024 - A Guidebook for Staying Rooted During Labor and Delivery (with Nicki Sipin)

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SHOW NOTES:

Sometimes birth doesn’t go as we planned, or maybe just where we planned, and that’s ok. God’s ways are above our ways, His thoughts are above our thoughts, and He can see the entire picture, unlike us. Today, Nicki shares not only the birth story of her daughter, but true inspiration from our beautiful creator, and how intricately He is involved in every detail of our lives. Get ready to go to church!

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the Pursuit of Surrendering It All to God.

Let's get started.

Happy February, everyone.

We have reached month two of 2024 already.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's going fast for me.

I wanted to share a quick story.

So if you have been on my Instagram on Surrendered Birth Services, and you have watched my highlight that says my story, the highlight basically just goes through my story and kind of where I came from, and how I got to running this business and doing this podcast.

But in it, you will see my son Jensen is my middle son, and kind of everything he's gone through, but also Jensen has really long hair, and he always has basically he had the curliest, cutest, sweetest, blondest hair, and I never wanted to cut it.

And then on this third birthday, finally I agreed because my husband had been asking if we could cut it.

And on his third birthday, I finally agreed, okay, we can trim it a little, even it up a smidge, because he had these like long curls in the back that just kind of kept going and looked a lot longer than everything else.

So I said, okay, that's fine.

We can trim it up.

It's great.

Well, we did that, and then I was cool with it.

I was like, great.

One of our friends cuts hair.

She came to the house.

She did it.

Jensen was sitting on my lap.

I was happy with it, and we were moving on.

And then my husband said, he said, oh, I just want to take a little bit more off the edges, a little bit more off the sides.

And I was like, I mean, I don't think it needs anything else, but if you think it needs something else, just a little bit.

He was like, yeah, just be a little bit.

So then I had to go get ready for work, and then Jensen sat on my husband's lap.

I was in the other room getting ready, so I didn't see what was going on.

And when I came back out and saw his haircut, it was way more than just a little, which isn't our friend's fault because Chris was telling her to do it.

But I mean, I don't think I've been so upset in our marriage, maybe ever, which sounds funny because it was over a haircut.

But seriously, I love my son's hair so much.

And I cried, okay?

So there's that.

And I was mad.

I was mad, crying in front of nd them, got in the car.

And so anyways, and of course, it was all exaggeration, never.

It was losing its luster.

So I let my husband cut it, and I'm still getting used to it.

It's been a couple of weeks and I'm still getting used to it.

When your son has had long hair for as long as you've known him, basically, since he started growing it, to see it so short is like, and it's not even as short as my other sons, but it's like really short for him.

So I'm still getting used to it.

I think it looks kind of mullety.

So I think I want to cut it even more, honestly.

Okay, so I'm not going to go over the topic of the podcast, but I have yet to post an official picture of like, hey, here's his before and here's his after, because I'm just not settled about it.

And it looks so much darker now, and he looks so, I don't know, you know, it's different.

If you're a mom, you get it.

You understand how big of a difference a haircut can make.

Okay, anyways, moving on.

Now you know about Jensen's hair.

So, wow, I thought that was going to take me like 45 seconds to share in like four and a half minutes later.

That's something if you don't know it about me, I have a hard time summarizing a story.

I don't know.

For me, I'm like, oh, you need the details, you need the context or you don't really understand what's going on.

You can't really picture it in your head or I want you to picture it accurately.

So my apologies for this story and any future stories that you think are too long.

Feel free to fast forward through them.

Okay, so now it's February, our Q&A episode is in less than a month.

So if you could please submit a question or multiple questions for that episode, we are excited as we prepare, we're getting ready to record it.

And so if you could submit your questions to our email, which is contact at surrenderedbirthservices.com, or you can shoot us a message on Instagram, which our handle is Surrendered Birth Services.

So if you haven't gone over there yet and followed us, please do.

I update little clips of the podcast every week along with a few other things.

So please follow us over there.

And also if you haven't left a review of the show yet, please, please do.

It helps us so much.

It helps to get this podcast in front of other people.

We don't make any money from this podcast.

I want to make that clear.

There's zero income from this podcast.

We actually spend money to produce this podcast, but it really is a heart passion project for me and my husband, honestly, he loves helping me with it.

He does all the backend stuff and I do all the recording and birthday stuff.

So when you leave reviews though, it helps the show get out in front of more people and more people can see it.

So we want more people to be able to hear it and to be inspired by these stories that these women and couples are sharing.

So thank you in advance.

Now, sometimes birth doesn't go as we planned or maybe where we planned and that's okay.

God's ways are above our ways and his thoughts are above our thoughts and he can see the entire picture unlike us.

Today, Nicki shares not only the birth story of her son, but true inspiration from our beautiful creator and how intricately he is involved in every detail of our lives.

Get ready to go to church.

Well welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories.

Today I have a very old friend who I haven't talked to in a really long time, but was able to reconnect through this podcast, which is really cool.

So I'm going to have you go ahead and introduce yourself.

Tell us a little bit about you, who you are and kind of what your life is like right now.

All right.

I am Nicki Sipin.

I am an outdoor enthusiast.

I've been married about four years.

My husband is in the Marine Corps and we just relocated from way eastern North Carolina to Southern California.

We're very happy about it because we're not humidity people.

So we're happy to be back out west closer to our families and just hiking and things like that, that we're used to.

So we feel really blessed about that.

We have a daughter, Olivia, who was born two years ago in November.

So I feel like we're catching a bit of a stride with a parenting thing, not on wood, but we're really enjoying this season of just toddlerhood and all the stuff that they learn and absorb.

And she's a chatterbox.

She just is always talking about life and the way she sees it.

And it's just, it's amazing.

It's my favorite season so far, but I've said that about every one of them.

So, well, you'll probably keep saying it then.

If you can say it about toddlerhood, then you're going to keep saying it probably.

This is early toddlerhood.

That's true.

Well, Nicki and I actually know each other from a leadership academy called 247 that actually her and my husband were in together.

And he was my fiance at the time when he was taking it, but Nicki was a leader in that program.

And I really appreciated her.

She was always very nice to me, even though I was not always the easiest to deal with back in that season.

I feel like I always had to be the bad guy and tell you, yeah, Chris isn't going to be around for that.

After you had moved all the way from Ohio to be close to him during your engagement and the program just had a really demanding schedule, I felt like I was always the one that was like, so, Kingla, bad news.

Yeah, yes.

That was definitely a season of intense growth for me, for sure.

Looking back, definitely.

But no, I always liked you.

I always thought you were really sweet.

Good, good.

But today, we're here to talk about your birth story, or rather, your daughter's birth story.

I'm so excited.

Okay, so, because I actually, I know nothing about it.

All I know is that you have a daughter.

So I'm excited to hear this, because a lot of times, I know about the birth stories coming on ahead of time.

Sometimes I don't, and this is one of those times.

So let's start with the pregnancy.

How did that all come about?

Was it a surprise?

It definitely was a surprise.

We'd been married about a year and a half.

And we were on a three-year timeline for when we wanted to start a family.

So I had signed us up for a Tough Mudder adventure race that summer and everything.

And it was just totally early married season, living it up.

And then I actually did natural family planning.

I'm a little bit crunchy and just don't like putting unnecessary things in my body.

So I was very much like, no, this is going to work.

And it did.

It worked really well until it didn't.

And I really blame that on ndefined intervention.

I'm the worst person to advertise for natural family planning.

But this was for anybody that knows anything about ovulation tracking.

This was five days prior to ovulation, which is on the fence of whether or not you can even get pregnant.

So that's very rare.

And then with the condom that didn't break and somehow still there was a pregnancy.

So I really personally feel like the Lord was just like, nope, this is my time.

And very unexpected, was continuing to track my temperature.

And I used an app called Natural Cycles, and I kept putting my temperature in, and it stayed a little high and didn't drop back down after ovulation.

I kept thinking, am I getting sick or something?

And then the app just one day popped up like, you should take a pregnancy test, and I was like, what?

Like, no, and so this was like COVID era, and I had really had a hard time after we got married, and I moved to Jacksonville finding a job.

So I was working at a coffee shop part-time, and it was like right before a shift on our coffee truck.

And I took a pregnancy test because I had to know that somebody had given me as a joke for my wedding shower, and it was the only reason I had it.

So I did this pregnancy test, it was positive.

I cried for 45 minutes while I was getting ready for work.

I went to work and then I came home.

And I'm just often on panicking about it at work the whole time because life as I know it has just completely unraveled.

And I remember thinking it's just like this moment where your life from here on out would just never be the same.

You can't rewind, you can't go put it back to what it was before you became a mom.

And I just wasn't even prepared to have that moment.

And it was like all of a sudden, I'm somebody's mom, I'm a parent, and I will be for the rest of my life.

And everything that I've known the past 31 years has not been that.

And all of a sudden, in a moment, it's all changed.

So I mean, I just luckily if my daughter ever listens to this, luckily God knows better because it really is like a beautiful family story and stuff.

But I told my husband that we were pregnant, bawling my eyes out again, and apologizing to him for ruining our lives.

Which is embarrassing to say, but like me of little faith was very was struggling hard.

And he was such a champ.

I don't know how he felt on the inside, but on the outside, he was very calm and just like held me while I cried and said, we're only a year and a half ahead of schedule and we're not unprepared to be parents.

Like we're in our thirties, we own a home, we have jobs, like it's okay, like it's all okay.

So like, I just really appreciated, you know, maybe he was panicking like I was, but he just was very, a very calm, soothing presence and very kind of talked to me down.

And I remember in that season, just like not wanting early pregnancy, didn't make any doctor's appointments, didn't want to talk to the Lord about anything.

I was just kind of like, no, don't talk to me.

Like we're not on the same page here.

And I'm just like, and I didn't tell any of my friends or family because I wasn't ready for people to be happy for me.

I was just like, like I need.

And so I was very like internal.

And I remember one of my friends right before I got married, I was a youth pastor out in Colorado.

And one of my friends out there had written a song called I Will Remember.

And the bridge to the song says, this offering, though it may be costly, though my yes means suffering, I count it all as joy.

And I remember like in that season of kind of shutting God out, it was those words that this friend of mine had written in this song that really like broke through that fear really, and that just that unwillingness, that me digging my heels in about what God had for me and not wanting to step into it.

And it was just like those words, this offering, though it may be costly, though my yes means suffering, I count it all as joy.

And I really just felt like once that broke in, I was so engaged with the Lord and what he had for me.

And I remember him just promising me.

Like, I think my image of being a mom was this like stressed out basket case of a person that always is talking about how burned out they are and then tells you, you know, after 40 minutes of burnout talk tells you, oh, but it's the best thing ever.

And I'm just like, yeah, you're not really selling it.

You know, I just like, and I just, I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, like, that's not my design for motherhood, like that burnout and all of that kind of negative associations that I had, like that's, that's not for you.

And that's not what it's going to be like.

And I remember him promising, like motherhood will not be hard for you.

And I, and I knew by the word hard, he didn't mean that it wasn't going to be challenging.

He didn't mean that there weren't going to be days that were like, oh my gosh, you know, but, but that overall it wasn't going to be this like life sucking thing that I had pictured in my head that I wasn't ready for.

And so it was just a really sweet season of receiving the promises of the Lord and just, I mean, in all that I hadn't started on my prenatal care yet.

And I just felt, I just felt a total peace that everything developmentally was going well, even though I didn't have all this, like the military actually put in my file that I was like late to care.

And it was like on the top of all my paperwork because I just had, I went in for my first appointment, I think it was 16 weeks.

But anyway, but I just felt a peace.

Like I felt a peace about taking things more slowly and going at my own pace because I felt like if I just knew that if I needed to go to the doctor, like I would feel from the Holy Spirit, like when you get pregnant, there's this element that you start to discover of hearing God on behalf of another person.

And luckily like that just grows stronger as you develop a bond with your baby and with the Lord.

So it was like this practice of like being in tune with God for me and then being in tune with God for her.

And I feel like that was a really valuable skill that God started to develop in me very early on in motherhood.

Like she was just, you know, this tiny little, you know, plum sized human being.

And I just remember being like, wow, like I, I can hear what God is saying on her behalf as well as on my behalf.

And it was just like, just wow.

I'm like, I'm sitting over here with goosebumps listening to this and just on the edge of my seat.

Okay, so you being in the military, I guess your care was kind of been chosen for you.

Were you guys living on a base?

So we were living just outside the base in Jacksonville.

So my first couple of appointments were at the Naval Hospital on the Marine Corps base there.

So all of Marine Corps medicine is handled by the Navy.

So all of our Marine Corps hospitals are Navy hospitals.

So that was my initial appointment in care.

And I very early on those started looking into other care options just because, well, number one, way back when I was in ministry school as a 19-year-old little person who was not dating, was not thinking about marriage or childbirth or anything, I remember just one day studying in the scriptures and coming across in Galatians 3, where it talks about Jesus taking on the curse for us, and that's like we're not under a curse.

And I went to one of my friends, he was probably the strongest theologian among us in ministry school.

And I said, you know, I don't think it's theological for women to have pain in childbirth.

And I was like showing him some passages in scripture that I was reading.

And he was just like, like, you might have a case here.

I just like very, very early on when this wasn't even personal to me, I just was like, I think that this isn't what God has for believers, because when he came and he lifted, the curse of Eden off of us as Christians, we have a foretaste of when the curse is finally lifted.

1 Corinthians 15 talks about when the curse is finally lifted, and all things are placed underneath the feet of Jesus, and the entire cosmos experiences redemption.

But it's like we have access to that early redemption before, we don't have to wait until the second coming of Jesus, like the first coming of Jesus purchased our freedom from that curse.

And we don't have to walk in that.

So that's where I was theologically, and we'll talk through how that played out in real life.

But rubber meets the road and stuff.

But I just knew I kind of wanted a different birth experience.

And so we did have a birth center in town in Jacksonville, which is kind of a miracle because it's very small town.

And so I reached out to the birth center and I went for like a, I don't know, introduction where they kind of have a couple of moms that they take you through what they offer and everything like that.

And they did accept our military insurance, which is probably because they were in a military town.

They worked really hard to get that going.

So it was only going to cost us about $1,000 to have an out-of-hospital birth, which I felt like was very cost effective.

And I just told my husband, I was like, listen, for this amount of money, I think like it's worth trying to have the kind of birth that I want.

And if it doesn't work out this time, we can totally go a different route next time.

And so I started seeing, doing all the rest of my prenatal care at the birth center, which was a positive experience.

I didn't feel like there was necessarily anybody there that I like super bonded with, but I definitely didn't have any negative experiences.

And they were like all about the organic gummy bears for their glucose tests and like all of that kind of stuff that really aligned more with how I liked to live my life in general.

So yeah, that was kind of how prenatal care went and all of that.

Well, I didn't even know there was a birth center in Jacksonville.

I thought we were down to one left in North Carolina, but maybe that's just on my half of the state, I guess, because we're more like central North Carolina or central to the west.

I think it's about probably four and a half hours-ish from Jacksonville to Greensboro.

I'll have to look into that after this episode, but hopefully they're still open.

So then how was your pregnancy overall?

How did you feel?

Did you have any complications or was it pretty smooth?

Oh my gosh.

It was great, actually.

First trimester, I was a lot exhausted a lot.

I found out I was pregnant and I got a new job that was working from home for commercial real estate, but it was full time.

And I remember I had a meeting with my boss every day at 8 a.m.

Just like a quick stand up.

This is what we need to get done for the day kind of thing.

I remember like crawl out of bed for that meeting and just like try to look alert.

And then by like 10, 1030, I needed a nap.

And so I would like lay down and I mean, luckily working from home, I could just kind of adjust my hours, which was so nice.

But I remember even then being like, how do people do this with other kids?

Like I was so tired and then it was like 430 in the afternoon.

Like I wanted to go to bed for the night.

So, but other than that, like first trimester, I was, I experienced a lot of the fatigue, but I never really had any nausea as long as I, if I went like five hours or so without eating, I would kind of feel a little nauseous or maybe get a headache.

But that was just like, as long as I kept up with nutrition, I didn't have any nausea.

I didn't have any food aversions.

And then second trimester, got my energy back, went back to doing CrossFit, which was like my love at the time.

And yeah, did that all the way up until about five weeks before birth.

My car broke down like permanently, kaput.

We were down to one car.

It was really hard to get to the gym, but generally just worked out my entire pregnancy and my CrossFit community was great.

And even some of the male coaches in their early 20s would be like, last night I was researching pregnancy safe alternatives for this, whatever workout we were doing.

And it was just so cute how they were like, yeah, we want to make this work for you.

So they really went the extra mile to help tailor my workouts to be pregnancy safe.

And one of the owners of the gym had done weight training throughout multiple of her pregnancies.

So she's very knowledgeable on how to kind of do all that safely.

So it was just, it was a very blessed, I was very blessed to have that community.

And I think just the stronger you are and that like they say, you know, the more you work out and everything like that, it really does help when you get to labor and stuff.

So that was a blessing.

So cool.

I've never done CrossFit, but members of my family have, and I've seen it and just imagining a pregnant belly with that is go you.

That's great.

So we reached the end of pregnancy.

And how far along are you when labor begins?

So approaching the end of pregnancy, like I just felt, I felt like the Lord was asking me to make space, to just slow down, really, just to make space for him to be in a little bit more communion with the Lord and just kind of have this sacred space and looking.

I think I've always been one of those type A get everything done kind of personalities and don't really know, I'm not very good at setting my own limitations and all that kind of stuff.

And I feel like the Lord is really pressing me to do that.

And ultimately, so my car went kaput, and I started stressing about the cost associated with having to replace that.

Simultaneously, I got an offer to do a side project for my cousin's company.

It was going to pay about $4,000 or $5,000, which is enough to buy a decent used car.

Or at least it was four years ago or three years ago.

Yeah, barely four years ago.

But I ended up taking on that project, even though I felt like the Lord was asking me to make space and set limits because I felt like I was just, I didn't need to be stressed.

We had money that could pull out savings.

We didn't live very far from my husband's job.

So it was just one of those things that out of fear, I just let circumstances bully me into, and then pressures from other people of being like, I don't want to say no to this person kind of thing.

I just let all of those factors push me into really overextending myself pre-pregnancy, or pre-delivery.

I was working kind of two jobs up until the day I went into the hospital with Liv.

So I was working during the day, and then two or three hours at night, I was working on this project, and all that kind of stuff.

So 0 out of 10 recommend.

But we were at, her due date was the 1st of November, and she was born on the 4th.

So I guess we were at like 40 and 3, I want to say.

Kind of 40 and 2, I guess, because I went into labor like almost exactly at midnight on what would have been 48 weeks and 3 days.

So my mom came out the day before, I think, her due date, and we took a lot of really long walks on the beach, on the trails, and I was definitely having like contractions throughout those couple of days leading up, but they weren't, they just didn't stay, you know, they would build up and then they would go away and all that.

And then on the night I went into labor, I was just like in bed and I was sleeping and I had been having contractions like throughout our whole walk.

And then we went out to dinner and, but like came home and laid down and they just kind of went away.

So then midnight, I get like a really sharp pain in my abdomen that woke me up.

And I was like, oh my goodness.

And then I was like, I need to go to the bathroom.

I need to pee because you always need to pee.

So I got up to pee and my water broke on the toilet.

And then like zero to 60 went to having contractions that were just horrendous.

They started five to six minutes apart immediately.

And then very quickly we're down to like a minute and a half to two minutes apart.

And they were lasting almost a minute and a half and like peeking on top of each other, just horrible.

And so I feel like all of my coping mechanisms and all of my preparation, like I just didn't have a box for that.

You know, like everything that I had kind of practiced for was like a normal start to labor where you just start your contractions and they build slowly.

And you're able to kind of just find a headspace and talk yourself through it.

But it was so like zero to sixty.

I felt like all of my coping mechanisms just sort of like went out the window.

Like I was not in control of my headspace.

I was not anywhere where I needed to be.

And which is one of those things like hindsight being 2020.

I wish that I had had a doula for this pregnancy because I feel like that's what a doula does is when you lose control of your headspace.

They're the person that like takes you by the face and they're like, Hey, this is what we're going to do.

We're going to try this.

It's going to be OK.

You know, and that kind of stuff.

And I don't know why, but I just kind of felt like I could do that for myself.

And like, you can't like that space when it's really happening.

Just don't rely on yourself to remind yourself of those things.

And I think I also kind of wanted this like super private intimate experience with my husband where he was just like my main support person.

I was afraid that if there was a doula that he would just be like, oh, I don't have to do anything because he's kind of like one of those guys is very uncomfortable around all that stuff.

So I was like, okay, you know, but also a dumb idea because like if they're not comfortable being the only person as a support person is not going to instantly make them comfortable.

And I feel like a good doula can help that person be more involved to the way that you want them to be anyway.

Absolutely.

But all of that, all that being said, that was like right around midnight that happened.

So I'm having these intense contractions.

They're very close together.

So I keep messaging the midwife at the birthing center saying like, this is what's happening.

And all the blogs we read and everything tell you that when your contractions are spaced short and really strong, then you're in active labor and you can go to the hospital or whatever.

So I was just thinking, why are they not letting me come in?

Because she would just be like, no, just wait on it, whatever.

And I was just like, oh my gosh, I just want to go in and stuff.

And so then about probably 5.45, 6 in the morning, the midwife was like, okay, like you can come in, I'll check you, whatever, we might not admit you and all that.

So it was about a 15 minute drive to the birth center.

So not a big deal.

So we drive to the birth center and we get there and I just like, oh, I was just so, I was in so much pain.

I really was just in so much pain.

And my mom is a labor and delivery nurse and she was like a little panicky because she was just like, these are kind of like transition level contractions and that's not where you should be in the labor process.

So she was, yeah, so she was concerned, but she was trying to keep that under wraps because I had enough to be concerned about.

So I get there, we go in the room, I lay down on the bed and she checks me.

And honestly, it was such a painful experience.

Like I feel like she was being a little bit rough just because I got checked later and it was like not the same experience.

And so I'm like totally tensed up.

I'm like backing away and she's like trying to check me because it's like so painful.

And basically, we just had a really bad experience at the birth center with this midwife.

Like she really like mocked and belittled me for like reacting the way that I did being checked.

And she was very dismissive about anything I had to say about my labor or how it had started or how long.

She just like didn't want to hear any of it.

She was very dismissive.

She was very condescending just in the way that she spoke to me and just very like there it was.

It was honestly.

And then like, I mean, to the point like my husband and my mom were like shocked.

They were like, I've never like my mom works in a hospital.

She's never, I've never heard a care provider speak to a patient that way.

And so, so it was just like, and I think especially having chosen a birth center for an empowering experience, that's just not what you expect to walk into.

Like you, this whole, the whole ethos really of like natural birth is, is to empower women.

And it was just such a disempowering experience going in.

And she was like, she said, you need to go home and take a Benadryl and go to sleep.

And I was like in space, like every time I laid down my contract, my contractions got so much more intense.

I'd been really laboring on my feet for about six and a half hours by this point.

And there was just like no help to be had.

And I really, you know, the birth center was very clear.

Like we don't admit you just because your water broke.

Like that's not how, you know, natural, you know.

And so I really don't have any problems with being sent home or anything like that, because that's, they were very upfront about those kinds of things.

But wait, so how far along were you dilation wise?

I was like a centimeter dilated by the state.

Yeah, I forgot that part.

Yeah, I was like one center dilated after like six and a half hours of these crazy contractions.

So, so yeah, they, she sent me home.

And I think I was just really looking for something that was more like just being treated kindly, especially I feel like when you, it's your first time in labor and there's so many new things you're experiencing to have somebody that just speaks to you calmly and, you know, reassuringly is so valuable in that moment.

And so, which was not, was not the way it went down.

So we went home and probably, I probably labored another hour, hour and a half maybe.

And I just could tell I was wearing out.

Like I was just getting very exhausted.

And like I said, laying down was just even more uncomfortable.

And so I started thinking and it took me a long time to think this out because it's like you're trying to think between contractions and they're just coming so fast.

So, but I was just like, okay, I can't keep doing this indefinitely.

Like I'm not dilating the birth center.

That's kind of a closed door.

Like that's not going to happen.

So at that point, I was just like, I think we need to go to the hospital.

Like really, it was like the Lord.

It was like this moment of clarity where like I just felt like this kind of was a theme throughout the rest of the birth experience was I just felt like there was one open door.

I never agonized over a decision.

I never felt like, oh my gosh, like, what am I doing?

It just felt like there was one open door.

And I just as chaotic as all this sounds, I felt so much peace like in the midst of it.

Like I just there was there up until this point was not a moment where I felt panicked.

I just I felt a ton of pain.

I just I didn't feel panic and I didn't feel and even choosing to go to the hospital could have been a huge moment of grief for me.

And that like this isn't the birth that I wanted, yada, yada, yada.

And I just felt peace.

I just felt like it's it's OK.

So I went to the hospital and they since my water had been broken for about eight, nine hours at this point, they admitted me even though I was still like dilated to like a one ish.

So they admitted me, got me into a room.

And then I opted for IV pain meds because I really I didn't.

I still I still don't want enough of Dural.

I still want to do the whole potassium route.

And so I did IV pain meds.

And for anybody that's never done that, I describe as being like in like a Twilight Zone kind of tunnel of pain because you can still feel probably 70, 80 percent of the intensity.

But you just can't really keep track of it.

It's like you're like your mind is so like kind of loopy that you don't really you don't know how long it's been.

And you're not like agonizing through each contraction.

And you're not thinking about the next one coming because you're not thinking about anything like you are in La La Land.

But it still hurts.

Like we have like some of my paperwork, which is totally legal, but probably.

But I was thankful that they put me on IV pain meds right away.

But they still had me do some sign in papers and some of my signatures just like really trail off at the end.

I was like gone mentally.

So I'm having this experience.

You go through that for maybe, I don't know, like two hours or so.

And then sort of as those start to wear off, they check me again.

And I'm at six and a half centimeters dilated.

And what time is it in the day at that point?

We're probably pushing around like noon.

I think we headed to the hospital around like 8, 39-ish.

And then by the time I got like checked in and then put on IV pain meds and all of that, we're probably around like mid, like early midday of, yeah, but actually the day before she was born.

This gets more interesting.

That was around noon-ish, I think, trying to keep track of stuff.

But anyway, so yeah, I mean, clearly all my body needed to do was like relax.

Like I had 10 step and like was fighting those contractions and stuff and just couldn't find a way to like help my body relax.

And the IV pain meds were like you can't tense single muscle in your body.

And so the contractions from then on were really, really effective.

And in the span of like about two hours, I think I had progressed really, really far.

And then at that point, the nurses came in and offered me an epidural.

And I think I was just kind of in a headspace of like, why not?

Everything's kind of like gone awry.

So like, sure, why not?

And again, looking back, this is where I feel like a doula would have been really helpful to say, you figured out how to let your body relax.

If you can hang in there for a couple more hours, you're going to be able to meet your baby.

Because hospitals don't tell you about possible effects.

Like, you know, a hospital wouldn't look at you and say, in 60%, this is a made up number, so not a medically accurate, but like in 60% of cases, epidurals are known to slow labor progression.

Like, do you still want an epidural?

It's like, you're not given like a fair kind of view in order to kind of assess that in your brain.

You know, and I really just feel like that's something that all medical providers can do a better job of, of just saying like, we're happy to provide whatever kind of care.

This is typically, these are some of the things that can not even just go wrong.

Like, there's nothing wrong with slowing labor, but is that the kind of thing that you want?

And is that, you know, do you want to risk your body reacting that way?

Anyway, so all that, I was like, yeah, sign me up.

Sounds great.

I was really tired.

So I was like, we'll get an epidural.

So the epidural team came in.

And by this point in time, so this was still during COVID, policy wise for the hospital, even though this was end of November 21.

And so I was only allowed one support person.

So my mom had to stay behind.

And so she was like, and actually this was her birthday.

November 3rd is her birthday.

So she was at home with our dog on her birthday.

I'm texting my husband incessantly at the hospital, who is not great at responding.

So, yeah, it was really funny.

He tells it, which like hindsight.

But when I was in triage and they were like, only one person can come back.

My husband was like, I was sitting there going like, I hope she picks her mom.

But he was like, I obviously can't say that because your family would never let me live it down if I offered for your mom to go instead of me.

And so he braved it.

But he was like, clearly one person is qualified and one person is not qualified.

But so he was in the room with me and got an epidural.

And I think, I don't know.

Now my timetable is getting a little bit fuzzy, but I was on the epidural for a couple of hours and they didn't want to check very frequently because of how long I had been ruptured.

They didn't want the possibility of getting an infection.

So to minimize that risk, they just didn't.

They only monitored my contractions.

So they were like, the contractions are still good and strong.

So they just assumed I was making progress and didn't really check.

And so my night nurse came on and I was so many nurses at the hospital were amazing people.

Like the first person, she was pretty new, but she was super supportive, very kind.

And my night nurse was, she was, I think maybe in her late 50s or early 60s, just kind of sassy, but very just, she was like, we're going to try to make this the birth that you want to have.

So she called the epidural team back in, had them turn my epidural down to like a four, so I could feel a lot of things in my legs in order for me to be able to change positions.

And so every 20, 30 minutes, I was changing positions, just trying to keep labor going.

And this woman, she came in my room, because changing positions, those heart monitors don't really stay on your belly very well.

And she came in every 20, 30 minutes to readjust the monitors to make sure that they could hear the baby.

And she brought in a breast pump for like nipple stimulation and stuff.

And she really was like committed to like, whatever you want to do, I want to do this with you.

And it just meant so much to me to have somebody that was just like, no, we're going to we're going to make this about you and what you want.

Unfortunately, all of that was not very effective because they checked me like midnight shift.

I think 12 hours after I had been on the epidural, so 24 hours since my water had broken and I was like a six and a half.

So I had or like I had progressed about half a centimeter and about 12 hours from transitioning onto the epidural.

So then they were like, all right, we need to start Pitocin because we've got to get progress going because of how long your water has been broken.

And so that was probably one of the harder things because I was very much like, I don't want that kind of assistance.

But I was like, well, like I said, everything was very peaceful and it kind of seemed like there was just one open door.

That's just what you do.

And so probably a little after midnight, I got on Pitocin.

And I remember looking at my night nurse, Patty, and just being like, what do I do now?

And she was like, nothing.

She was like, yeah, she was just like, she's like, we have to turn up the Pitocin gradually.

And she's like, so the only thing you can do is sleep until it kicks in and does its job.

And I remember just wanting to cry with relief at that moment because it had been over 24 hours.

I mean, I was in the hospital bed for some of that, but mostly I was on my hands and knees, or I was sitting up and I was trying to change all these positions once I got to the hospital.

So I really had been actively laboring and moving around for 24 hours.

And I just remember when she was like, nothing, there's nothing you can do.

You just, you just sleep and you let the medicine do its work.

I just was like, literal tears welled up in my eyes.

And I just, I like, I really wanted to just like lose it and like boohoo.

I did it.

But I was like, it's just the relief that I felt of just like, you did everything you could do.

Now it's time to just like let, let things play out.

So that's, that's kind of how it went.

The rest of the night I slept.

It was so nice.

I had my like worship music playing and just again, always feeling the presence of the Lord, always feeling a peace in spite of the chaos.

And then early in the morning, I started to spike a fever and I ended up getting a choreo infection, which is an infection of the uterus.

And so I was running a high fever.

So they pulled two bags of antibiotics to run through my IV.

And so I had a round of antibiotics through my IV.

And then the night nurse hung the second bag of antibiotics, but the first bag wasn't through running.

So she didn't open the second bag, obviously, because she couldn't do both at once.

But somehow in shift change between the night shift and the day shift, that got missed, that the other bag of antibiotics never got fully run.

And so progressing the pitocin, they had to turn up really high in order to get my body back in gear.

So we're probably around 1130-ish the next day when I start to get really close to being fully effaced and dilated and stuff.

And at that point, I spike another fever.

And the doctors are kind of freaking out because they think I've had two rounds of antibiotics and that my fever is still spiking and not responding.

They think the infection is not responding to the antibiotics that they kind of threw at it.

So we're getting close to time to push.

I have this infection.

I have a very high fever, which is kind of like dangerous, you know, to the baby.

She's kind of getting hot in there.

So it was like it was tough, but I was freezing.

So I was like laying on the hospital bed, shaking up and down, just like shivering.

I was like begging for a blanket.

They're like, you can't have a blanket.

I'm sorry.

Like your baby's, you know, in an oven.

Basically, like we can't give you a blanket.

We can't give you, you know, like you just kind of have to have it out.

And I remember that was probably other than how labor started.

That was like one of the top three hardest points was just feeling.

I was freezing and there was just like no, no help for it.

Luckily, soon after that, I was ready to push.

And so the effort of pushing really kind of warmed my body up.

So yeah, and that was one of the things that surprisingly I did not do a lot of.

I knew it was better for your body to not push on your back and stuff like that.

But I didn't really realize that there were other options, particularly if you had an epidural and stuff like that.

So yeah, I was pushing her out on my back and it was pretty effective.

I think I had about 45 minutes of pushing, but then her heart rate started losing variability.

So her peaks and valleys were getting closer together and the doctors were starting to get concerned.

So the doctor reached up at my birth canal and kind of like stroked her head and she was responsive to that.

Her heart rate would kind of like go back to normal.

But they started getting concerned that, you know, I wasn't going to be able to get her out.

And then it's harder for them to monitor her heart in the birth canal.

So there's just like a lot of concern going on.

And this is like my one like little panic moment that I had was I was just like, I looked at Josh and I was just like tears welling up in my eyes.

I was like, I'm going to have to have a C-section.

Like they're not going to like, you know, and that was like a panic moment for me because I was completely unprepared to have anything but a vaginal birth.

And he just and he can be so calm in places and I don't know where he pulls it from because he definitely was, you know, he's not like this massive educated child birth person, but he was just like, no, remember, they talked about being able to like do a vacuum assist or, you know, or forceps or something.

He's like, we're not out of options.

They're not going to push you straight to a C-section.

And I just felt like, oh, yeah, okay.

Like, and so then they did.

That was the doctor's next thing was he said, you know, I think in another 45 minutes or so, you could have her out pushing on your own.

If we use the vacuum, we know we can get her out without any like problems.

Again, they don't kind of give you this like risk assessment of like what the possible, you know, I'm sure you have to sign some paperwork.

Like, I'm sure I signed like if my baby gets a brain bleed, you're not responsible kind of paperwork or whatever.

But they don't kind of like educate you in the moment of the decision that you're making.

So I was like, yeah, sure.

Go ahead with vacuum assist.

So the vacuum was on her head for like three pushes, maybe six pushes.

I can't really remember, but very short amount of time.

They basically use the vacuum to keep her from like backing out, like back, you know, how you like push.

And then they kind of retreat up a little bit.

So they kind of use the vacuum to stabilize her.

So she didn't pull back.

And then, yeah, so she came out and that was like 137, so 30, 37 hours ish after my water had broken.

She was in the world and she was eight pounds exactly.

And she came out with like a head full of hair, which is not really, well, I'm not going to lie.

I was kind of expecting that because I thought she was going to look exactly like my husband, who's half Filipino.

So I thought she was going to have this full mop of like dark hair.

And so she comes out with this like full head of hair.

And they, because she was vacuum assist, they had like everybody in the room.

Josh tells the story.

Like, I don't remember this, but Josh tells the story of like, we gave the verbal consent for vacuum assist.

And he's like, he's like, and the doctor went from like being the only person in the room, like calmly talking to us face to face.

And then we said yes.

And he's like, and the doctor goes into this, like Superman, like in the phone booth vortex.

And he turns around.

And by the time he's turned around, he's in full kit, like he's got all of his like PPE on.

And there's like a huge team of people in the room and stuff like that.

So I don't really remember all of that.

Like he does, but he the way he tells us really funny about the doctor, like just doing a 180 and turning around with a whole different get up on.

That people had outfitted him in.

So yeah, so they did take her right away over to like assess her and do her vitals because of the heart rate variability issues and like all of that.

And she was like underneath the light and they were drying up.

And they were like, you have a redheaded baby.

I was like, what?

Like I have a half Filipino husband.

This baby is not supposed to look like me.

And she is like a mini me.

Like all of those memes out there.

That's just like I worked on this project for nine months for it to look just like my husband.

My daughter looks exactly like me.

We have the same color hair.

She has a little bit darker eyes, but she's just like she's a mini me, which I am obsessed with.

It's adorable.

So yeah, that was really her birth.

And we had a 48-hour hold in the hospital.

That is standard practice for first time moms at Naval.

And that was really annoying.

I remember just being like, especially having the expectation of the birth center, like, I don't want to be here for 48 hours.

And they very much went in, especially like they very much wanted her to take vitamin K shot because the vacuum assist.

And I told her we have vitamin K drops at home from the birth center.

And we will give those to her, whatever.

We're not doing that.

But we had to say no to a lot of things, a lot of times.

But it was fine.

We were pretty prepared on the same page.

I will say she didn't have a name for quite a while because I felt like one of us was always asleep for like the next 24, 48 hours.

And we had had it down to two names when we went into the hospital room.

And for us to be both awake and coherent took a while.

And they kept on being like, what's baby's name?

We were like, I'll tell you when he wakes up.

But then I'd be sleeping.

So anyway, so we landed on Olivia Faye.

My husband's little name is Oliver.

So that's after him.

And yeah, she's, she's wonderful.

I really, I mean, I really appreciate you sharing all of those details and gosh, the way a birth can twist and turn like, and not knowing, especially because when you first started, again, I knew none of this.

So when you first started and you said that you woke up and your contractions went from like, you know, five to six minutes to like really close together, lasting like a minute and a half, I was like, oh, this is going to be one of those lightning bursts where, you know, she has a baby in five hours for her first baby, but that did not happen.

No, I'm hoping to beat the 37 hour record this time around.

Oh, you absolutely will.

Looking back on that whole experience, I can just, I mean, number one, I think the thing that stands out to me the most is the faithfulness of God.

I hope that everybody listening to this can hear this with the grace that like I do have for myself.

Like this is not me being hard on myself, but like pretty blatant, like disobedience to what I know the Lord had called me to.

Like when I say that he was telling me to make space, like he was pressing me to make space before the birth.

And I really feel like he had a different birth for me in mind.

And I really feel like the Holy Spirit wanted to empower like a whole different birth story for Olivia.

And I did not make space for that to happen.

And I like this is not God being punitive, like you are disobedient.

So here's your punishment.

It was just like, I wasn't on this wavelength with God that I needed to be in order for him.

Like, it's like when we wander, we can't hear, not because he's not speaking, but we've wandered.

Like, we've gone farther from his voice, you know, and stuff.

So it's like in this whole experience, like I 100% truly believe like God had a different story.

If I had not allowed fear and stress and all this type A of myself, like to drive, like if I had let the Holy Spirit drive, like I totally believe there was something different in store.

And yet he never left.

And yet there was so much peace.

Like if you were to tell a birth story that should have been lacking in peace, it's mine.

Like my story should be one of those stories where I was freaked out, where I was stressed, where I was panicking, where I felt lost and not.

I mean, like that one little moment where I was like, like, but I mean, a minute and a half of 37 hours, I felt panic and the rest of it was peace.

And that's because the Lord is always who he says he's going to be.

No matter what we do, he is a faithful God.

He's always faithful.

And it's amazing.

I've been listening to this podcast that kind of explains a lot of the Hebrew context behind the scripture and the very first name used for God in the Old Testament is Elohim.

And they're not precisely sure what that means.

But when you sound out the consonants in the word Elohim in the Hebrew, it means the God who knows when to say enough.

You know, and it's like, that's one of my biggest struggles is to know when to say like, no, this is just the boundary.

This is my space to like be with the Lord.

And it was such a powerful learning experience for me to allow God to mold me into more of his image because he is the God that always knows when to say enough.

You know, it's like he knew to stop creating after seven days.

You know, he knew to stop destroying the earth with the flood, you know, after, you know, and to preserve life in that way.

It's like he always knows when to set a boundary.

And it's like through this birth, he is shaping, has shaped me into more of his likeness of being a woman that knows when to say enough.

And that is going to yield a blessing to my children for the rest of their lives, to know when to say enough and to know when to set a boundary, to know when to set a boundary with my toddler and say, you know, that's enough.

To know when to set a boundary around my family and to tell whatever is coming in from the world is a negative influence.

Like, no, that's enough.

Like we are a family that knows when to say enough because we're made in the image of God.

And so I think just a huge takeaway from this birth is just like no matter what kind of birth you have, if it goes exactly the way that you prayed or if it goes nothing like you thought, like the Lord is faithful, like he will never leave you or forsake you, like his presence and his peace is enduring and it's available at all times.

And I just think like if anybody so blatantly adored the Lord that deserved for him to just be like, fine, do it your own way.

But he didn't.

He was like, I'm still here with you.

And so my really my encouragement is just like be assured in the faithfulness of your God, no matter what comes.

And my second bit of encouragement is really just make space.

Like if you're heading into a pre birth season, just find a quiet space with you and the Lord.

Whatever you have to push out of your life, I promise the sacrifice is worth it.

If you're stressed and you're feeling like I should take maternity leave a week before I'm due or whatever, and you're feeling that nudge and you're just like, oh, but what's going to happen on the end or what's going to happen with money?

And just whatever you're feeling, make space.

I promise it is...

I feel like that's what opens the door for God to really be able to work is when we make space for Him.

So that's how things went down.

That's how we got Olivia.

I feel like I'm sitting in church and I love it.

I love this.

Incidentally, her name means peace.

And when she was in the womb, the one verse that I prayed over her was out of Jeremiah.

And it says, Your sons and daughters will be taught by the Lord and great will be their peace.

And so I really feel like that's just a theme for the birth.

So I am currently 13 weeks pregnant with baby number two.

So, yeah, I'm really and it's really interesting because I think I just am theologically in the same place.

Like my belief has not changed at all about how the Lord meant birth to be.

And I think, you know, I think so many times we can let our circumstances speak louder than our theology.

And I feel like that's really dangerous.

I feel like we can say, like, oh, because I didn't experience this.

Like, that's not really how things shake out.

So I'm like, even though my birth was like the opposite of what I believe for, I just also believe like 1st Corinthians 15 also talks about like the process of putting things under Jesus' feet.

It says that Jesus will reign in heaven until all things are put under his feet.

And then that's like when the second coming comes.

So I think every birth is the opportunity to place the curse like under the feet of Jesus.

And I think there's a huge contention in the birth space.

Like there's a huge contention because the enemy doesn't want to yield that space.

Like he doesn't want to make birth a place of peace.

He doesn't want to let birth be a place of empowerment, even though that's what we're entitled to as believers.

He wants to keep birth as a place of fear because that's his space.

But it's like every time we, as women, approach a birth, we have the opportunity, the sacred opportunity, of being part of placing this piece of the curse, like under the feet of Jesus.

And way back when the curse is pronounced in Genesis, the Bible says, God said, I will place enmity between the woman and the serpent and between his seed and her seed.

This word enmity means an ever growing hatred.

So this hatred that the enemy has for women and that we should have, like this holy hatred that we should have for the enemy has been growing ever since like the beginning of time.

And it's like our seed, you know, these babies that we are birthing are part of like God's army that's going to crush the serpent's head.

Like Jesus was the ultimate seed of a woman that came and crushed the enemy's head.

And it's like our seed, these babies that we're bearing, are to grow up and be people that in turn place all things underneath the feet of Jesus.

So ultimately his transformation, his second coming comes like a wave and puts everything to right.

And then we don't even have to fight.

We don't even have to contend.

We just like everything is automatic.

And I remember somebody telling me this story because both my good friend and I are six months apart, our babies, and we both wanted to have this like pain-free supernatural birth experience and neither of our births, the way that we wanted them to.

But I remember talking to a missionary in the Himalayas and he says that there is this mountain where the origins of some of the world's oldest non-Christian religions are kind of in this space.

And he said that people go up there to prayer walk, and sometimes they get sick and crazy kind of demonic stuff.

Anyway, there's a point to this.

But I think that the NMP is hesitant to seed some ground that he has controlled for so long.

And I feel like birth.

And that's what I told my friend because she was kind of having a hard time spiritually processing in the aftermath.

And I was just like, some of these battles, like we just keep fighting.

And it's been really encouraging listening to this podcast and hearing so many first time birth stories that were like full of chaos and so many second and third time birth stories that are just completely the opposite.

And you see that the enemies had to give ground in all of these women's lives.

And you see the way that God intended things to go like happening over and over again.

And I think that's just what's so powerful that we get to have as women is we used to be good to say like, I believe that we're no longer under a curse.

And I'm going to stand on that belief until I see the promises of God come true in my life.

So I'm obviously praying and believing and preparing for a different kind of birth the second time around.

But this is something that like I'm very passionate about.

And, you know, regardless of how anything goes down for a subsequent birth, like we'll continue to believe that Jesus has freed us from the curse of sin and death.

And that we have no obligation to live under the enemy's fear and pain and control.

And that like God has a different plan for birth.

And I really, this has been a sweet season of just like learning to walk in obedience from the very beginning of pregnancy and learn to make space for the Lord.

Like I just practicing that from the very beginning.

I'm loving that.

I feel like I just want to keep talking to you for the rest of the night.

So, I mean, it sounds to me like you have learned so many things from your first birth.

And I mean, I know you said a lot of times like hindsight, hindsight, hindsight.

And I'm like, yes, yes, yes, I totally get that.

So, I assume now, I mean, I would love to have you back on to tell your second birth story whenever he or she comes into the world.

But as you are planning this next birth, is there like anything you're doing differently this time?

I mean, you mentioned like preparing the first time.

How did, like, did you guys take a class or read some books or what did you do the first time?

Yeah, so the first time we did take several classes at the birth center, you know, like that had some like natural pain coping mechanisms and, you know, a bunch of I feel like I was a pretty standard, like out of hospital birth class suite that we attended.

And I will say, postpartum, I did get some care at the birth center, even though I was like, not I just, you know, I had a bad taste in my mouth, so I didn't love going back there.

But they had a lactation consultant on staff, and my daughter had a little bit of a lip tie.

Anyway, so their lactation consultant was wonderful, and I was really glad to be able to access like that kind of breastfeeding help.

They were one hour appointments, so you definitely had time to like the baby to get hungry and like all of that.

She's just like super, super thankful for that.

But anyway, in preparation for this birth, I am, there's a couple of like online courses that I'm looking at that are, there's one particular, I think her YouTube account is called Built to Birth, and she's Christian, and she believes in like the pain-free birth, and she's also very big into like physiological birth and like how your uterus like is actually the muscle that pushes out, so you don't need to like act like you're pooping during like, you know, like, so I'm considering kind of that, like subsidizing, I guess, education with that, and I am, I think the biggest thing that I've tried not to carry from the last birth into this coming one is just like a fear of like what if the care provider turns out to be a mean person kind of thing.

Like, I think when I first found out I was pregnant, I was like, I don't want to care for her at all.

I was like, I want to be in a room with people that I love and trust and have known for 10 years, and I don't want any medical.

I just, you know, I want to, I want a home birth.

I want a free birth or whatever they call it.

It's not intended, and I don't think that's where I'll end up.

And like I said, I'm really trying to surrender this to the Lord and being like, I'm not going to make decisions based on fear.

Like I'm not going to not hire a doula if I feel like it's the right choice just because I have to meet a stranger and have to develop this relationship.

And like, who knows, you know, like having just moved out here to California and not having any friends that are in like that birthings age that live out here, I do, it is kind of like roulette out here to kind of find those things.

It's very Google based.

So that does make me feel a little bit like, I just wish that I knew somebody that could be like, yes, this person is awesome.

Well, I would find like a local Facebook group, they have them like all over the place, but local Facebook groups that are either like a home birth group or a just like a birthing community group, they're really great resources.

I mean, I'm not a big fan of Facebook all the time.

But for those types of things, it is a great resource.

There's usually great recommendations on there, and people can like message you with their experiences, personally positive or negative, with different doulas or midwives or whoever in the community.

So for anyone else who's listening, you can always do that wherever you live.

I know we're very, you know, a part of one here in the triad.

So it's a great resource.

So you don't have to necessarily Google.

I mean, you can Google too, and you should.

And, you know, look at people's websites and stuff.

But also you'll, like on Facebook, you can usually get a lot of clients' reviews of different care providers and doulas and stuff.

Yeah, that's great.

That's great advice.

So kind of making those decisions.

I do have my first appointment with my care provider at the Naval Hospital, which incidentally is where my mom works as a labor and delivery nurse.

So she kind of gave me the inside track on care providers.

And so I'm really just praying over this appointment coming up next week that I either feel a connection and feel a peace like this is supposed to be my provider, or I feel like I'm supposed to look at something outside.

After having a pretty good experience in the hospital, as far as just having supportive people there, I do feel more equipped to have the birth that I want in a hospital or out.

So I definitely feel like advocating for myself wasn't necessarily an issue.

And as long as I have a more informed, maybe support person, that I can stick to my plan.

And so I do feel less hospital-averse than I was at the beginning of my first birth, but I also am open to other options.

So I told my mom, I was like, I'm going to pretend that I'm having a home birth and then just go to the hospital at the very end.

So I just like, I, yeah, so I have, you know, and essentially that's like the plan right now is just to have everything set up as if like I were to stay.

And, you know, if that ends up transitioning into I find somebody to do a home birth here, great.

If it ends up being like, we just kind of wait for that transition and then head to the hospital.

I'm literally, I'm a piece about either one, but I do feel like setting up the environment as if like, this is where you're going to do most of your laboring because you are, you know, is important.

So when I picture my birth and when I, you know, like one of the coping things that I kind of teach is like to vividly picture your positive memories and get that oxytocin flowing and then right on the heels of that picture, your birth, like that's what I'm picturing is like in my home and like all of my laboring and where I would be just to kind of familiarize my body with feeling like that's a special moment and kind of producing that oxytocin when we get the day of.

So yeah, definitely looking into care providers and that kind of thing, looking into dual options, because I think that was a missing component of my last birth for sure.

And then yeah, just doing a lot more focused prayer.

I think I had a strong relationship with the Lord going in like pregnancy and stuff and pregnancy.

Definitely.

There was a lot of dialogue between me and the Lord related to pregnancy, but I kind of feel like I didn't spiritually really prepare for birth that much because I didn't really know how, you know, I wasn't like, and so now I'm specifically praying into that and I'm already seeking that space that the Lord wanted me to create, you know, way back with Liv's birth and I'm already like practicing getting into that space where it's a very quiet space, just me and the Lord.

And I'm, you know, I'm speaking thanks to the Lord, you know, of your maker is your husband, the Lord Almighty is his name, you know, just like declaring who he is over myself, like with all of this like birth space, particularly in mind and really just carving out a space where I feel like I can enter without a lot of difficulty, where I can just kind of like slide right in.

And this is my space with the Lord.

And, you know, starting to make a playlist that I particularly play when I'm praying about birth, just again, to kind of create these familiar memories between me and the Lord.

Yeah, so my prep work so far.

Any suggestions?

Well, I mean, you are, I mean, spiritually speaking, no, that's amazing.

And I was just going to ask like real quick, did you, I was wondering if you read Supernatural Childbirth with your last?

I didn't.

Somebody actually, one of my mentors just sent me that book on Amazon.

I haven't opened it up yet, but.

Well, you go ahead and crack that baby open.

I think you will like what you read.

So that is, that would be another layer to your spiritual preparation that I would add is reading that book and going through the declarations and prayers in that book.

So I have loved this.

Thank you so much, Nicki.

And I can't wait to have you back on.

Thanks again for joining us today.

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