031 - How Birth Can Bring You and Your Partner Closer Together (with Parker and Michaela Jones)

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SHOW NOTES:

When your first birth is an induction in the hospital that turns into a postpartum hemorrhage, and your second is a lightning fast birth where you had the baby in the van on the side of the highway…you could imagine holding off on having another baby for awhile, and even then, preparing for birth in a different way. But when you're able to describe your third birth as not only peaceful, but fun, I’d say that’s a great redemption story. I was blessed to sit down with Parker and Michaela as they shared with me the journey of how their third baby came to be, and every twist and turn throughout the experience! Seriously, tune in, this one’s not only heart warming, but has it’s downright hilarious moments too!

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TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the Pursuit of Surrendering It All to God.

Let's get started.

All right, everybody, I hope your week is off to a great start.

It is spring break around here for most people.

I know some people had it like the first week of March, which I thought was super early, but most people have it right now with Easter coming up and all the kids are out of school, which we homeschool, so my kids are already out of school.

But, you know, they're excited to see their friends during the day instead of waiting until after school.

But lots of fun playing outside together.

I know some people take trips for spring break.

I don't think we've ever taken a trip for spring break.

We're always just home.

But a lot of it's because Easter is coming up and my husband is a worship pastor.

So that is a big, big, big week for him and just for our family as a whole.

So we're getting ready for services, super excited.

And then we always go out to my mom's on Easter.

She lives about 45 minutes from here.

So she does an egg hunt for the kids.

And we just, you know, eat and hang out and play outside.

And that's pretty much our Easter.

If you are new around here or maybe you just haven't done this yet, and maybe you're just tired of hearing me saying it.

So once you do it, you don't have to pay attention to it anymore.

But please, if you have not, it does not take long at all.

Just go leave a rating and review for this show.

Hopefully a great one.

But that really helps get the message out there to other people who wouldn't see that this show exists otherwise.

And also subscribe, then you'll be able to hear each episode, even if you can't listen every week.

I know for me, I end up going on a long road trip or something, and then I can listen to episode after episode after episode, just kind of binge it like people do for Netflix shows.

But I do it for podcasts.

So anyways, you can also take a screenshot of whatever episode you're listening to and share it to your stories.

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That's super, super helpful.

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When your first birth is an induction in the hospital that turns into a postpartum hemorrhage, and your second is a lightning fast birth where you had the baby in the van on the side of the highway on your way to a birth center, you could imagine holding off on having another baby for a while and even then preparing for birth in a different way.

But when you're able to describe your third birth as not only peaceful, but fun, I'd say that's a great redemption story.

I was blessed to sit down with Parker and Michaela as they shared with me the journey of how their third baby came to be and every twist and turn throughout the experience.

Seriously, tune in, because this one's not only heartwarming, but has its downright hilarious moments, too.

Welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

I am your host, Kayla Heater, and today I have a returning friend to share her third birth story with us.

So Michaela was here in episode three, way back in the beginning, and now she's since had another baby.

And I'm excited because her husband Parker is here, joining us to chime in as well.

So why don't you guys, for anyone who didn't listen to episode three, introduce yourselves, tell us a little bit about you before we get started.

So I'm Michaela, I'm 26.

We have now three babies, four, three, and two months old.

And we've been living in Greensboro for about five years because Parker is a youth pastor at our church, a local church in the area.

And that's me.

You can go.

I'm Parker, I'm 28, and all the same things.

Yeah, I mean, that's the basics.

Great.

Okay, well, we got to hear your first two birth stories earlier in the podcast.

And for anyone who wants to listen to those, I highly suggest there are some great stories, in my opinion.

And we'll probably maybe reference them a little bit today, but let's find out how this next story unfolded.

So, how far apart were baby number two and baby number three in terms of how long after baby number two did you get pregnant with number three?

So, Jax was...

About two and a half when we got pregnant with Dallas.

And that was kind of what prompted us wanting to be pregnant was realizing how much...

Our first two were so close together that the age gap between our youngest and this baby seemed really big if we waited any longer.

So, yeah, they're about three years apart now.

Yeah, well, and I think, I mean, it was right after 21 days of prayer in January, and we had been praying about it, and that was kind of like our focus is...

Because, I mean, to be honest, after those first two stories, we were kind of ready to be done.

But also, we were ready to be done, but also our family did not feel full yet.

And so we were praying about that, and we got pregnant like right at the end of that, right?

You sure did.

Because you, Michaela, texted me, and you were asking me questions about possibly getting pregnant and possibly trying, all this stuff.

And in my mind, I'm like, when you say you're going to try, does that mean you've already been trying?

Because then, I swear, it was like a week later, you were like, I'm pregnant.

I was probably just searching for confirmation that it was working.

Yes.

Yeah, I mean, it was pretty wild.

It was like the first time we tried.

Well, I mean, you guys are very fertile.

If you listen to the first stories, we know that you're very fertile.

Praise God.

Praise Jesus for that.

Yeah, so I mean, I think, and we were at a much healthier spot.

We had been in marriage counseling for about a year and a half, and kind of worked through some of the trauma of the first two experiences.

And I mean, I just remember the moment you told me was just so different from the first two times that you told me.

It was kind of a, I mean, it was way more of a celebration than it was like, oh, okay, what are we gonna do?

Because I mean, we had Declan, total surprise, first one, and then we had Jax, our second.

And when we found out we were pregnant with him, it was kind of like a, if we don't get pregnant now, we'll never get pregnant again.

Because it was so traumatic the first time around, and it was just kind of like, okay, we're kind of forced into the baby season, so let's just do it, you know?

And I mean, obviously we still prayed about it and made sure we were in a good financial spot.

We moved houses to kind of prep for that and grow our family.

But yeah, I think that we just hadn't taken as much time as we needed to work through some of the stuff that we needed to work through from that first baby.

So having the announcement for the third was much happier.

So we know the first one was a hospital birth, and the second one you had at a birth center.

Well, kind of.

You got your care at a birth center.

So how did you decide to go about care this time?

That's a great question.

That is a fantastic question.

Well, I think I was really hoping for a home birth, but our birth center was our compromise.

It just made Parker feel a little bit more comfortable.

I've realized in hindsight, I think birth center this time around was better for me than I realized because our house is really old, and I think I would have been really stressed prepping for a home birth in our house and wanting it to be perfect when it's not perfect.

So that's just a recent revelation, but I knew I wanted to do a natural birth again, obviously, and Statesville is the only birth center close to us, so I had to...

Well, it's the only birth center open anymore.

Currently.

Yeah, in North Carolina, I think, right?

Well, on this half of the state, yeah.

And I really wanted to make it there this time, too.

You wanted to actually have your baby in the birth room.

Yeah, I wanted to have that experience of just being in a nice environment and have the water birth, and so that was it.

We definitely discussed, I was holding out hope for a long time that Parker would be open to a home birth, but.

Yeah, I knew I wouldn't be.

I mean, you know, we first started talking about, well, she brought up home birth, and I don't like, you know, I don't feel like I.

There is no judgment here.

Please speak openly.

I don't feel like I draw like very strict boundaries in our marriage very often, like at all.

I mean, it's a, you know, this is a partnership, you know, working together on all this stuff.

But I knew I was like, if you want me to be there, we cannot have it in the home.

There's just like, it's just not there.

Sorry, I don't think I realized how much trauma he really had from the van birth until we started talking about home birth.

And I realized it wasn't just like an opinion thing.

Like, oh, I think birth center's better than home birth.

It was for him personally, because of the trauma that he had, he would not be able.

He just felt more secure being in some type of facility establishment.

Well, and this brings up something that was a big part of the whole birth experience.

And it actually happened like three months before she came, or two months before she came, which was brain spotting.

Oh yeah, Ty talked about that in the last podcast, too.

Well, for me, I didn't, I had nobody to talk to me about brain spotting before.

I mean, I knew her experience from when she was in counseling and she did brain spotting.

But, and you know, I mean, there's a piece of it that was kind of like, it just seemed really far out there, you know?

And I was like, okay, that sounds interesting.

You know, it's almost like a, it almost at first, you know, at first, when somebody first brought it up to me, it kind of sounded like some kind of hypnotic, like, you know what I mean?

It just thought really far out there.

But when people that were really close to me in the counseling world that started suggesting to me, like our marriage counselor said, like, no, you need to do this, you know?

Especially when our marriage counselor started to kind of pick up on my trauma and how much I was dealing with from the past two.

And so when she said it, I was like, okay, and then one of our close friends that actually did the brain spotting, she's a counselor and she suggested it.

And she's a great Christian counselor.

And when she suggested it, I was like, okay, I trust these people more than I trust myself sometimes, you know, so like, and then when we did it, honestly, at the end of that, it was just such a, what I came away with was just a really great understanding of how closely God has connected all the parts of his creation, like, and in us, you know, the mind, the spirit, the soul, like everything, and the emotions, and how it all kind of like comes together was just pretty wild.

So did that and had like a really great experience.

Michaela was actually in the room, which was funny.

It was kind of a weird thing for her.

I think you said it was kind of weird that you didn't really want to be in there, but I was like, no, I think you should be in there.

Cause if we, if something happens, I want to like talk about it afterward in process, like, you know, I want you to know, you know.

So anyway, after that, I was like a totally different person when it came to conversations about birth.

So I definitely was not at the point yet where we could do a home birth.

Part of that is because we had already been so committed and been so far down the line with Statesville and with the birthing center already.

But that for me was like the changing point when I did, when I really did some intense counseling, like specifically to kind of heal that trauma.

So.

Can one of you just like give a super brief description of what brain spotting is so that someone listening to this isn't clueless right now?

And like, what are they talking about?

Well, the way that Emily explained it to me was that the part of your brain that is closest to the part that stores trauma is your optical nerve.

And so basically your vision has a lot of connections to like trauma and core memories and stuff like that.

And so basically it's this process where she kind of, it's almost like a chart is like four quadrants of like your view, your perspective, top left, top right, bottom left, bottom right.

And she'll kind of, it's almost like she has this little pointer thing and she just kind of, she has you retell the traumatic experience that you're trying to work through.

And then she has you follow the pointer as you're retelling it.

And she will see like where your spot is.

So that's like where the brain spotting quote unquote comes from.

And when she finds your spot, she helps you like work through and untangle that piece of trauma in your brain.

And it's kind of crazy how it works because like, I mean, it was kind of weird at first, because when she found my spot, again, I was kind of skeptical about it at first.

At this point, I just didn't really know how it was gonna work.

Then when she found my spot, I was like looking at it, and like my eyes started twitching.

Like my brain did not want to look there.

You know, it was just so weird.

And I was like, what is happening?

And then, you know, she kind of explained it through the process.

It just made so much more sense, you know?

So that kind of sounds like out there a little bit, but it was a really good experience for me, at least.

So it's cool.

I mean, I guess that's a good explanation for it, right?

Is that kind of what you know of it?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

She said your brain is like a filing cabinet.

And when you experience trauma, your brain doesn't have a place to put it.

And so through brain spotting, your body and your brain are able to process the trauma and give it a spot so that you don't have as much of an emotional and physical response to that trauma or memory.

What's also really weird is that, she said when you're doing that, the part of your brain that processes time, just it doesn't work when you're doing that because you're so focused in this one particular spot of your brain.

And I sat in one position.

What I literally felt like it was like 20 minutes.

I was like, man, that was so fast.

And Emily and Michaela were like, we just sat here for an hour and a half.

And I was like, Michaela, at the end of it, she was like, you sat in one position and did not move for an hour and a half.

That was crazy.

Not an inch.

Not an inch.

I mean, I was just locked in on focus, you know?

But I mean, it was cool.

Yeah, it was a great experience.

So highly recommended.

Well, that's great.

I mean, honestly, I have done some EMDR therapy myself, but I was curious to hear the brain spotting experience because I know they're similar.

Well, she said the guy that discovered EMDR is the same guy that did brain spotting.

Great.

Well, that would explain their similarities.

There you go, yeah, very, very similar, right.

Okay, so we've worked through a birth trauma.

We are feeling better about this upcoming third birth.

And how far along are you when things, when you think things are starting to happen?

Well, I started having painful contractions at 36 weeks.

Like, I had to go lay down because I was a little bit worried.

I was like, this should not be happening this early.

But they went away.

And then a week later, they, 37 weeks, which is when you're allowed to give birth at the birth center, legally, I woke up really early to some pretty painful contractions that were like, 15 minutes apart-ish?

I don't know.

They were close enough for about an hour, and I was texting Kayla, and I was like, I know it's really early, but these don't feel like just Braxton Hicks.

Well, Ann, hadn't you lost?

Oh yeah, I lost very, like, yes, I definitely lost my mucus plug.

Yeah.

And it was no question about it.

The plug was gone.

Yeah, and so my, so yeah, I was a little bit on alert because of that.

It was just a few days before, and I texted Kayla, and I was just really unsure.

I also was on edge because our last birth Right.

was so fast.

so fast.

So I was a little bit in my head about that, trying to be careful and make sure we get to the birth center in time.

They went away that morning, though.

Yeah, they went away.

You were like, get up, take a bath, take a shower, and we'll see what happens.

And then that stopped it.

And so for the following week or so, every day around the same time at night, I would get pretty painful contractions, but nothing ever progressed.

It always stopped.

When was the false alarm?

I want to say it had to be near the end of your 37 weeks.

It was the Friday of that week.

Yeah, it was the Friday of your 37 weeks, because I was still pregnant with Indy.

Yeah.

And Kayla's due date was before my due date.

Yes, my due date was first.

So I was like, I mean, I'm happy for you.

But I'm also a little bit jealous, but it meant that I could be there then if I was still pregnant.

So that was the one positive of that.

Yeah, it was.

So it was the same sort of deal where they had been happening for a few hours, about 15-ish minutes apart, and then they started getting more painful, and they were getting five to seven minutes apart.

And there was a part of me that was like, okay, it still could stop, but this feels like a natural progression in labor.

They were getting close together and more painful.

That's typically how it goes.

That's how it goes.

And so I called the midwife, and she immediately was a little skeptical, but so nice.

She was like, well, you know, it's your third baby.

They're known for causing false labor, prodromal labor.

But if it makes you feel better, come in.

And-

And I was not about to relive round two.

So I was like, we will go here as many times as you want.

But we'll get there.

So we drove there, and then, I'm not kidding you, the whole drive, five, seven minutes apart.

The second that we get out of the car and into the birth center to get checked, they just stop.

So I was like, I was very discouraged that day, because I was very hopeful.

I was like, man, I'm gonna just have this baby early.

I'm gonna have this baby early, and she's gonna be smaller.

I had all these pros in my mind of having a baby early.

Anyways, so that was really disappointing, but the birth center that was on call was Erica, and she just knew exactly what was in my head and could see how discouraged I was and knew exactly what to say.

And she was so encouraging.

She's really sweet.

She was really sweet.

And yeah, she just really encouraged me and helped me set my expectations for the next few weeks.

Yeah, she basically was like, this won't stop.

Yeah.

She's like, you're gonna keep having these contractions.

Yeah.

So that's what kept happening.

And the mental game in the next few weeks was very challenging because I was very uncomfortable and in pain.

Again, it wasn't just like my stomach was getting tight, like Braxton Hicks.

Like I was having low, crampy, sharp pain in my pelvis.

Like I was in early labor.

So how far along were you when the real deal started?

Well, okay.

So this is the interesting part.

So I went in on my due date.

For like a regular appointment?

For a regular appointment.

Okay.

And she checked me and I went in knowing I want her to sweep my membrane because I want to get this moving.

Yeah.

I want to go into labor.

I was ready and we were there.

And we were there.

Parker came with me.

I was like, just, I know sometimes it takes time for a membrane sweep to work.

Just come.

Oh, so you like brought all your stuff?

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Oh yeah.

I brought my.

So you were like ready.

I was ready.

I just had this.

You were like, I'm going to go to an appointment and I don't want to go home.

No, literally.

And so I went in and they checked me.

They're like, and I told them right as soon as she walked in, I said, I want a membrane sweep.

She was like, okay, well, we'll check you.

We'll see where you're at.

See if that's possible.

See if it's possible.

And she checked me and her response was exactly the response I was looking for.

She said, oh my.

She was like, you are a perfect candidate for a membrane sweep.

She was like, you are, what was I?

I was three centimeters dilated.

She said, but.

You were four.

She swept you to a five.

No, she was three and she said I could stretch you to a five because it was so thin.

Yeah, it was so thin.

But she prepared me.

She was like, it could still take a few more days.

And I didn't, you know how you talk about how membrane sweeps are like super painful?

Yes.

I told her, I said, this is not as painful.

That means that you were more dilated and more thinned out.

That's what she said.

It hurts really bad if you're like one centimeter and really thick.

So like the thinner and wider you are, the less it hurts.

Yeah.

So that's what happened.

And so I was very encouraged and hopeful.

But she told me, she said, sometimes it takes another membrane sweep for it to really kick in.

Sometimes it takes a few days.

You're still gonna be really crampy and probably start having some bloody show.

And she was like, but you know, we're here if anything happens.

So what time of the day was that?

That was 3 p.m.

So you guys were just gonna like hang out for a little bit before heading back.

All right, let's go get a coffee.

We went to get Mexican food is what we did.

Oh yeah, we went out Mexican food.

At this point, I'm very happy.

I'm like, yeah, I'm on cloud nine.

We were just vibing.

We're there, I'm eating Mexican food.

We're two minutes away from the bursting center.

I'm like, we're definitely not having a car baby this time.

And I immediately after that, they were closer together, getting more intense.

Oh, so you were already having contractions.

As soon as we sat down to eat, it started picking up fast.

The weird thing about my prodrombolabor is when I was sitting or laying down is when it happened the most.

But when I stood up to move around, they would stop.

Must be a positioning thing.

And I tried the mile circuit so many times, but that was my same thought.

I was like, she's in a weird spot.

So I noticed that when I was walking around, they were getting closer together, which was the opposite of what was happening before.

So again, just super hopeful.

That evening went on, we went to just walk around Walmart, which, side note, Statesville Walmart is the nicest Walmart I've ever been to.

It was like a department store.

I was just...

And if you don't know me, I love nice Walmarts.

It's like almost Target to me.

Weird fact about me.

So we were walking around Walmart and I was...

It was getting intense.

It was getting intense.

What, were some two...

No, they weren't two minutes apart yet.

Some of them were.

Some of them were, but it was still kind of going back and forth, back and forth.

And we called the midwives and I told them the situation.

I just had my membrane swept.

I've been in prodromal labor.

This could be more prodromal labor, but it feels different.

What should I do?

And they're like, well, why don't you just come?

They were super accommodating, so nice.

Because I don't know why I was just expecting them to be like, no, you're crazy, don't come in.

I was just very in my head doubting what was going on.

And they were like, just come in, we'll get you checked.

So I got there and I was still at a five, which you can be put under observation if you're five centimeters, I guess, there, I think.

Yeah, I think you have to be at least a five for them to let you stay.

Yeah, so it was what, 6, 7 p.m.?

It's only a few hours since the appointment.

Hadn't been super long.

Is that when you texted me and you were on the ball?

That was a little bit later.

So we went outside and did some curb walking.

And that was when they were getting really intense.

I was having a lot of back labor.

They were like two minutes apart.

And I was like, okay, I'm gonna have this baby tonight.

This is what was happening.

But we were having so much fun.

We were just walking and hanging out.

And Parker was reading birth scriptures to me and taking videos.

He was just so...

We were both having so much fun, which is a very new experience for us with laboring.

Well, I've told people many times, I feel like this is the first birth that we have experienced together.

Yeah, that's true.

Which was really special.

So we were just having fun.

And then we went in, and she said I was a five, six, five to six.

And I was getting really tired, and they were really close together.

And she was like, oh my gosh, yeah, come in the room.

So I got in the room, and things kind of stalled out again.

Not stalled out, but they were going back and forth.

They would get close together, and then they would space out, and they'd get close together, and then they would space out.

And I was really trying to stay calm.

I'm like, no, my body can do this.

I'm like, I'm gonna let it happen.

And it just was not working.

And they have a policy at the birth center where if they don't see progression within four hours, where if they don't see progression within four hours, they have to do something to intervene.

Or you can leave.

Or you can leave, but they were really worried about me leaving because my last birth was so fast.

They didn't want you to drive home.

They didn't want me to go all the way home and then have another car baby.

So they were really pushing.

And technically, you were not at six yet.

Yeah.

So you could leave.

If you were six, then technically you were in active labor and you wouldn't have had the option to leave.

That explains it more.

Well, they were really wanting...

They weren't super pushy, but they were a little bit like, we can break your water and have this baby out in an hour.

They just kept bringing it up.

And I was really fearful of that.

I was like, I do not want you to bring my water.

They broke my water with Declan when they induced me.

That was when everything went down the ground.

And I knew it was gonna get a lot more painful if they did that.

So I was just really, really against it.

And so finally she came in, it was the four hour mark, and she said, I can tell you really don't want your water broken.

So here's like your option.

She's like, we can either do that or you, my recommendation would be you go stay in a hotel.

And it was midnight at this point.

And that was when I was around, I texted you some time in the middle of that is telling you they wanna break my water, but I don't want them to break my water.

Yeah, it was past midnight at this point.

Yeah, and I was getting pretty discouraged.

Like, oh, it's happening again.

And you were exhausted.

Yeah, I was very tired.

So, going and sleeping in a hotel sounded great.

Yeah.

I was like, okay, yeah, I'll go stay in a hotel.

We won't get into, we won't get in at all.

No, I've got to tell the story.

Okay, please tell the story.

I'll tell it fast.

So, long story short.

Guys, people share four or five birth stories in one episode, so this is just one.

So we have plenty of time for a little side story.

This is perfect.

I mean, these are the kind of things that'll make or break a birth experience.

So, well, really, an attitude is, because we could have had a bad attitude about this, but we were just happy to be there.

But we were trying to find hotels, and we were like at the, it's at the intersection world, at the interstate, the exits and stuff.

So we were kind of traveling back and forth across the interstate, trying to figure out which hotels had space.

None of them had space.

Every single hotel, we went to five hotels, and every single one of them were sold out.

I don't know what was happening that weekend, but-

Was it a weekend?

Something was going on.

Like a Friday night?

Yeah, well-

No, it was a Wednesday.

Oh yeah, that's right.

A Wednesday night.

What in the world is going on on a Wednesday night in Statesville?

I don't know.

So anyway-

Either they were sold out or they just didn't-

Yeah, they were like, it's 1 a.m.

you're pregnant, I don't want to do it at all.

So-

Marry and Joseph.

For real, oh my goodness.

In a room at the end.

Oh gosh, yeah.

And we did stay in the stable.

So we did find, we found a hotel, is it?

That is a word that I would not use to describe this place, but we did find a spot that had space.

And so I go in and I was very frustrated because the guy did not speak any English at all.

And I was like, I understand different nationalities and stuff, but why, I just don't understand how there's no way that I can check into a hotel, and it's just a hotel.

I'm trying to check into a hotel.

So he's calling somebody and I'm talking to somebody to reserve this room.

He's at the counter.

I'm talking to somebody on the phone to reserve this room because he can't speak English.

And so eventually we worked something out and they charged us so much money.

I don't know if it was because of the language barrier or what, but we paid for the room.

We also paid $200 for this.

They pay like a room.

Like a security deposit.

Yeah, like a security deposit thing.

And so all in all, we were out like $400 for this one night in the hotel.

And he points to the elevator and he tells us, this is just how you know, that it's a great, that it's gonna be a great night.

He points to the elevator, because we're on the first floor, and there's probably a four or five story hotel.

And he points to the elevator and he says, okay, you can go to the elevator, go down.

And I was like, I was like, say what?

This man just said, go down.

So we get in the elevator, we go down, the elevator opens and we see like laundry rooms, like utility closets.

And we go to the back room in the hallway, and there's like the windows that go out of our room.

You know, you're supposed to, you know, it's supposed to show like the outside of the hotel or whatever, it shows the bottom of the cellar, like outside, you know?

And so like, we walk in and the whole room just reek of smoke.

I mean, somebody had just like, yeah, somebody had tore it up in there.

It's like their smoke break room or something.

Right, it's their smoke break room or something, because it was rough.

And like the bathroom door was not on its hinges.

It was just sitting there.

Like, I mean, it was, it was an awful experience, but it had a bed.

And you know what?

It was so late.

It was so late, we did not care.

And I was so like, I needed to get off my feet, because I really wanted to sleep.

And I had this fear, like my water was gonna break or things were gonna progress if I didn't lay down.

Like I was like, I want to rest.

I don't want this labor to keep moving.

So I was really stressed about getting to bed and going to sleep.

And so I was like, just lay down, just gonna go to sleep and just block it all out.

I know.

We showed in.

Yeah, we slept in that room and we did not wake up.

We woke up next morning and we were ready to go.

Yeah, and they told us, unless something happens, they're like, just sleep in.

Just come in in the morning and we'll give you your next options basically to help the labor progress.

So did you get a full night's sleep?

Yeah.

I would wake up, I woke up a few times, I would wake up and be like, ooh, that was really strong.

Like it would wake me up, but then I would go right back to sleep.

They were really spaced out by the time we left.

So it really kind of, it was kind of a blessing in disguise, even though I was really discouraged.

So.

I'm still picturing this hotel room.

Did you take pictures of it?

Oh, we sure did.

Parker has a whole.

Video documentation of the birth.

Yeah, it's awesome.

And that's the thing, like again, if I had to sum up this birth with one word, it was just fun.

Like we, I love that.

We just, we're having fun and making the best of everything.

That's great, because if you had a bad attitude, that could have really sent you over yet.

Well, when we got in the elevator and I hit the down button, we just cracked up.

We were just laughing so hard.

The whole thing was an experience.

Not to mention, it felt like we were getting scammed at the check-in counter.

I mean, you did, $400 for.

That's what I'm saying.

That room.

Well, and like.

I stayed at Magnolia in Texas for $400 and gotten the experience of a lifetime.

Well, and the guy at the counter, this guy, bless his heart, he was so nice.

Okay, he was so nice.

It was just the language barrier, right?

So I just, he was smiling, I was smiling.

We had no idea what each other were saying, right?

And so like, he actually.

You should have gotten out like Google Translate or something.

Well, yeah, I wouldn't, it was 1 a.m.

I wasn't thinking how do I resolve this quickly.

He was just showing me the computer screen and I was like, yes, that one, you know?

And so he asked me for my card and Michaela, she, the way that she started thinking that we were getting scammed is that like, I tried to pay with like my normal debit cards and like I have two debit cards and a credit card.

None of them worked and he asked for a cash card, like cash app.

I was like.

I was like, we're for sure.

Yeah, I was like, I don't know about this.

So anyway, it worked and yeah.

We didn't get stolen from.

We did not.

We did not get scammed.

And we lived.

Right.

You're alive.

Right.

Anyways, so we slept in.

I loved that tangent story by the way.

That was awesome.

Feel free to cut it out if you need to.

So we slept in till 9 or 10 a.m.

It was, no, at this point, I'm like, we're on vacation.

Yeah.

We don't have tall buildings.

We haven't slept in till 9 or 10 since, I don't know when, with these kids.

We drive to the birth center.

It's a beautiful morning.

It's the, you know, October.

The leaves are falling.

It's still pretty outside.

The temperature was perfect.

I was like, this is a perfect day to have a baby.

We're gonna have a baby in the middle of the day.

It's gonna be great.

Very optimistic.

We go there and they're like, okay, so we can break your water or you can do the midwives brew.

Ah, midwives brew.

Yes.

You have experience with that.

Which I had experience with.

That's worked once.

But I'm at, I'm not over, from as far and over my due date as I was with Jacks.

You know, so I kind of, my expectations, I was hopeful it would help, but also wasn't sure what was gonna happen.

So we did the midwives brew and.

Did it taste good again?

It wasn't cold, but they do it with sprite instead of juice, and the carbonation was.

Helpful?

Helpful, I thought.

But I think I would have described it as good if it was cold.

But it was all room temperature flavored.

Almond butter and castor oil?

Yeah.

Did they put anything else in?

In the tea.

In the lemon tea.

In the tea, the lemon tea.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

And I did like a half dose, so they kept it there in case I wanted to do it.

Another one.

Another dose later.

The other thing that was so nice is they reserved the room for us.

So they were like, you can come and go as you please.

Okay, yeah, let me just talk about that for a second.

Because, okay, I was a little bitter from the last experience, because we did not have the baby at the birth center, but we for sure paid full price.

And that's not something.

Yeah, I mean, and I was not expecting that we wouldn't, but part of me always thought in the back of my head, I'm like, that kind of sucks.

You know, like.

You didn't get to use the facilities that you paid for.

We didn't get to use anything for what we paid for.

It's like, we had a four-hour recovery there, and then we left, and it was fine.

But this time, we definitely got our monies worth of it.

It was awesome.

Yeah, they had that thing reserved for us for like two days.

Yeah, it was really nice.

So we were walking outside, because it was a beautiful day.

I was just curb walking, because curb walking was what really got it going last time.

So I was like, well, let's just go walk outside.

I took the drink, and it was still the same thing.

They would get close together, and then they would space apart.

But I wasn't like out of breath laboring.

You know, I could talk through contractions.

They would get, I'd be like, ooh.

So it was still like early labor.

It was still definitely early labor.

And so we're just hanging out and waiting for things to progress.

The day went on, and I was getting really tired and hot.

I did not bring good clothes to labor in because I just was there.

You thought you weren't gonna be there that long.

I was hoping, yeah.

And it got really hot outside, and I was like in a sweater.

Let's strip that thing off.

Yeah, I should have.

And so we went inside, and it was afternoon time.

Whatever the mark was for them, that they had to check in.

Yeah, check me again and see where we were at.

And I had progressed a centimeter.

So they were like, yeah, you're like a six.

So you were like a seven.

They kept going between.

They were like, you're a six, or you're between six and seven.

But I still didn't feel like I was in labor.

And that was something else I kept saying.

I was like, I feel like, I don't feel like I'm really in labor.

Like, I know things are progressing, but I wasn't in that this is intense.

I'm really having to concentrate yet.

But I was so close to that that we didn't want to go home, right?

It was this weird in between limbo.

When that happened and I did see, okay, I progressed a little bit.

I did make some progress because they said I could take the castor oil again or they could break my water.

And something just switched where I was just ready.

I felt peace because I had so much fear and anxiety about breaking my water before that, especially because I knew it was probably a position thing that I was really afraid if I broke my water and she was in a bad position, it would just go downhill.

But yeah, I don't know.

Something switched and I was like, okay.

They came in, I was like, I'm ready for you to break my water.

I was like, I just want to get things moving.

I'm ready to dig in and get this baby out.

And it had been like 24 hours at that point.

Yeah, it had been 24 hours and-

Those third babies, they're either gonna be short or long.

Yeah, and so she's like, okay, great.

And them breaking my water versus the hospital breaking my water.

Wow, so different.

Night and day difference.

At the hospital, they stuck a hook up there.

Like a big old stick with a hook at the end.

Caught it with a bucket, and it was just very barbaric.

Honestly, that was what it felt like.

And it was just instant pain.

It was just very intense.

At the birth center, they have a little hook on the end of her glove, and it felt like she's like, it's gonna feel like a cervical check.

So she gently popped it and then supported the baby's head down while the water was trickling out instead of gushing out.

So anyways, I was so pleasantly surprised by that.

I was like, okay, this is not what I was, yeah, this is better at least.

And then things picked up.

So they broke my water around 4 p.m.

And it sent me into transition basically.

I was just laboring on the ball, having, you know, transition.

I was in transition.

It was an immediate switch.

I mean, you went from having really intense contractions to shaking when they started happening.

It's transition.

Yep, so I was going through transition, but I was feeling good.

I was very calm, breathing through it.

Making zero noise.

Like you do.

Right.

I know time is a little, time perception is a little wonky when you're in labor land, but it truly felt like I had five, seven really intense contractions.

And then I asked, can I get in the tub?

And they're like, yeah, sure, you know.

And I got in the tub and immediately felt pressure.

And like I wanted to push.

And I pushed.

Three times.

Three times.

Like I pushed once and then pushed twice.

Her head came out, pushed again, and her body came out.

It was intense.

It was very intense.

I mean, I was pushing with everything in me.

And that was around 430 that she came out.

So it was like, right.

I mean, your water broke, transition, and then there she was.

And she came out.

Like it was so fast.

Well, they kept saying, if we break your water, baby, we'll probably be here in an hour.

And I really didn't believe them.

I didn't believe them.

I was like, they just want me to break my water.

Well, I just think they knew you've been in prodromal labor for three weeks.

You've already been so dilated for so long.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure.

Yeah, I guess so.

So.

Well, it really is all about the position, like where the baby's head is.

Yeah, how low she was.

And how, right.

Yeah.

Yeah, so she came out.

And I remember I was a little bit in shock because of how, because I didn't even feel like I was in labor.

And like, I knew I was in labor.

I was feeling contractions, but I wasn't in that head space of I'm laboring until they broke my water, you know?

And then she came out and I was, I think one of the first things I said was like, I can't believe.

It's over.

It's over.

She's here.

Also, she was way harder to push out than Jax.

Like Jax just shot out.

Like I didn't have to do anything.

And then I had to like, work her out.

I was like, she felt bigger.

It felt like I am really getting this, working to get this baby out.

So I was like remembering that, and also just like she's here, but also so overjoyed that it happened so fast.

It was just a whole whirlwind of immediate, emotions and thoughts.

Well Parker, how was that for you, getting to like be there and see it, and not be like freaking out at the hospital, or not be driving a car while it's happening?

Way better.

I felt like I could actually support for the first time, which is a big deal, because I feel like, I mean, as the husband, and as a guy in general, I think you just want to do something to help fix it.

And it's like the only thing that you possibly can do is just be there and support, you know?

And I wasn't able to do that the first time.

Definitely was not, I mean, I drove.

The second I was driving.

But this time that was, you know, that was not the case, thankfully.

And so, yeah, it felt great.

It felt like really good.

Also, there was kind of this thing, you know, we were having conversations leading up to the birth, and for some reason, her being in the birth tub and having some kind of like barrier between us and what's happening down there, it was like very comforting for me.

I don't know why or how, but like the idea of her being in a birth tub versus me being like right there next to it was like really helpful.

And that's just kind of weird.

That's just kind of a weird me thing.

Like a little bit of space.

Yeah, right.

What's happening.

So, I mean, really, literally, I was just like sitting like right in front of her.

She's leaning over the tub.

And she's just like, you know, she's right there face to face.

Yeah.

And yeah, she was like squeezing stuff.

So you guys were face to face with each other.

So you were on your knees when you delivered?

Yes.

Yeah.

So all in all, I was like, yeah, it was great.

Yeah?

Yeah, it was great.

I mean, it's-

I asked him, I'm like, was it weird to see me like grunting?

Like, was I making, like, I was like asking him.

No, you don't make any, she just like, it looked like you were doing an intense workout.

I'm like, oh, isn't that weird for you?

He's like, no.

Well, that's what it is.

It is an intense workout.

Yeah, for sure.

That's true.

You're working the uterine muscle there.

I feel like it really brought us close, like it was a very bonding experience for us.

Yeah, for sure.

Well, I mean, like when we were sitting there, when you were sitting on the bed, you're laboring, and like we had the like music going in there, and like they had the little central oil infusers, and all that stuff.

And like, that's not normally my kind of vibe, but it was such a vibe, you know?

I was like, wow, this is nice, you know?

I'm just like reading, and you're over there just like rocking on your ball, you know?

So way different, yeah, way different experience.

Peaceful is the way I would describe it.

Yeah, it was very, yeah.

Fun, labor, peaceful environment.

Yeah.

This is great.

It was great.

Very redemptive.

How do you think that played into your postpartum then, this time?

Well, I feel like him being able to support me through the birth kind of translated over into postpartum.

I remember the first 24 hours, my boys stayed with my parents, so it was just the three of us at home, and he was just so attentive and so...

And so caring, which I know he was just...

Not that you're not attentive or caring.

He's like a whole new husband, he actually cares.

It was just things I know don't come supernaturally to you.

But I feel like because you just saw what I went through, he was just so like, okay, what do you need?

How can I help you?

Also, I feel like he bonded with Dallas a lot faster.

For sure.

And I don't know if we mentioned, but that's our baby's name.

A little girl.

Our first girl, we haven't even talked about that, but I feel like our dynamic in the birth really impacted our postpartum experience together, which was huge.

Well, let me just say, all the men out there, because I know you probably have the majority of people listening to this are men, right?

But all the dads out there, I had a few dads talk to me about it because I was stressed out about having a girl.

Really?

Unknown territory, also like, I don't know, just something about it kind of freaked me out to some extent.

I just, yeah, I don't know.

So I had a few guys come tell me, they were like, look, having a girl is like amazing, okay?

Don't worry about it.

It's gonna be amazing.

You're gonna turn to mush.

It's gonna be great.

And I was like, okay, yeah.

And I did not believe them until it happened.

And like that 24 hours, it took me a few months, honestly, to like really connect with my boys when they got to be a little bit more interactive.

And I mean, now, of course, we all have a great relationship and it's awesome, but it was an immediate thing with Dallas.

Like as soon as she came out, I was like, oh, I'm gonna protect this person with everything.

You know, it's like, I mean, it was just like really, it was an immediate experience.

She's looking at me, hey.

Right, she's here with us right now.

She is, yep.

She just woke up.

She's like, oh, you're talking about me?

She's like, what you saying?

Yeah, and it also was my first postpartum period, not being chronically depressed or anxious.

I bet that made a huge difference.

And no, it was crazy.

I was like, this is what it's supposed to feel like.

Obviously, postpartum is hard, and I had moments of joy and happiness in past postpartum experiences, but it was, I don't feel like I fully processed it or have words to describe it, but it was just so much better this time.

I wasn't fearful of everything.

I wasn't sad all the time.

I just got to sit and enjoy her and feel happy about my birth experience.

And also with her being my third, I feel like you just, I'm sure with every baby, you know how fleeting that time is.

And even though it's so hard, it is gone in a blink of an eye.

So I feel like I really just rested and enjoyed the moments that were enjoyable.

Yeah.

And obviously like we've done a lot of work in our marriage and our family too.

And I think that beyond the birth really played into our positive birth and postpartum.

We like really know how to work as a team now.

Yeah, I mean, well, because one of the most important things in that time is just communication.

I feel like that if you can't communicate your needs clearly and in a way that the other person can understand them, then it's very difficult for me to know how to support you or for vice versa, I mean, both ways.

And so, through marriage counseling and stuff, that's probably been the biggest thing that we've grown in is just our communication with each other.

And that translates into every area.

And for sure, this one, I agree there's a lot of work behind the scenes to make this one a lot different.

So, we weren't two months into marriage.

That helps.

Well, it sounds like you learned a lot and you had a blissful experience.

I mean, fun, peaceful.

Like this, and this is a great, I'm just sitting over here, just like loving listening to every part of this story.

Well, before we wrap up, is there anything else you guys want to say?

Any advice you have?

I mean, not to put you on the spot or anything, but just maybe anything you thought you might say today that you haven't said yet.

I actually did have a thought that I wanted to share.

Please do.

Kind of backtracking a little bit to, when we first found out we were pregnant, and Parker and I were disagreeing about where to have our baby, I kind of had this revelation, resevolution.

Rez-e-v-a-lation.

We are edumacated.

I started sharing with a few people, and this was not you, just to be clear.

But I started sharing with a lot of people my dilemma, and just feeling so upset about us disagreeing and him being so against a home birth.

And I had so many moms tell me, this is your birth, and he's not the one giving birth, and this is all about you.

Not, I'm paraphrasing, but this is like, in the birth world, I feel like this comes up a lot with moms to moms.

And they're like, the advice was either stick it to him, and you just tell him like it is, and you're gonna have a home birth.

You need to have the birth that you need, or fake it, and just stay home.

Like people told me that.

They're like, well, you have an accidental home birth on purpose.

Yes, exactly.

God, that's terrible advice.

And that would not have helped your birth trauma.

Well, and that's the thing.

I just realized how many moms giving birth really, and don't get me wrong, your needs and your desires are very important going into your birth.

But I feel like this birth really taught me how it can bring you and your husband or partner closer together, and you can work together, and how he is going through this just like I'm going through this.

And it took me a long time to even really validate his past negative experiences, because I was like, well, it's not as bad as what I went through.

But I don't know, that would just be my, that I guess encouragement slash challenge to anyone listening and maybe going through a similar experience is that we still need to not only are called to as Christians to respect our husbands, but you'll find a lot of blessing through working together and coming to a good place in your birth, rather than trying to do it alone.

Yeah, it's good.

Now, I think my, I guess advice, if that's what it is, would really be to just like make sure that the whole family unit is in a healthy spot.

I mean, especially if you're having more than one kid, if you already have a kid, then like do some prep work on the front end to like make sure that your kids know what it means to bring another baby into the family.

You know, like, I mean, I think Michaela did a great job with that.

She was, she bought some books and like would read with Declan and Jax about a baby sister and like, you know, things like that.

And she would ask them like, do you want a baby sister?

And like, you know, just kind of like work it in there.

And, and just to make sure that like you're doing the due diligence to make sure that every member of your family is included and nobody's forgotten.

Because I feel like what is good is that there's so much emphasis after a birth, especially that is put on the mom.

But there's also, and that's good.

I mean, that's needed, obviously.

But then there's a lot that's kind of like left for the rest of the family, just to kind of figure out.

And I think one of the reasons why I had so much trouble heading into a third baby with all the trauma and stuff I had to figure out is because there's really like no support system for like dads as far as that goes.

So it's like, and I said this jokingly, but Michaela actually said that her therapist talked about how there's a lot of research coming out now where this is very much a thing.

But I kind of joked the first couple of years after Jack's that postpartum depression was true for dads too, because I was like, I just feel like that's what I'm going through, as far as some of the birth conversations went.

And so apparently now it's like a really real thing.

I was kind of joking, but you know.

So anyway, I just think that just making sure that like a baby affects the whole family.

And so it's not just like, it's not just the mom, even though the mom is the priority in that season, for sure.

And at our house every season, right, babe?

But just making sure that your kids are good and that the husband has what he needs.

And the way that I'm able to support my wife better in baby conversations and in this season of Postpartum is because I had guys like my boss, like Jonathan at work and Rick.

I mean, they're the ones encouraging me and making sure that I'm good and encouraging me to go to counseling and all this stuff.

And if you just don't have that, then you could become a dad that just becomes very distant very quickly.

And it starts at birth, like how you start a season impacts how you finish it.

And it's like, I wanna finish well being a dad, so I wanna make sure that I'm healthy when they come in.

So anyway.

Yeah, no, I love that.

Thank you guys for sharing that.

I agree.

Thank you so much for being here today.

I really, really appreciate it.

Yeah, happy to be here.

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks again for joining us today.

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