

I mean, you knew what you were doing.

Right.

So your first baby came at 40 and 2.

How far along were you when the second one came?

So she was 40 and 1.

So she came at 40 and 1, and she was one pound more than her sister.

Well, her sister was pretty small.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She came in, graced it at about 6 pounds, and Blake was about 7.

Yeah.

So she came at 40 and 1.

We were at home in the middle of the night.

I woke up about midnight, and my stomach hurts so bad.

And I went to the way our bedroom is.

It's our bedroom, and it's connected to our bathroom and our closet.

But across the hall is what's now the girl's bathroom.

So I went to the girl's bathroom, and my stomach was really upset.

And so I thought, and I sit there for a while, and Grace is asleep in her room, which is right next door.

I'm sitting there thinking, this is painful.

Like, maybe this is not an upset stomach.

I said, I think I finally sat there for about 10 minutes.

I was like, I'm in labor.

And I called my husband.

I'm like, we're having a baby.

I called my mom.

I called my midwife.

I said, guys, we're having a baby tonight.

But I just knew it was totally a different experience.

Than with my first.

I just knew this is what it is.

We're having this baby.

It's time.

It was almost like with my first labor, I was in denial.

This is going to take forever.

All the things that they tell you.

But this time, after having already gone through it, I knew.

This is it.

Yeah, this is it.

My first labor was seven hours in total.

So I knew that things are getting ready to start happening.

And I started timing my contractions and things like that.

And they were already two minutes apart.

So I think I had been in labor while I was sleeping, maybe.

I didn't even know the first stages of labor.

Had you like first or second, had you lost your mucus plug or anything else?

I mean, I kind of had thought I did.

I'd had the discharge where...

Right, like there's a lot more at the end.

It's amped up.

Yeah.

But so maybe I lost it gradually, but no, with my first and my second, I had no signs of we might be going into labor.

And then when I woke up with Blake, I think my body was trying to get everything out.

And then I was having pretty consistent contractions.

Yeah.

Immediately.

Okay, so it's midnight and you're in labor.

How does it go?

So I call my midwife and I call the doula.

I call everyone like we're having this baby today, soon.

So my midwife tells me we'll go get in the bath, chill out and let me get time to get there.

Because at the time, she still lived near Winston.

So it was going to be a while before she got to us.

My doula lived closer and the birth assistant, she lived closer.

But it was going to be a little while before everybody got to me.

So she said, go get in the bath, chill out, hang out.

We're coming.

So everybody starts getting here.

I'm in the bath.

And I think it was probably it was over an hour, maybe close to two before everyone was here.

My birth pool was filled and everything was kind of situated and we were just waiting.

So I make it downstairs and things are kind of just slowly progressing.

And this is about an hour three.

I've gotten on the birth ball.

I haven't gotten in the pool at this point, but the pool is ready and things are just chugging along.

Then my midwife suggests to go sit on the toilet.

Ah, yes.

Uh-huh.

Smart midwife.

She's so smart and she knows what to do.

She's like the smartest person I know, but oh my goodness, the toilet.

So I go sit on the toilet and you know, all that gravity.

Things start happening.

So I sit on the toilet and then I'm like, I have to get in the pool.

I need some relief.

So I get in the pool for a little while.

And we kind of go back and forth like that for a couple hours.

And things amp up pretty quick after that.

We get to about hour five and things are pretty intense.

And I am hanging on to the dishwasher.

I am squatting and changing positions, kind of how I feel like I need to.

It's very hands off, which is what I wanted.

Everybody is giving me my space, other than the occasional suggestion.

Like, hey, try this position.

Hey, try that.

But no one is forcing me to do anything.

Just kind of gentle suggestions.

Everyone is super supportive.

Like, you got this.

You are doing great.

And when we hit about hour five is when things start amping up.

I'm holding on to the bar, squatting at like the bar in my kitchen.

And I said something's happening and my water breaks.

So everyone is kind of quickly cleaning that up for me.

And my midwife checks me.

She says, you're getting ready to have a baby.

If you want to have a baby in the water, you better go.

So we start getting to the pool.

And I get in the pool and she says, you know, whenever you're ready, like, you know, it's time.

And so I was at 10 centimeters, baby's head was there.

You know, it was happening once my water broke.

And it was the same way with Grace.

Like my water broke, baby's head was there.

It was pretty quick once it started going.

So I get in the pool and, you know, there's a little bit of a sense of relief.

And then I start finally feeling what it feels like to need to push.

So I think I...

Right, because you didn't experience that the first time.

No, yeah, I didn't know what that felt like.

And so I think I expressed that to my midwife.

I said, I think I need to push.

She said, well, go ahead.

Yeah, push and push your baby out.

And I start to push and I think I push maybe 10 times in total.

And baby's head pops out.

And my midwife tells me, you know, go ahead and, you know, try and bear down and push the rest of her out.

And she comes out and super tangled, super tangled in her cord.

I mean, all tangled up.

And that's funny.

You can hear in one of the videos, my midwife, she's like, girl, you are tangled.

And it was just funny because, you know, you worry about those things.

Is baby tangled in utero and things like that, you know, or anything that's an emergency.

But it was super chill.

No one was freaking out because baby had cord everywhere.

There was no panicking, very relaxed.

Everyone's super excited.

And then I picked baby up out of the water and put her on my chest.

And she's here.

And I, I cannot even explain the feeling of just, of course, happiness, but it's, it's euphoria.

It is the most, what's the good word?

The strongest I've ever felt.

Happiest, strongest, best feeling, which is crazy to say after you've just had the pain of pushing a baby out.

But it was just redemptive.

I felt like a different person.

I love that.

I'm sitting over here looking at you with goosebumps.

Because I know the feeling you're talking about.

It's like you want everyone to experience that.

It's like once you've done it, you're like, oh, if everyone could just have a baby and experience this.

There's no comparison to how strong you feel after you have given into your body and trusted yourself and trusted God's plan for you, which was really the catalyst for me choosing Natural Birth.

It's because I believe that I was created not necessarily for this purpose, but I was designed in a way that I am totally capable of this, and this is how it was intended.

And just the wake up call that that is.

Once I had that redemptive birth, it changed everything.

What a wonderful creator and designer we have.

Okay, so was that postpartum any easier than your first?

Oh yeah, I felt, I didn't have the difficult recovery.

I didn't have to have, you know, there was no episiotomy, so I didn't have to have stitches or anything like that.

So the physical recovery was definitely better.

And also, I was so much happier.

I felt like after my experience, I mean, I told everyone I could about it.

I was just, I was elated.

It could not have gone better, I think is what I told everybody.

It couldn't have been better.

So my postpartum, you know, it was totally different.

Breastfeeding was easier.

I felt more confident, more capable.

It was overall a better experience.

There wasn't as much of a struggle.

Good.

Did you guys figure out Grace's latching issue?

Was it like a tongue-tie issue, or was it like a nipple issue with you?

Like, was there any issue that you guys could trace back to why she had such a hard time and why maybe Blake didn't?

So now, we didn't get the tie situation figured out when she was a baby, but she is in speech therapy now, and she's been evaluated and all those things.

And she doesn't have a tie or anything like that.

And my nipples are flat, so I think that may have been an issue then.

But also, too, and I've noticed this with my third baby, is I was so engorged, and I don't know if it was because she was so small, she could not get her mouth on my breast.

It's like she could not get the proper suction that she needed to.

Now, when I'm super engorged and baby has a hard time, because he is tied, my third, I'll pump a little bit off, and when my breast is softer and not so hard, he does fine, latching.

Because he is tied up.

Whereas Grace didn't have any ties, which kind of surprised me.

When we started speech therapy, I thought surely they're going to evaluate her.

And that will be the problem that she had, you know, latching and issues with her speech.

That would solve everything, but that hasn't been the case.

I'm going to need to do a whole episode on tongue ties and lip ties and revisions and bodywork and everything, because it does come up a lot.

And I feel like before I experienced it firsthand, I had no idea what any of that was.

Right.

I was like, what is a tongue tie?

What does that have to do with anything?

But we'll save that for another day.

So, okay.

So great.

Another good postpartum for you.

And then we know you have an 11-week-old boy right now.

So what happened there?

How much time between Blake and getting pregnant with him?

So everybody is spaced about two years apart.

So the girls are two years and three months or four months.

And Blake, my second, and Reese, our baby boy, they're about two years and four months.

So we kind of made the...

And it didn't take as long this time to get pregnant.

I think it took about four months this time.

So things went a little bit quicker, which was nice.

And when we found out, when we found out I was in the bathroom and my husband was in the shower and I opened the shower curtain and I showed him my pregnancy test.

I said, we're having another baby.

And both of us are just looking at each other and shaking our head like, oh my goodness, this is happening.

It's a funny moment to look back on now.

I just popped in on him in the shower and said, it's time.

Here we are.

Because I had taken a test the week before and it was negative.

So I thought, you know, I don't know if I just took it too soon or what it was, but I took one the next week.

So I felt like I was pregnant.

And even my eyelashes looked different.

I was like, something is off.

And sure enough, I was pregnant with Baby Boy, who we didn't find out was Baby Boy until he was born, which was awesome.

You didn't know the gender this time.

No, that was really cool.

So I assume you went back with the same midwife.

I used the same midwife.

I had the same plans.

I didn't...

Predatal care was even more laid back this time.

I had felt much more confident, you know.

And I think my midwife had seen the way I birth and labor and things, and knew that I was, you know, totally healthy.

My blood pressure was good.

All the things that the midwife checks.

Everything was trucking right along, kind of the same as with Blake, who was my first home birth.

Predatal care was good.

Same midwife, and everything kind of went as normal.

So I had it in my head, and I was like, well, my pregnancy is the exact same as the last one.

I'm having another girl.

Yeah.

I just knew it in my head.

I was like, well, this is another girl.

Nothing was really different.

I mean, I was a little bit more tired, but I also had two kids already, two little, little kids.

That'll make you tired.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, so we choose not to find out the gender this time.

Was that just for fun?

Like, hey, let's just not find out this time.

Yeah.

Well, and, you know, it's not that we didn't care either way.

That doesn't sound right.

But truly, we didn't care.

Like, we were gonna be happy regardless, as long as baby was healthy.

That's what we told everyone.

Like, we don't care if it's a boy or a girl.

We're just happy to have a healthy baby.

And we are excited for the surprise of it.

It made it...

It just made it more exciting than it already is.

Right, the birth, right?

Because there's just one more element of, you don't know what's gonna happen.

Right.

And that was super cool.

Yeah, I would definitely...

A lot of people say, I can't imagine, I can't imagine.

I'm like, once you do it, I might never find out the gender again.

Like, it was so exciting if we have more babies.

I don't know that I would find out if we have another one, because it was just...

The anticipation was really cool.

So, then, how far along were you then when this third labor happened?

So, I went to 41 weeks with this one.

Ooh, I bet that wasn't as much fun for you.

No, I kept thinking, okay, today is the day, today is the day.

When we hit that 40-week mark, I was like, well, we're going to have the baby tomorrow, or today, and then the next day came, and the next day came, and still no baby, still no baby.

And then my midwife said, well, you know, I'll come see you again next time this week.

I said, no, you won't.

I'm already going to have my baby by then.

And the next week came, and she came for a visit, and still no baby.

Little known fact for those people listening, you and I were pregnant and due at the same time with the same midwife.

And I did end up having my baby a few days before you.

Yes, you did.

But I remember when she came for my postpartum or for my like, I guess it was like my three-day checkup or something when she came back to the house.

She was so tired.

And I was like, has it been a busy week?

And she was just kind of like shaking her head.

I'm pretty sure.

I think it was like three or four babies she had that week, like clients that was just like back to back to back to back.

And I think we were all repeats too.

Yeah, we were all repeat clients.

So, yeah, I just remember being like, do you need some more coffee?

Right.

Because then she had to like go off and do a full day of, I think, home visits for people who were doing like their 36-week appointments or something.

So, yeah, poor girl.

Hope she's had some sleep by now.

I'm sure she has.

All right.

So tell us how labor starts at your 41 weeks.

So at 41 weeks, I, this was a totally different experience.

I, well, not totally.

I woke up in the middle of the night and had an upset stomach.

So I thought, okay, we're getting ready to have another baby.

I mean, it was just like with Blake.

I woke up around midnight, had an upset stomach.

I was like, okay, we're fixing to have a baby.

No baby.

I truly just had an upset stomach.

I think, I don't know if I had a stomach bug or you know what?

I don't know.

Things did not progress after I had that upset stomach.

I went back to bed, got up the next day, and I was having contractions, which was not normal for me, like contractions that were not progressing.

You know, nothing was happening.

So I was having prodromal labor, and I had had such an upset stomach and I felt so terrible.

My husband took the day off to be with the girls, and my midwife recommended actually getting an IV.

So I had an IV done, I think it was about 10.30 that morning.

Just like fluids and stuff?

Yeah, just some fluids and vitamins and things.

After that, my contractions got worse, but they still, nothing was progressing.

It wasn't anything that I felt like, you know, baby was coming.

And I was, you know, in constant contact with my midwife, letting her know what was going on.

I kept getting in and out of the bathtub just to try and, you know, relax through the contractions.

They weren't anything that was extremely painful.

It was just, they were there, and it was difficult.

But finally, she, I think they had had a field trip that day, and she, I guess she had finished with the field trip maybe and asked if I wanted her to come by.

I said, yeah, you know, let's just see where we are.

So she came by and checked me out and stuff, and baby was ready to go.

But he was, his head was not in the position where it needed to be.

So she gave me some things to do, to like pull up on my belly just a little bit with a wrap.

I walked around and had my belly pulled up some to get his head where it was supposed to be.

And she said, I'm going to run to the grocery store, and you need to check back in with me.

Like, I'm going to go pick up my groceries, go home and unload them.

And she said by the time that she had gotten her groceries home, I was calling her.

Like, we are, it's happening.

It's time.

So that was at about 5 p.m.

So it's getting close to dinner time.

My husband comes upstairs.

My mom has come to the house to hang out with the girls because, you know, I've been having those contractions.

And I know, like, things have changed.

So it's about 5 o'clock.

My mom comes over, hangs out with the girls.

My husband comes upstairs and starts timing my contractions, which didn't last very long because I knew at that point, you know, this is happening.

So I got up and I used the wrap again to pull up on my belly.

I had not called my midwife back like she told me to.

I just was kind of, you know, laboring, like thinking, you know, I had a seven-hour labor and a six-hour labor with the girls.

You know, I have time, and I had never experienced prodromal labor before.

So I kind of knew when things had changed, but at the same time, I think I was in that denial again, like, you know, I have plenty of time.

This is not going to be a big deal.

I did not have plenty of time.

So the real active labor starts happening around 5 p.m.

I think about 5 45, maybe 6 o'clock.

My midwife is on the way.

My husband's like, you have to call.

You know, I can't speak to him.

When I do get through a contraction, I was kind of grumpy towards him because he keeps asking me, do you want me to go fill the pool up?

I'm like, no, don't mess with the pool.

Don't talk to me.

And I should have known then.

Then it was time.

Yeah, it's happening.

So, my midwife says she's on the way.

And she lives, now she lives about 15 minutes from me, so it's not as big of a deal as when she was an hour away.

So she gets here, and I have made it to the bed, and I'm pretty deep into it.

And she gets up here, and she said she could hear me from downstairs, and she said to my husband, like, I'm just gonna grab some of these pads, like the Chucks pads, and she brings them upstairs, and she starts tucking them under me, because she knows, like, this is about to happen, just from the way I sound.

And she was here, I think, a total of eight minutes, and he was born.

Water breaks.

She is putting the pads under me.

Are you in your bed at this point?

Yes, I'm in the bed.

She's tucking the pads under me.

My water breaks as she's tucking the pads under me.

My water breaks.

I push one time, head comes out.

I think I push maybe two more times, body comes out, and my baby boy is here.

Was your husband in the room?

Yes, my husband was in the room.

My mom had left the girls downstairs watching Toy Story, came up, saw him born.

I mean, they were downstairs eating dinner at 6.30.

So, in total, it was an hour and a half.

Whoo!

Yeah, they're downstairs eating dinner, watching Toy Story.

I'm upstairs having a baby.

Having a baby.

So, what was it like then?

Did you like lift him up and see that he was a boy?

I picked, no, because no one said anything.

And I kind of picked him up, and I put him on my chest, and I said, it's a boy, isn't it?

And no one would say anything, so I looked down, and sure enough, it was a boy.

That's what I was just not expecting, but it was, and I was scared.

Honestly, I was like, I don't know what to do with a boy.

And then those feelings, as soon as I found out he was a boy, they like totally washed away.

It was like, this is my boy.

So, and you named him Reese, right?

Reese, yep.

So he's Steven Reese Everette, but we call him Reese, and my husband's name is Steven.

And he didn't, that's funny, he didn't know that we, I don't know how he didn't know or how we didn't, I mean, he knew we were going to name him Reese, but he didn't know, I guess, at the time that it was going to be Steven Reese.

I don't know how.

How did he miss that detail?

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe I just had that plan in my head and he didn't, I didn't say it out loud.

He knew it was Reese, but he didn't know that it was Steven Reese, until I told my midwife.

And then he's like, what, what?

Yeah, so that was extra special.

That's really sweet.

Okay, so first postpartum was hard.

Second postpartum, much easier.

How did your third postpartum go?

So it's funny, with my third postpartum, we actually, I had Reese on October 11th.

We found out October 1st that my husband was going to get a paternity leave.

This was the first time, so with the girls, he only got one week off.

This time, he got eight weeks off, which was a game changer, game changer.

Oh my goodness.

So he was here with us for eight whole weeks.

It was awesome.

That is incredible.

Yeah, it was so nice having him here.

That was, you know, the first time, I mean, we've been together over 10 years, and, you know, that was the first time that we have been together, obviously, for that long, you know, 24-7.

I was a little nervous.

Like, are we, are we gonna get on top of each other too much?

Like, are we gonna get on each other's nerves?

And it was not like that.

It was great.

I cannot, I can't imagine what postpartum would have been like if he would have only been here for a week.

I mean, it was magical.

Like, I was able to stay in the bed with the baby much longer, you know.

He was able to, like, bring me breakfast and take care of the girls for me.

It was a total game changer.

Having him here was great.

That's incredible.

That's like goals and dreams.

Yes.

I love that.

Ugh, postpartum.

It's like people, you know, we share birth stories, and people think, well, baby's out, so I guess the birth story's over, but it's not.

Postpartum is such a huge part of the whole process.

Like the pregnancy, the labor, the delivery, and then postpartum is a big part of it.

Right, the fourth trimester.

The next three months, which, technically, you and I are still in our fourth trimesters for these little baby boys.

But it really is, and having that extra help is, like, feels essential.

Like, especially when you have other kids at home.

To take care of.

Because, I mean, I tell people, like, I only have two hands, and we have a third baby.

You know, my whole pregnancy, I thought about that until right before when we found out that he was gonna be off for eight weeks.

I thought the whole time, like, how am I gonna do this?

You know, I only have two hands, and I have three kids.

So, yeah, having him here was...

It was awesome.

It was so great.

I will say, it does get easier as they get older.

Like, once they're out of the toddler phase, which I would consider, like, five, maybe six, depending on the maturity level of each kid, because some of my kids are definitely more mature than others.

But yeah, once you're, like, five or six, it is definitely helpful, because then you've got an extra, like, little helper on your hands, and it's really sweet.

Okay, so before we totally end this, what do you feel—and I know I'm kind of asking you off the cuff, so take time to answer and process— but what do you feel like the biggest lesson God taught you through the experiences of pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum and becoming a mother?

Like, what do you feel like the Lord taught you the most?

Or, you know, you can share more than one thing, too, if you want.

I think that he taught me the first thing that comes to mind is that I am capable and I'm in good hands.

And even when I feel like—you know, when I feel like I can— when I feel like I can't do it, I always can.

And I think it's because of my faith that I have that strength.

I think that that comes from somewhere deeper than just myself, and I couldn't feel that way if it wasn't from my faith.

It adds that confidence, and I don't think I— honestly, I don't think I could do it if I didn't have that faith.

And I think also, too, you know, it taught me that even in the moments where I feel like I'm not capable and like I can't do it, that I can, because the Lord is looking out for me.

And I've seen it even, I think I said before, like as a teenager, when I felt like I didn't have anyone to turn to, I could always pray.

And I, or if I'm in a tough situation, I have felt that the Lord has been with me.

And I've, you know, and that was, you know, at a young age.

So even, and so now as an adult, and especially as a mother, when I feel like I cannot go any further, I know that I can because, you know, the Lord is with me.

I love that.

Thank you for sharing that.

Well, thank you, Alex, for coming on and sharing all of your stories.

I really, really appreciate it.

Of course.

Thank you for having me.

Thanks again for joining us today.

You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram or email me at contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com.

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